WWYD? Baby #2 related

Disclaimer: This is just a poll. Ultimatelly this is a personal decision BUT I posted a poll to know what YOU would do.

If you were on the fence with baby #2, WWDY?

- Chances that DC #2 "could" be another special need child
- Everyday you question yourself on whether you want a baby #2. Some days it's yes, some days it's no (reasons to follow!), some days it's maybe
- You have a lot of home improvements to do and having a baby #2 would mean loss of income for a while. Lots of projects would have to wait another 3-4 years minimum. Sometimes it's frustrating!
- You cannot really work more hours (increase your business) for also another 3-4 years so you cannot finance those home improvements.
- You are not getting any younger (DH is 41, I will be turning 40 this year).
- This is the last year you think you can TTC because you feel you will not be able to have a NB when you are almost 42 and the last of sleep. And you postponne even longer.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Obviously, a very personal decision. But honestly, if I had 50% desire to have a second, and were in your shoes I would be going for #2 now based on your age.

Good luck with your decision

Message edited 5/15/2009 10:13:19 AM.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

I personally would go for #2. I couldn't live my life with all of the what ifs. The house and its improvements will always be there but the chance to have another child will not.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

If I really wanted another baby, I would have another.

Home improvements can wait as can most other things. As far as the needs my child may have, I couldn't live stuck in "the what if's."

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

for me, personally, I did not want an only child so I would go for baby #2

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

I am 41, my DH is older than that. I am done having babies for several reasons, but mainly because while I think my DH is a great dad and does a lot, the bulk of the responsibility falls on my shoulders. For reasons very specific to us and our family, I don't think another baby would be good for us.

I will say that now that the decision has been made, it is kind of a relief to put all of my focus and attention into the family I have, instead of worrying about the "what ifs...."

It's funny that you say 42 is your cutoff. When we first decided to try to have a baby, 42 was my cutoff age for having the first baby. What is it about 42?

ETA : I also wouldn't base the decision on the home improvement stuff. I know it gets really frustrating in the day to day moments, but in the long run, it's not going to matter that much.

Message edited 5/15/2009 10:18:52 AM.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

only you can decide, but for me, i would try for baby # 2. but i am an only child who has always longed for a sibling and having at least 2 babies is really really important to me.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

we decided to have #2 regardless of DSs issues (he is ASD) he was given the diagnosis 2/24 when i was 2 1/2 months pregnant...

my DH will be 41 this year and i just turned 35. so we felt with both or ages we needed to start crackin.

it will never get easier financially bc there will always be another excuse on why "you" should wait.

like you said the decision is ultimately up to you and DH.

we decided to go for it.. if baby C turns out to be autistic as well, then so be it...

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

I have some similar fears/obstacles related to baby #2 --- and it is a very personal decision like you said but I've decided that I'm going to continue my plans for baby #2 because at the end of the day there will always be xyz standing in the way of my decision. The obstacles might not always be the same but there will always be something.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Posted by dpli

I am 41, my DH is older than that. I am done having babies for several reasons, but mainly because while I think my DH is a great dad and does a lot, the bulk of the responsibility falls on my shoulders. For reasons very specific to us and our family, I don't think another baby would be good for us.

I will say that now that the decision has been made, it is kind of a relief to put all of my focus and attention into the family I have, instead of worrying about the "what ifs...."

It's funny that you say 42 is your cutoff. When we first decided to try to have a baby, 42 was my cutoff age for having the first baby. What is it about 42?

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Sophie - DH & I are both "older" parents. Since he doesn't mind revealing his age, I can share that he turned 45 the day I gave birth - which means he will turn 50 the day she turns 5. Age only pushed us to TTC immediately after the wedding instead of waiting a year (which had I been 10 years younger I would have done).

Immediately after having DD I wanted another child, and wanted to TTC when she was 6 months old. DH did not. Because it is something both parties have to be on the same page with - we did not TTC. Now all of a sudden he wants to TTC. I'm not in that place anymore. I already resigned myself to having one child. I've made peace with that choice. BUT it sounds like you have not. The reasons you listed for only having one to me sound hollow (except for the first one), and almost like you want us to help push you toward having another one.

I'll quote Barb . . . you'll never regret having a child, but you might regret NOT having one.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

When it comes to being on the fence I feel like you would wonder "what if" you didn't, but would never wonder "what if" you did.

Gl in your decision!

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Stuff will always keep coming up in life. If it's not one thing, it's another. So, I would go for #2!

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

I wouldn't worry about the fact that DC # 2 might also be special needs.

I say that because even if a child is born without special needs, anything can happen at any point to change that. It's just one of the unknowns we live with.

Everything else will be there when you are ready for it-home improvements, etc.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

The home improvements would not dissuade me or factor into my TTC plans because I feel like the house is an ongoing process & a lifetime project.

I wanted to have more than one child so I would have a 2nd one. I'm 41 & we made the decision not to have more children because we feel it would be at the sacrifice to our children we have now even though we both had it in our mind to have 3 children. It would change the dynamic of the groove we're in & neither of us want that.

I have no experience with having a special needs but it would also depend on the level of care needed. Having worked with people with special needs (developmentally disabled, psychiatric issues), I know each person has their challenges & rewards. I think it's a matter of what you think you can handle.

I do stand by what I've posted before. Even with the challenges you are faced now, I don't imagine that you have any regrets about having E.

Message edited 5/15/2009 11:21:05 AM.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

I would go for baby #2 with a "if it happens, it happens" approach.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Do you physically have to give birth to your second child? Would adoption be an option for you?

We were set on have 1 child, because #1 was/is very hard. When DD was 3, We decided on 1 more.

Good Luck in the decision making.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Posted by SweetCaroline

Obviously, a very personal decision. But honestly, if I had 50% desire to have a second, and were in your shoes I would be going for #2 now based on your age.

Good luck with your decision

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

IMO, I think you would know in your heart if you really did not want another child. The fact that you are considering it is a yes. That being said, I am not a parent of a child with special needs, though I have worked with children of all ages with just about every disability out there and in everything from pediatric hospitals, homes, and schools. The home improvements shouldn't be a big deal unless the roof will cave in or the place isn't safe. When you think back on your life you remember the people and the love, not the "stuff". I think you will know when your family feels complete. Try to listen to the little voice inside, your heart, not the brain overriding it.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

I think all the pp gave excellent advice, but if I were in your position I would try now for number 2. Life never works out the way we "plan" it too. There will always be something to do for the house, whether it was furniture, remodel, upgrade, garden, repair, replace, etc. the house is a never ending project. If you think you are financially, emotionally and physically capable of having a second child I would try to do it. But ultimately, only you and your DH can answer this question for yourselves.

Re: WWYD? Baby #2 related

It's hard to say without being in the position myself, but I don't think I would have a second child.