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Dulcinea
Weekend Warrior
Member since 3/08 2530 total posts
Name:
Dulcinea
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Would you intervene? Spanking related
I just found out that a close relative of mine (let's call him Bob) has been spanking his young children to discipline them. The mother of the children has confided to my sister that she doesn't know what to do to stop the father from doing this.
I'm at a lost on how to tell Bob to stop spanking his children. Sometimes he even hits them on the head. His wife doesn't approve of how he disciplines the children and they fight over his method.
What would you do? Would you confront Bob and tell him to knock it off?
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Posted 10/19/09 1:53 PM  |
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DomesticDeeva
Tiebreaker on deck!!!
Member since 11/08 2088 total posts
Name:
Dee
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
It depends on how close "Bob" is. If he's your brother or close cousin, maybe I would. But if he's an in-law, a friend, or a distant relative, I would stay out of it.
People can be very sensitive about someone else telling them how to parent their children...so although you might want to say something, it might be best not to. I know it sux, but you don't want to meddle where you aren't welcome, and cause any drama or hurt feelings. 
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| Posted 10/19/09 1:57 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Posted by Dulcinea
I just found out that a close relative of mine (let's call him Bob) has been spanking his young children to discipline them. The mother of the children has confided to my sister that she doesn't know what to do to stop the father from doing this.
I'm at a lost on how to tell Bob to stop spanking his children. Sometimes he even hits them on the head. His wife doesn't approve of how he disciplines the children and they fight over his method.
What would you do? Would you confront Bob and tell him to knock it off?
Is it just spanking or does it rise to the level of abuse. To me, there is a difference. If it is just spanking - it is an issue for him and his wife that they need to figure out.
WHile I do not spank my children, I was spanked as a child and pretty hard too - but I would never have categorized it as abuse.
Unless there is actual abuse going on, the no, I would not step in. And even in that case I would report it but not confront him - you don't want to get the wife "in trouble".
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| Posted 10/19/09 1:57 PM |
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XcalystaX
Sooo Sleep Deprived....
Member since 7/06 2742 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
I don't think it would go over well if you spoke to to Bob. In my opinion the mother needs to step up if she disagrees with the way the dad is disciplining his children, since they are hers as well. Do you think he is an abusive person where the mom would be scared to stand her ground?
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| Posted 10/19/09 1:58 PM |
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MrsSteflily
I love chocolate
Member since 4/06 2047 total posts
Name:
Stef
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
If you do not suspect abuse, then it is an issue between Bob and his wife. She needs to speak and and they need to work through it.
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| Posted 10/19/09 2:01 PM |
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brownie
Baby #1 is here!
Member since 11/08 13903 total posts
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Posted by MrsSteflily
If you do not suspect abuse, then it is an issue between Bob and his wife. She needs to speak and and they need to work through it.
I agree...as much as it sucks
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| Posted 10/19/09 2:02 PM |
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Michelle1123
Baby #5 on the way!
Member since 9/05 7919 total posts
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Posted by MrsSteflily
If you do not suspect abuse, then it is an issue between Bob and his wife. She needs to speak and and they need to work through it.
I agree. If she has an issue with it, she needs to bring it up.
We "spank" (I HATE that word) in my house and I can tell you at times it is the only thing that works. It never exceeds one or two slaps on the butt but DH and I are no the same page with this.
It is very rare that we have to resort to it. I would be deeply offended if someone in the family confronted me about it. I know spanking is not for everyone and people have different opinions than me, but it would still offend me anyway.
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| Posted 10/19/09 2:05 PM |
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Must agree with the other posters.
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| Posted 10/19/09 2:05 PM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Well my initial reaction is mind your own business. If "Bob" is spanking his DC as a form of discipline, ok. If "Bob" is beating his child that is another story. I was spanked, I see nothing wrong with a few spanks on the butt if my kid was doing something wrong, or got in trouble. I would also have no problem again I with a smack in the head. Im not talking slapping in the face, but a quick amack upside the back of the head. I think it depends how far "Bob" is taking it, his relation to you and your closeness to him. If I felt my brother was abusing his kids, I would have NO problem telling him. If it was a third, fourth cousin. I may say something but not so abruptly, as I would with my brother.
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| Posted 10/19/09 2:18 PM |
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Dulcinea
Weekend Warrior
Member since 3/08 2530 total posts
Name:
Dulcinea
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Thanks for the feedback ladies.
I won't have written about this if the mother hadn't asked that some family member speak to him. Bob is rather stubborn and won't listen to his wife.
He's certainly not abusing, but is probably too spank-happy. As far as I know, it's detrimental to kids if you use negative reinforcement too much....
Ironically a month ago, I emailed my entire family (him included) a studies about how hitting affects IQ in children w/o knowing about Bob's method. He responded saying he does spank his kids and may think it over after seeing that study.
Maybe I should follow up on that?
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| Posted 10/19/09 2:28 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Posted by Dulcinea
Thanks for the feedback ladies.
I won't have written about this if the mother hadn't asked that some family member speak to him. Bob is rather stubborn and won't listen to his wife.
He's certainly not abusing, but is probably too spank-happy. As far as I know, it's detrimental to kids if you use negative reinforcement too much....
Ironically a month ago, I emailed my entire family (him included) a studies about how hitting affects IQ in children w/o knowing about Bob's method. He responded saying he does spank his kids and may think it over after seeing that study.
Maybe I should follow up on that?
I think you have done your job already!  Although unintentional, it was a good way to get him to see his disicpline style in a different light.
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| Posted 10/19/09 2:34 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Posted by XcalystaX
I don't think it would go over well if you spoke to to Bob. In my opinion the mother needs to step up if she disagrees with the way the dad is disciplining his children, since they are hers as well. Do you think he is an abusive person where the mom would be scared to stand her ground?
I agree.
If it was abuse, then make the call. Otherwise, it's up to the wife to step up.
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| Posted 10/19/09 3:20 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
It's Bob's wife's issue. I would stay out of it.
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| Posted 10/19/09 3:37 PM |
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2PreciousBlessings
The Perfect Pair
Member since 5/06 19861 total posts
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Best Wife & Mommy
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Posted by Tine73
It's Bob's wife's issue. I would stay out of it.
ITA!
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| Posted 10/19/09 3:41 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Posted by GaryElla
Posted by Tine73
It's Bob's wife's issue. I would stay out of it.
ITA!
I agree as well.
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| Posted 10/19/09 3:45 PM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: Would you intervene? Spanking related
Posted by brownie
Posted by MrsSteflily
If you do not suspect abuse, then it is an issue between Bob and his wife. She needs to speak and and they need to work through it.
I agree...as much as it sucks
ITA
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| Posted 10/19/09 8:32 PM |
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