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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Message edited 8/30/2009 10:17:38 AM.
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Posted 8/30/09 10:16 AM  |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by DRMom
Posted by 3monkeys
After what we see on the news, im sorry but this deserves the most harsh reaction possible (to her). I would consider telling authorities too. You now know that she drinks, and know that she has children in her care. That's pretty scary.
Just because she's not driving with them, doesnt mean something cant happen at home when she gets drunk again on a bright afternoon and is not supervising them properly!
she needs a harsh, loud wake up call IMMEDIATELY. DId you react when she came home ? did you say anything to her ?
Thank God nothing happened in that car, to those precious children and to anyone else on the road.
I would never EVER leave your child under her care again. and I would also kick her out of the house, and search the house for any alcohol. You can get into serious trouble yourself if you know about this and still leave children under her care.
Im sorry to be so harsh, with what's been on the news lately, this story has me shaking jsut as it did you, and you have to see it in a way, as a second chance, as a blessing, a TREMENDOUS blessing that nothing happened.
Please let other family members know that can help her out also, if you feel this is too much to take on (her issues).
ITA-I would look on CL for a babysitter you can afford and do not have her watch your children. No matter what you have to do DO NOT EVER let her watch your children!
Also-and not to be harsh but don't you feel any sense of responsibility to her children? She needs help. I can't beleive someone would do this after hearing that heartbreaking Taconic story and seeing those pictures
Yes, I do feel responsible for her children as well. I feel just awful for them. I've taken them overnight when she couldn't care for them or they were scared to be with her. I've told her older one (who is now 12) that if he knows she has been drinking that he should not get in the car with her -- that he needs to call me and I will come get them wherever they are. I've talked her out of taking them places, and sometimes even refused to let her take them out. And the physical endangerment is not even bad enough -- I worry all the time about what this is doing to them psychologically. She is their only parent and they don't even have her to be reasonable for them. Even her 6 year old is aware of what is going on now.
In the past week we have even discussed how despicable the woman on the Taconic was. I just can't even believe she did this, to ALL of us!!!!!
Unfortunately I do know what I have to do, it is just really hard especially when it is family. But even if she never speaks to me again, the ability to still speak to my children every day is much more important than that.
ETA: I would also love to kick her out of my house but I fear for her kids to not have anybody to turn to when needed.
Message edited 8/30/2009 10:21:29 AM.
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| Posted 8/30/09 10:18 AM |
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kmac
Two under two!
Member since 5/07 3703 total posts
Name:
Kris
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by ChrisDee
Car or no car, she would not be allowed to watch my kids PERIOD! Regret is a terrible thing.
ITA No matter how desperate, I could not put my child in that kind of situation. I would make other arrangements.
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| Posted 8/30/09 10:22 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by pharmcat2000
But even if she never speaks to me again, the ability to still speak to my children every day is much more important than that.
and this is what it really comes down to. if you feel yourself wavering, come back and read this.
i am sorry you are faced with this. i can't imagine how you feel. 
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| Posted 8/30/09 10:22 AM |
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Palebride
I am an amazing bakist
Member since 5/05 13673 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Her children are in danger in this situation as well...I would call CPS to help them out. If they need a place to stay, can you and your husband watch them temporarily.
Ugh....this is horrible. I'm so sorry!
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| Posted 8/30/09 10:24 AM |
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LoriH
There's no place like home
Member since 8/07 4110 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
There is no way I would leave my child alone with this person period. She has a very serious problem and I can almost guarantee this is not the first time she did something like this. It is just the first time she was caught. You need to start asking around to find someone else to watch your DC. Do you have any other family that can help out for the time being? Any close friends?
By not doing anything about this you are not only putting all the children in her care in danger but you are enabling her addiction. There needs too be consequences for her actions.
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| Posted 8/30/09 12:23 PM |
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DeniseMarie
<3
Member since 8/07 10682 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm sorry, but at this point I would kick her out of your house for driving drunk with her children and your child in the car. Simply inexcusable. There are plenty of alcoholics in our world, but not all of them are as reckless as she to risk her life, the life of her children, the life of another's child, and all those on the road, by driving intoxicated.
As for watching your child - never, never, never, would I leave my child with someone whom I have any suspicion may be drinking while on their watch. There are a whole multitude of emergencies, or simple safety concerns that arise when watching children, that necessitate a sober, watchful and awake sitter. It only takes one neglectful moment, and your and your child's life will be altered forever more...
yup same here and I would be calling CPS on her.
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| Posted 8/30/09 12:31 PM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by Bxgell2
I'm sorry, but at this point I would kick her out of your house for driving drunk with her children and your child in the car. Simply inexcusable. There are plenty of alcoholics in our world, but not all of them are as reckless as she to risk her life, the life of her children, the life of another's child, and all those on the road, by driving intoxicated.
As for watching your child - never, never, never, would I leave my child with someone whom I have any suspicion may be drinking while on their watch. There are a whole multitude of emergencies, or simple safety concerns that arise when watching children, that necessitate a sober, watchful and awake sitter. It only takes one neglectful moment, and your and your child's life will be altered forever more...
I agree..Im so sorry your going through this
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| Posted 8/30/09 12:49 PM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by nrthshgrl
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I would tell the family member that as far as I was concerned, she's just given her notice. Tell her that she no longer gets the reduced amount in rent any longer & the only reason she is staying at this point is because she has a child too. Tell her if you find she's drinking & driving again, you will be calling the police.
What a horrible position to be put in! I'm putting it in a wwyd perpective & I wouldn't let her watch my children unless she was in a program & actively involed in it. She needs more sobreity under her belt before I'd ever trust her again (I mean at least a year). Erin has medical stuff going on, you need someone clearheaded.
I would speak to someone in my neighborhood about coming in for the same amount or find a friend. The I don't really want someone to watch them drunk shouldn't be even an option. If this was a daycare provider, they'd be fired on the spot. You need to take the family emotions out of this. Your babysitter drove drunk with your child. If this was a stranger, she'd be fired - at minimum.
ITA with everything she said! There is no way I would let her watch my child. I'm not sure how much you pay her or what the arrangement is but I would find someone else ASAP.
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| Posted 8/30/09 1:28 PM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by LoriH
By not doing anything about this you are not only putting all the children in her care in danger but you are enabling her addiction. There needs too be consequences for her actions.
ITA. you should have stopped her right in her tracks when she sobered up the next morning, told her what she did (if she didnt realize it). I dont think anyone is giving her any wake up calls here. I'd be livid. the fact that she took your daughter into the car, directly involved YOU, so now that youre involved, you need to take it a step further. ask counselors for their opinions, see that her license gets revoked, tell her kids teachers at school. This is a bad situation all around.
im sorry that youre involved in this, but you really need to take action at this point.
what did she say about driving drunk with the kids in the car ??
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| Posted 8/30/09 1:57 PM |
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Michelle1123
Baby #5 on the way!
Member since 9/05 7919 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
I probably would have hit the brakes on this whole situation when you found her drinking before Erin was born.
I wouldnt just kick her out though because she is a danger to her own children. Definitely call CPS or find out what other kind of action you can take.
Something needs to be done before she hurts someone!
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. But PLEASE, do not leave her alone with the kids again
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| Posted 8/30/09 2:14 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
I am so sorry you are going through this
It sounds like you know the right answer-despite how hard it is, she can't watch your kids anymore.
I probably would not kick her out, only for the sake of her two kids. I don't know what the answer is as far as that is concerned.
I would raise her rent and hire someone for a few hours.
You guys will get ahead, it will just have to wait a little longer
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| Posted 8/30/09 2:17 PM |
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by pharmcat2000
I've told her older one (who is now 12) that if he knows she has been drinking that he should not get in the car with her -- that he needs to call me and I will come get them wherever they are.
I feel bad for him. That is alot for a 12 year old to have to deal with. He drove with her from the party. When you're 12, what are your choices go with your mom or get left behind. Both are scary for someone that young.
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| Posted 8/30/09 2:47 PM |
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Kidsaplenty
Sister love
Member since 2/06 5971 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by davenjess
i have to say party's over....
she DROVE DRUNK...with your child. end of story. if she did that - drinking at home and hiding it is NOTHING...and she will likely do it again (this being said by a child of an alcoholic).
ITA. I would bet money that she has been drinking before this incident. Usually an alcoholic's behavior escalates to something like this.
Personally, I'd call CPS on her. Give her 1-2 weeks to move out. Do not let her watch your children EVER again.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. How scary
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| Posted 8/30/09 2:57 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by nrthshgrl
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I would tell the family member that as far as I was concerned, she's just given her notice. Tell her that she no longer gets the reduced amount in rent any longer & the only reason she is staying at this point is because she has a child too. Tell her if you find she's drinking & driving again, you will be calling the police.
What a horrible position to be put in! I'm putting it in a wwyd perpective & I wouldn't let her watch my children unless she was in a program & actively involed in it. She needs more sobreity under her belt before I'd ever trust her again (I mean at least a year). Erin has medical stuff going on, you need someone clearheaded.
I would speak to someone in my neighborhood about coming in for the same amount or find a friend. The I don't really want someone to watch them drunk shouldn't be even an option. If this was a daycare provider, they'd be fired on the spot. You need to take the family emotions out of this. Your babysitter drove drunk with your child. If this was a stranger, she'd be fired - at minimum.
Completely agree.
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| Posted 8/30/09 4:57 PM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
I would never let her watch my children. I would also call CPS because she shouldn't be watching her own children. Who the hell let her get behind the wheel of a car when leaving that party?
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| Posted 8/30/09 6:33 PM |
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
I would do whatever needed to be done to protect my children, as well as her children. CPS should be notified. She will thank you one day down the road, or at least when her children are adults they will. It doesn't matter if she goes to two meetings, seven days a week, if she doesn't want to change she won't. I would also contact her sponsor for advice from AA if possible, or notify someone there. She needs to not be in charge or your child at anytime, or her own. After the recent tragedy in the news you can't afford to have regret. As for taking the car seats so she cant take them anywhere, who knows if that will even stop her. She drove drunk with children in the car!!! She shouldn't have a license. I would call the police on her if I knew she was drinking & driving again, family or not.
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| Posted 8/30/09 7:09 PM |
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Alli06
Baby #3 coming this June
Member since 8/05 6721 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by prncsslehcar
I'm sorry, but I can't even imagine that you're still considering having this woman watch your children. She drove DRUNK with your daughter in the car. DRUNK. I'm not saying this to come down on you, but because I'm just so upset FOR you and this woman deserves nothing from you at this point.
My aunt's ex husband was an alcoholic and a cop. He had off during the days, so both my aunts would use him to watch their kids during the day. Well, one time he took them to the mall and passed out cold on the floor because he was so drunk. They all thought he was sober, but quickly came to find out that he had been drinking all day with the kids. Not only was he never allowed to watch their kids again, my aunt kicked his azz out of the house.
You have to find another way. If your DH has to give up his job or work on Sundays, guess what? That's the sacrifice until you can figure something out. I'm so incredibly angry for you, you have no idea
I agree 100% How could you even consider still leaving your kids with her. So many bad things could happen, and you would never forgive yourself. All I keep thinking about is that women going the wrong way on the highway and killed all those kids.
I know money is tight, but you need to find another way. Even if she is going to AA meetings, doesn't mean she is going to quit drinking completely. I have seen to many people who are addicts do good for a while and then fall back into their old ways.
Good Luck! I would feel horrible for her kids too. I really agree with other posters about calling CPS.
Message edited 8/30/2009 7:35:14 PM.
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| Posted 8/30/09 7:22 PM |
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groovypeg
:)
Member since 5/05 2423 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
CPS needs to be called. period. she is endangering the welfare of her children and not to mention yours. dont let another taconic tragedy happen. it doesnt matter that she is family. she needs help.
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| Posted 8/30/09 8:06 PM |
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MDF
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Member since 5/05 2313 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Do you have any other family that could help you deal with all of this. It's not fair that you should have to deal with this by yourself
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| Posted 8/30/09 8:24 PM |
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
All addicts are enabled by someone and this is what's happening here. You are concerned about her rent? That is putting energy in the wrong place. Knowing she was drunk watching your kids and letting her do it again is turning a blind eye regardless of how desperate you are for affordable childcare. Driving drunk in any situation is inexcusable but with your children is a death wish. All I could think of was the taconic incident. And a drunk will most certainly not be watching a child closely enough to prevent drowning, swallowing poison, leaving the house and getting hit by a car, a TV falling on them, and countless horrific dangers that can kill a child when sober, good eyes are on a child. No way!! Times are tough, trust me, I know. But we have gone through our cable, phone, and hot water shut off because our money has to go to expensive daycare that keeps our child safe.
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| Posted 8/30/09 8:46 PM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by MDF
Do you have any other family that could help you deal with all of this. It's not fair that you should have to deal with this by yourself
I agree and was going to ask you the same thing. too much for one person to deal with.
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| Posted 8/30/09 8:51 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
I think my objective opinion is out the window based on the last story with the Schuler family. There is absolutely NO WAY I could put my dc back into a potentially dangerous situation. OMG how dare her I would tell her to find another job and get that $$$ that she needs to pay adequate rent. There are NO bargains when you screw with family the way she did.
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| Posted 8/30/09 8:57 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
I would call CPS, the cops and her sponsor. She has a child, she is driving drunk with her and your child/children in the car - there is just NO excuse for that.
I would inform her that effective immediately you are raising her rent and that she is no longer watching your children.
I would find another day care provider. Does her DC have anywhere to go that is a safe place?
To say I would be livid is an absolute understatement. Frankly, the first time you thought someone (even a family member) was a drunk caregiver around your DC would make me not ever trust them again to babysit my child.
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| Posted 8/30/09 9:20 PM |
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littlejoy06
Love
Member since 3/07 6944 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by ChrisDee
Car or no car, she would not be allowed to watch my kids PERIOD! Regret is a terrible thing.
ITA!!
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.
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| Posted 8/30/09 9:27 PM |
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