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HillW9608
Hello Summer!
Member since 5/08 5916 total posts
Name:
Hill
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by ChrisDee
Car or no car, she would not be allowed to watch my kids PERIOD! Regret is a terrible thing.
I have to agree.. its too scary to think about.
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Posted 8/31/09 9:38 PM  |
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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by pharmcat2000
Posted by nyteacher13
Exactly. It disturbs me that the OP would even CONSIDER asking this woman to watch her child again. That makes me just as sick as the fact that her child was in the car with a drunk driver!
I'm sorry but I think this is a bit harsh. I know I asked for people's opinions on how I should handle this but until you've walked a day in my shoes you can not judge me. The reason I asked for opinions in the first place was because I felt uneasy about it. If I didn't have a problem with it I wouldn't have asked what others thought, I would have just done it.
And it is extremely out of line to put me in the same category as a person who drove drunk. I am trying to find safe care for my children and I would love for it to be me, but I also don't think me watching them after being up for 30 hours is safe. By the time I get home from work on Fridays I have been up already since THURSDAY morning!! At that point sleep is not a luxury.
Yes, it was a bit harsh. Deliberately so. What this woman pulled off with your child in the car made me angry and it prompted me to react. How dare she? I would never EVER let this person care for my child and the fact that she probably does this all the time with her OWN kids is disgusting. I hope you did the right thing and called cps on her. If you care about her kids, then it's the best thing you can do to help her. I'm sure you meant well by thinking you'd possibly ask this person a second time, but it's your child's life that your risking if this person happens to mess up again.
I hope the decision you made is one that works best for you and your family. I truly hope that her negligance doesn't prove fatal for her own children.
Message edited 9/1/2009 12:42:21 AM.
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| Posted 9/1/09 12:30 AM |
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nyteacher13
Three Under Four!!! :-)
Member since 8/06 6405 total posts
Name:
~ THERESA ~
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Message edited 9/1/2009 12:35:26 AM.
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| Posted 9/1/09 12:33 AM |
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Lifnewbie
LIF Infant
Member since 7/06 87 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Wow, some people really need to take it down a notch. It's not as if there are good mommy points awarded for how outraged you get at the Taconic incident or issues that sound close to it.
This woman asks for genuine help in a terrible situation, and most people are supportive and give good suggestions but it can be done w/o judgment. I hope that others who may need help too are not scared off by some of the responses.
To Christine, the OP, I hope you find your solution and it sounds like you may have already. While I do worry for the children of this other woman, I don't think Christine's calling CPS right now is so cut and dry either. Unfortunately, if you are in a landlord-tenant dispute and call CPS, that might look suspicious and you never know what stories she may concoct to keep herself housed and enabled. I think get her out as quickly and quietly as possible and then call CPS? You need to look out for you and yours first and then try to help the others -- there is no way that this person can be a good influence, even if the immediate danger is now over.
Good luck and sorry. This is awful.
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| Posted 9/1/09 7:00 AM |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by twicethefun
if I had to go 72 hours without sleep at a time
You think you would go that long without sleep for your DC because you'd WANT to. But to be awake (and ALERT) for that long is not possible. For 13 hours while my DC sleep I am a pharmacist in a hospital and if I'm "off" somebody could be seriously hurt. When I'm home with my DC if I'm "off" somebody could be seriously hurt. Once you go too long without sleep (and I just don't remember what that time is), your reaction time and judgement become the same as a person who is intoxicated. I hope I'm not sounding like a needy selfish mother who wouldn't do anything for her children but I have to make plans that are reasonable and realistic.
Just to clarify something for everybody, this person does not drink every day. And I know that is NO EXCUSE for what she did. But my thought of having her watch my DC is not a certain death sentence. Most of the time she IS a responsible caretaker. I do know that I need to find alternate plans because there is no way to predict when she will have another slip.
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| Posted 9/1/09 7:44 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
The real question is "what would you do if she was NOT a family member?"
The initial issue is just that... alcohol and driving/watching your child!
Personally... she is FIRED!!!!!! And I might even threat her with calling the cops.
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| Posted 9/1/09 8:22 AM |
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LoriH
There's no place like home
Member since 8/07 4110 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
You think you would go that long without sleep for your DC because you'd WANT to. But to be awake (and ALERT) for that long is not possible. For 13 hours while my DC sleep I am a pharmacist in a hospital and if I'm "off" somebody could be seriously hurt. When I'm home with my DC if I'm "off" somebody could be seriously hurt. Once you go too long without sleep (and I just don't remember what that time is), your reaction time and judgement become the same as a person who is intoxicated. I hope I'm not sounding like a needy selfish mother who wouldn't do anything for her children but I have to make plans that are reasonable and realistic.
Just to clarify something for everybody, this person does not drink every day. And I know that is NO EXCUSE for what she did. But my thought of having her watch my DC is not a certain death sentence. Most of the time she IS a responsible caretaker. I do know that I need to find alternate plans because there is no way to predict when she will have another slip.
You are totally correct in the fact that it is not safe for you to take care of your children on no sleep. You do need to make realistic plans for their care that is safe.
Rationalizing that she is not drunk daily, so this is not a certain death sentence is making excuses for her. This to me is you being in denial of the severity of this situation. A reasonable responsible caregiver would never put a child in the type of danger this woman has. If this was the babysitter, I really think you would be reacting differently. Like so many of these other ladies have said, you need to look at it as if this were a babysitter and not family.
Luckily nothing happened to your DC or anyone else on the road that day she decided to drive drunk. You were given a second chance, not everyone is so lucky. You now need to make the right decision. Realize this person needs help and will not be able to get it until they are ready. In the meantime, your responsibility is to protect your children. Do everything in your power to keep them safe.
Message edited 9/1/2009 8:45:29 AM.
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| Posted 9/1/09 8:36 AM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by pharmcat2000
Just to clarify something for everybody, this person does not drink every day. And I know that is NO EXCUSE for what she did. But my thought of having her watch my DC is not a certain death sentence. Most of the time she IS a responsible caretaker. I do know that I need to find alternate plans because there is no way to predict when she will have another slip.
Please, please, please stop making excuses for her!! Most of the time she is a responsible caretaker???? What kind of a rationale is that?
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| Posted 9/1/09 8:43 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by Karen
Posted by pharmcat2000
Just to clarify something for everybody, this person does not drink every day. And I know that is NO EXCUSE for what she did. But my thought of having her watch my DC is not a certain death sentence. Most of the time she IS a responsible caretaker. I do know that I need to find alternate plans because there is no way to predict when she will have another slip.
Please, please, please stop making excuses for her!! Most of the time she is a responsible caretaker???? What kind of a rationale is that?
ITA
The Schuler family says she wasn't a drinker but look what happened.
I think that people who don't drink everyday are more conscientious about getting into a car and driving drunk.
Alcoholics are pros at hiding it.
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| Posted 9/1/09 8:47 AM |
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mommyof2tobe
LIF Infant
Member since 1/07 50 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by Karen
Posted by pharmcat2000
Just to clarify something for everybody, this person does not drink every day. And I know that is NO EXCUSE for what she did. But my thought of having her watch my DC is not a certain death sentence. Most of the time she IS a responsible caretaker. I do know that I need to find alternate plans because there is no way to predict when she will have another slip.
Please, please, please stop making excuses for her!! Most of the time she is a responsible caretaker???? What kind of a rationale is that?
You also would have never thought that she would get in a car drunk with children, let alone yours.
She's an addict with a sickness. She CAN'T HELP herself. Don't wait for something to happen. Be proactive for her, her children, you and your children.
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| Posted 9/1/09 9:04 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
Posted by pharmcat2000
there is no way to predict when she will have another slip.
There is your answer right there.
Yes, losing the rent sucks!!!! I would get another job if I had to if you cannot find another renter.
Losing daycare sucks! I think anyone you find might me more responsible than her.
The point is.... you have an emergency situation and you need to address like it is.
Get a babysitter TODAY. Explain to your boss that you have an EMERGENCY and you need to take care of it.
I personally would not work on Fridays until I find a babysitter. But in way would this person watch my child from the moment I found out she had be driving drunk.
It's one thing to be "stuck!" it's another to accept a situation of endangement because you feel you don't have other options. YOU DO have other options!
You just can accept this for the own safety of your child. Because accepting this now, means you will kind of forget, then let it slide, then think it's going to work out again... IT'S NOT! She can put your child, your house in danger anytime, any second.
Good luck!
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| Posted 9/1/09 9:52 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: WWYD - alcohol related (long, sorry)
There is really nothing more to add. But as a working mom, I sympathisize with your position. Its a terrible situation to be in.
But the first thing you need to do is make sure your child is safe. It seems like you are working on that one by getting a new babysitter for Friday. Even if you need to take a Friday or two off- do it.
As for her, I'd give her notice. I would also seriously consider calling CPS. Its a terrible situation she put your DD in- but imagine the daily situations her own children are in. You need to make sure those kids are safe too.
Its a lot for one family to handle. I'm sorry you are in this tough position, but you need to make sure that your DD and those kids are safe.
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| Posted 9/1/09 10:02 AM |
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