| Posted By |
Message |
AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
|
Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Those who follow my sil drama...
So I got the RD invitation today.... RSVP is due this week.
I want to rsvp with the real reason we arent going - B/C she hasn't involved us in the wedding, we arent part of the bridal party, she has ignored our feelings and treated us like dirt, and last but not least we dont want her petty invitation that I am sure her mother made her send since my mil is probably paying for the RD
DH dosen't want to cause tension or a fight ( his family will cause a fight no matter what reason we give IMO and I rather tell the truth) He wants to just say that we can't go b/c hes working and the RD is on a Wednesday night.
Ok true he is working and we def. can not make it to the church on time ( not like we had to be there anyway.. nothing for us to practice  )
But the dinner dosen't start until 9pm.
Technically we could make it but we eat dinner much earlier then that plus we have a 2 1/2 year old. If it dosent start till 9 it wont be over until past midnight and DH leaves for work at 5am every day.
So while they both are really "the truth" which answer would you give when rsvp'ing? or would you say both?
Message edited 8/23/2005 4:51:35 PM.
|
Posted 8/23/05 4:50 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
16 people and no one can give me their opinion/advice?
|
| Posted 8/23/05 4:53 PM |
| |
|
Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
I would say
"I appreciate the invite but since we aren't participating in the ceremony I don;t think it's a good idea that we come. It's too late not only for DH but also for DS who needs to be in bed at that hour. Again, thanks for the invite, but I think we'll just see everyone for the wedding."
Or something along those lines...
|
| Posted 8/23/05 4:53 PM |
| |
|
Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Hmmm....that's a tough situation. I would tell the truth...but that's me!!!
|
| Posted 8/23/05 4:53 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
i would use the "soft" answer so as not to further the tension
work is as good as an excuse as any
|
| Posted 8/23/05 4:53 PM |
| |
|
Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
I would tell her that your husband has to work, just lie. you don't want to create more unnecessary tension.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 4:54 PM |
| |
|
Marcie
Complete Happiness :)
Member since 5/05 27789 total posts
Name:
LOVE being a Mommy!
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Posted by Elbee
I would say
"I appreciate the invite but since we aren't participating in the ceremony I don;t think it's a good idea that we come. It's too late not only for DH but also for DS who needs to be in bed at that hour. Again, thanks for the invite, but I think we'll just see everyone for the wedding."
Or something along those lines...
I think this is great
|
| Posted 8/23/05 4:54 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
see, i can relate to your husband
you may not like his family, and you don't have to like them, but you need to deal with them on occasion. This means if you can avoid creating tension, then by all means you should do it for his sake.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 4:57 PM |
| |
|
AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Thanks for all your opinions 
I honestly think that no matter what reason we give my MIL will make an issue of it. The second answer might annoy her a little less then the first... but I have a feeling no matter what she is going to be upset.
So since she is going to be upset no matter what I just feel like they should know the full truth.
eta: Keeping it inside me is just going to upset/ hurt me more while they get away pretending everything is ok and not owning up to what they have done and how they have hurt us.
Message edited 8/23/2005 5:04:19 PM.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 4:59 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
that's fine, but less is always better than more in my book
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:00 PM |
| |
|
AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
that's fine, but less is always better than more in my book
Yes my husbands agrees with you and that is where we are having a problem.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:01 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Posted by AJsMommy122
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
that's fine, but less is always better than more in my book
Yes my husbands agrees with you and that is where we are having a problem.
you and boosh are alot alike
she always wants to tell the truth and i always like to take the easy road and fight the battles worth fighting
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:03 PM |
| |
|
Stefanie
♥
Member since 5/05 23599 total posts
Name:
Stefanie
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Posted by AJsMommy122
Thanks for all your opinions
I honestly thing that no matter what reason we give my MIL will make an issue of it. The second answer might annoy her a little less then the first... but I have a feeling no matter what she is going to be upset.
So since she is going to be upset no matter what I just feel like they should know the full truth.
eta: Keeping it inside me is just going to upset/ hurt me more while they get away pretending everything is ok and not owning up to what they have done and how they have hurt us.
I agree with you...AND I know how you feel.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:03 PM |
| |
|
MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Posted by Elbee
I would say
"I appreciate the invite but since we aren't participating in the ceremony I don;t think it's a good idea that we come. It's too late not only for DH but also for DS who needs to be in bed at that hour. Again, thanks for the invite, but I think we'll just see everyone for the wedding."
Or something along those lines...
I agree with this.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:04 PM |
| |
|
AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
Posted by AJsMommy122
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
that's fine, but less is always better than more in my book
Yes my husbands agrees with you and that is where we are having a problem.
you and boosh are alot alike
she always wants to tell the truth and i always like to take the easy road and fight the battles worth fighting
OMG that is us to a T
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:05 PM |
| |
|
Jax430
Hi!
Member since 5/05 18919 total posts
Name:
Jackie
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
Posted by AJsMommy122
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
that's fine, but less is always better than more in my book
Yes my husbands agrees with you and that is where we are having a problem.
you and boosh are alot alike
she always wants to tell the truth and i always like to take the easy road and fight the battles worth fighting
I have to agree with Don on this one. Since the work excuse is valid and you aren't just making it up, I would go with that, along with the fact that your DS has to be in bed. In all honesty, it doesn't sound like it would affect your SIL if she knew the real reasons for you not being there anyhow, and it would bring more hurt to your DH if you let her know the whole reason you weren't coming and then she didn't give a d@mn.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:06 PM |
| |
|
QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Posted by Jax430
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
Posted by AJsMommy122
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
that's fine, but less is always better than more in my book
Yes my husbands agrees with you and that is where we are having a problem.
you and boosh are alot alike
she always wants to tell the truth and i always like to take the easy road and fight the battles worth fighting
I have to agree with Don on this one. Since the work excuse is valid and you aren't just making it up, I would go with that, along with the fact that your DS has to be in bed. In all honesty, it doesn't sound like it would affect your SIL if she knew the real reasons for you not being there anyhow, and it would bring more hurt to your DH if you let her know the whole reason you weren't coming and then she didn't give a d@mn.
exactly, do it for his sake -- cuz he's gonna be the one to get the backlash
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:08 PM |
| |
|
Janice
Sweet Jessie Quinn
Member since 5/05 27567 total posts
Name:
Janice
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
your SIL may be rude, but I bet she is not dumb. When you decline she will know the reason without you even having to provide it. Gracefully decline and go about your merry way.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:11 PM |
| |
|
CowgirlChick97
Nike. Just do it.
Member since 5/05 3303 total posts
Name:
Brianna
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
OMG Max...how RUDEEE is she!!!
First of all, I think its sooo wrong to not include your or ur husband in the wedding party...IMO that's just rudeness!!
I'm including my fiancee's 3 sisters in the wedding-1 of them is married, but both their boyfriends are goin to be included too. (One will prob decline, but tahts a WHOLE other story!!!)
I'm also including my brothers gf in the wedding too...But back to you, I would ask her "Well, I thought the people in the bridal party were ONLY supposed to be invited to the RD?" Then I would say , very cooly, my husband has tto wake up very early and since we really arent involved.....and leave it like that.!
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:18 PM |
| |
|
rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
I like this response:
"I appreciate the invite but since we aren't participating in the ceremony I don;t think it's a good idea that we come. It's too late not only for DH but also for DS who needs to be in bed at that hour. Again, thanks for the invite, but I think we'll just see everyone for the wedding."
But I would also have ton seriously consider just saying no and not giving an explanation. Did they give you an explanation as to why they have not involved you?
Message edited 8/23/2005 5:21:39 PM.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:20 PM |
| |
|
AJsMommy122
Stop 2 smell the roses
Member since 5/05 2048 total posts
Name:
Maxine
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Posted by rose825
I like this response:
"I appreciate the invite but since we aren't participating in the ceremony I don;t think it's a good idea that we come. It's too late not only for DH but also for DS who needs to be in bed at that hour. Again, thanks for the invite, but I think we'll just see everyone for the wedding."
But I would also have ton seriously consider just saying no and not giving an explanation. Did they give you an explanation as to why they have not involved you?
Yes the first reason was a lie. " I don't want any married people in my bridal party"
Then at her shower I met the Best Man's WIFE 
When confronted with that she came up with a whole slew of lame excuses that didn't make scense.
Including " I havent known Maxine long enough" ( shes known me longer then shes known the guy she is marrying  )
" I felt bad b/c of your financial situation" ( Which is NONE of her business... but I am glad she is so concerned about us as my DH makes more then her, and her fiance combined)
and that my DH is "unreliable... you know your always late for sunday dinner"
Yeah.. 1/2 the time she isnt even THERE for sunday dinner at my mils house. Plus we are 3 people to get ready. And ummm I think sunday dinner in my MIL's basement is just a TAD different then a wedding 
Oh yeah and on that note I included her in my BP out of respect for my DH.. and guess what?? SHE WAS LATE getting to the hotel room!! and delayed pictures quite a bit!
Message edited 8/23/2005 5:29:29 PM.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 5:26 PM |
| |
|
Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
If your DH doesn't really want to go.....i would lie.
I know you are hurt and upset about how badly you felt you were treated....
But i really would wait until after the wedding to really confront head on like that! JMHO
|
| Posted 8/23/05 7:02 PM |
| |
|
julz33
i run for bacon
Member since 5/05 20584 total posts
Name:
julz
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
I like Elbee's response.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 7:10 PM |
| |
|
Elbee
Zanzibar
Member since 5/05 10767 total posts
Name:
Me
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
Maxine, there is no excuse for her making you feel bad, there really isn't. However, she nor her FH (your future BIL) are required to include you or DH in their wedding. So while your feelings are hurt, and understandably so, she didn't have to invite you to the rehersal dinner.
Whether it was your mil or her inviting you, you still got an invite, which they didn't have to do since you are not part of the ceremony.
If you really don't want to go you can say no and they'll just have to deal with it. From your other posts, it sounds like everyone already knows why everyone else is hurt. I don't think bringing it up again will make any difference in the outcome of what already has happened. The hurt is already out there, the only thing you can do now is try to think about your future relationship with your sil & fbil. If you feel you need to get it out, do it at a time when the 4 of you can sit down and talk about it.
Believe me, I've been there. My brother was once engaged to a girl and she made it clear that I wasn't going to be a part of the wedding. My brother never opened his mouth and it hurt me immensely. But it was their decision and I had to deal with my feelings. Luckily he dumped the ******, but that's another story. When I got engaged I asked him to part of my wedding because I wanted him in it. Him not asking me orginally didn't stop me from asking him.
Hurt feelings s*ck but this is your family now too and what happened has happened and you have to go from there.
|
| Posted 8/23/05 7:41 PM |
| |
|
dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
|
Re: Would you tell the "Real" answer or use the excuse? Long but I can really use your opinions!
I would go along with what your husband wants to do. It's his family, he is the one that is going to get the most grief about it, and in the end, it doesn't sound like you being honest with her is going to make a difference anyway. I think it could backfire on you, giving her more reason to exclude you in the future and talk nasty about you behind your back. I would skip the dinner and just see them at the wedding.
|
| Posted 8/24/05 10:14 AM |
| |
|
