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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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WWYD - 1st Birthday
So we had decided to do a small birthday party at home for Ryan - meaning grandparents and our siblings (under 15 people) and to take him away his birthday weekend - probably Disney.
At this point I don't even know when I can do cake with grandparents since I have a shower or something every weekend in March but we obviously will figure it out.
So my father (divorced from my mom) calls to say he doesn't want his family left out - his brothers and sisters. I said, "if I invite your family then I have to do a big thing b/c I have to invite mommy's family (which is easily 40 people)". I told him DH & I decided to keep it small.
He tells me he doesn't want his family left out of his grandson's life and can he get caterering at his brother's house (his house is too small) and have a party for Ryan there with his family. He says we don't even need to coordinate it with DH's schedule (he works most weekends).
So, now I'm upset b/c I did NOT want to do this. So I'm going from keeping it simply to 3 celebrations! Plus, I was trying to avoid 10,000 toys.
And it would have to be in April if at all since I'm booked all thru March.
Would you humor your single/lonely father and let him host a little something with his family for DS or tell him no??
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Posted 2/2/09 3:27 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
I would humor your dad. I would still have your small party and then let dad do his thing. For your dad's party perhaps he could suggest savings bonds so you won't be inundated with toys.
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:30 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
My vote is to let him do it. He feels so strongly about the importance to him that I'm afraid it would crush him more than you'd realize or intend.
Keep the peace...inconvenience yourself...and everything will be okay. That's what family is for 
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:31 PM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
I would have 2 parties for Ryan. One with your moms side and one with your dads. This is how my birthday was celebrated growing up.
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:31 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by DmarieK
I would have 2 parties for Ryan. One with your moms side and one with your dads. This is how my birthday was celebrated growing up.
Oh, I can't host one for my mom's side - my mom is 1 of 8 and there are 29 granchildren - impossible (then we can't afford to go away!). My parents get along fine - so it's not an issue of that. And then there's DH's side.
I planned on grandparents, my brothers & sister and DH's sister for our family thing.
This means I'd have to host mine, go away and host my Dad's b/c he says he'll cater but he has no clue - so I'll end up getting roped into planning and I have enough on my plate right now.
And then my DH won't be involved in the one with my Dad's side of the family which is a bit weird, right?
Message edited 2/2/2009 3:37:02 PM.
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:34 PM |
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DmarieK
My loves!!
Member since 1/06 9203 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by SweetCaroline
Oh, I can't host one for my mom's side - my mom is 1 of 8 and there are 29 granchildren - impossible (then we can't afford to go away!). My parents get along fine - so it's not an issue of that. And then there's DH's side.
I planned on grandparents, my brothers & sister and DH's sister for our family thing.
This means I'd have to host mine, go away and host my Dad's b/c he says he'll cater but he has no clue - so I'll end up getting roped into planning and I have enough on my plate right now.
And then my DH won't be involved in the one with my Dad's side of the family which is a bit weird, right?
I would do what you have planned already and then have your dad plan the other. Maybe an aunt can help him? Why wouldn't DH be involved with the one for your dads side?
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:41 PM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
I don't know... from what I'm reading here, it sounds like it would be 'easier' to just have one big party... 'easier' is in quotes because I know there will be nothing easy about it.
I know that means your plans are out the window but for me, when someone expresses such a strong interest in my kid I'm willing to indulge them, because there are so many people/families out there that just don't give a crap. Trust me on this one.  
I know it's a PITA but I couldn't begrudge anyone who wants to put their love for my child on display.
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:43 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by DmarieK
Why wouldn't DH be involved with the one for your dads side?
Because he works most weekends and my aunt/uncle live out east - if he came from work it wouldn't be til 7PM.
Message edited 2/2/2009 3:48:53 PM.
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:45 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by eroxgirl
I don't know... from what I'm reading here, it sounds like it would be 'easier' to just have one big party... 'easier' is in quotes because I know there will be nothing easy about it.
You mean get a hall and include everyone? Then we can't afford to go away if we have to spend $$ on catering for 75 people and a hall. My mom's side is huge, and then there's DH's side.
Unfortunately for us, we have to do it HUGE, or tiny.
We can't do something big at our house b/c a) we have no room and b) we're putting the house on the market soon so we'll be "staging"
Message edited 2/2/2009 3:48:38 PM.
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:47 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by Ang-Rich
My vote is to let him do it. He feels so strongly about the importance to him that I'm afraid it would crush him more than you'd realize or intend.
Keep the peace...inconvenience yourself...and everything will be okay. That's what family is for
ITA - have 2 parties...
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:49 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by Tine73
Posted by Ang-Rich
My vote is to let him do it. He feels so strongly about the importance to him that I'm afraid it would crush him more than you'd realize or intend.
Keep the peace...inconvenience yourself...and everything will be okay. That's what family is for
ITA - have 2 parties...
And leave DH out?
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:50 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by SweetCaroline
Posted by Tine73
Posted by Ang-Rich
My vote is to let him do it. He feels so strongly about the importance to him that I'm afraid it would crush him more than you'd realize or intend.
Keep the peace...inconvenience yourself...and everything will be okay. That's what family is for
ITA - have 2 parties...
And leave DH out?
As long as he can make the small one at your house you were originally planning, Yes.
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:54 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
My opinion is obviously not the popular one - but I don't think it's your Dad's place to dictate how your son's birthday is celebrated. - IF you were inviting people from your Mom's side, people from DH's side etc etc, then I can understand his concern re: his family being 'left out' - but you are keeping it to JUST the Grandparents and immediate Aunts/Uncles because you are choosing not to have a huge hoopla 1st Bday party and to go away on a vacation instead. - Regardless of who's paying for it, if it's not something you want to do, I don't think you should be forced to do it -
Also, is that going to caus an issue w/ your Mom and her side and your ILs and their side ?? KWIM?
I have a huge family and I am the Queen diplomat and always doing whatever it takes to 'keep the peace' but I think this is unfair. - And I think it's especially unfair for him to suggest you have this huge party w/o your DH there !! - 
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| Posted 2/2/09 3:59 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by MarisaK
My opinion is obviously not the popular one - but I don't think it's your Dad's place to dictate how your son's birthday is celebrated. - IF you were inviting people from your Mom's side, people from DH's side etc etc, then I can understand his concern re: his family being 'left out' - but you are keeping it to JUST the Grandparents and immediate Aunts/Uncles because you are choosing not to have a huge hoopla 1st Bday party and to go away on a vacation instead. - Regardless of who's paying for it, if it's not something you want to do, I don't think you should be forced to do it -
Also, is that going to caus an issue w/ your Mom and her side and your ILs and their side ?? KWIM?
I have a huge family and I am the Queen diplomat and always doing whatever it takes to 'keep the peace' but I think this is unfair. - And I think it's especially unfair for him to suggest you have this huge party w/o your DH there !! -
I knew you'd have my back 
It wouldn't be a huge party - his family is small. So, it would just be a small celebration.
That's my whole point though - we (DH & I) decided the big/multiple celebrations were not necessary - but my dad's a little dramatic - as you can see.
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| Posted 2/2/09 4:06 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by SweetCaroline
I knew you'd have my back
It wouldn't be a huge party - his family is small. So, it would just be a small celebration.
That's my whole point though - we (DH & I) decided the big/multiple celebrations were not necessary - but my dad's a little dramatic - as you can see.
Well, when push comes to shove, he's your child, and you have to do what you feel is best for everyone.
I think it's awesome that Grandpa WANTS to make a big fuss over his Grandson, but if Mom and Dad really don't want it ..........I think Grandpa has to deal -
What does your DH think about it?
Let me ask you thing though, do you think if it were your ILs insisting you do thing their way, you'd end up having to give in ?? ........KWIM? Just trying to play devil's advocate. -
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| Posted 2/2/09 4:23 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by MarisaK
Posted by SweetCaroline
I knew you'd have my back
It wouldn't be a huge party - his family is small. So, it would just be a small celebration.
That's my whole point though - we (DH & I) decided the big/multiple celebrations were not necessary - but my dad's a little dramatic - as you can see.
Well, when push comes to shove, he's your child, and you have to do what you feel is best for everyone.
I think it's awesome that Grandpa WANTS to make a big fuss over his Grandson, but if Mom and Dad really don't want it ..........I think Grandpa has to deal -
What does your DH think about it?
Let me ask you thing though, do you think if it were your ILs insisting you do thing their way, you'd end up having to give in ?? ........KWIM? Just trying to play devil's advocate. -
Haven't run it by DH yet since he's renovating the bathroom and I didn't feel the need to call him with this while he's pulling a toilet out I'm sure he'll say it's up to me.
If it were DH's parents, I probably wouldn't consider it - just b/c his mom left the country for 2 months 3.5 wks after Ryan was born, came back for a month and then left again for another couple months (and then again), so she doesn't feel the need to be around for much - so I certainly wouldn't be humoring her. Luckily, there is no one really on that side of the family so it wouldn't come up. In fact, I bet she would have a comment if I was doing a big party for DS something along the lines of it being unnecessary.
Message edited 2/2/2009 4:29:45 PM.
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| Posted 2/2/09 4:28 PM |
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springchick
make a wish
Member since 5/08 3566 total posts
Name:
justask
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by MarisaK
My opinion is obviously not the popular one - but I don't think it's your Dad's place to dictate how your son's birthday is celebrated. - IF you were inviting people from your Mom's side, people from DH's side etc etc, then I can understand his concern re: his family being 'left out' - but you are keeping it to JUST the Grandparents and immediate Aunts/Uncles because you are choosing not to have a huge hoopla 1st Bday party and to go away on a vacation instead. - Regardless of who's paying for it, if it's not something you want to do, I don't think you should be forced to do it -
Also, is that going to caus an issue w/ your Mom and her side and your ILs and their side ?? KWIM?
I totally agree with this, is your child so he should respect what you decided to do, and is not like you are giving preference to one side of the family over the ther
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| Posted 2/2/09 5:35 PM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: WWYD - 1st Birthday
Posted by browneyes
I totally agree with this, is your child so he should respect what you decided to do, and is not like you are giving preference to one side of the family over the ther
I know - I'm a little annoyed that he had to refer to it as me leaving out his family - first off, they are my family too, and i have no issue with them - just trying to keep things simply and fair.
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| Posted 2/2/09 9:13 PM |
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