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x-post - Am I wrong?

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Bxgell2
Perfection

Member since 5/05

16438 total posts

Name:
Beth

x-post - Am I wrong?

I have to vent about a friend. She's a GOOD friend of mine but sometimes she just doesn't understand the rules of social etiquette.

I know I've mentioned this before, but my father is very sick. He has been a diabetic for over 40 years, and about 5 years ago he went into kidney failure and was put on dialysis. Dialysis takes its toll and as a result he has had several heart attacks. Because of this, and his age, it's still questionable whether or not he qualifies for the transplant list and whether or not he'll survive surgery. His prospects are not good and I can't even think about what that means for him in the next few years. Needless to say, this issue has consumed my life for the past year or so as my father has been in and out of the hospital every few weeks. I'm extremely distraught and depressed over it, to the point where it has caused problems in my relationship. My "friend" knows all this, and knows that this is a very pressing issue for me right now...

And yet, she continues to send me emails and calls me in a frantic about her boyfriend's father, who has diabetes and will be placed on dialysis imminently, conveying it to me in a manner that makes it seem like this is the end of the world. She has even confessed to me that it's so important because if his father gets sick, it will interfere with their joyous plans to eventually get engaged and she doesn't want anything interrupting their wonderful time together.

I'm so ticked. I feel like she should have the sensitivity to know that crying to me about her boyfriend's father's health condition, that isn't that severe in the least bit, is really insensitive to my situation... she just sent me another 3 page email about his father and her extreme concerns over it and I'm so tempted to write her back and say, um, why am I supposed to care about this? I know it's harsh, but that's how I feel

Posted 9/22/06 12:04 PM
 
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MegZee
My bunny

Member since 5/06

8777 total posts

Name:
Meaghan

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I know how you feel.

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Posted 9/22/06 12:08 PM
 

BabyAvocado
Happy New Year

Member since 5/05

17334 total posts

Name:

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

Oblivious, self-centered people are SO annoying Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon


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Prayers for you and your dad Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 9/22/06 12:08 PM
 

LisaW
Time for me to FLY!

Member since 5/05

13199 total posts

Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I can soooooooooooooooooooo relate

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Posted 9/22/06 12:09 PM
 

dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!

Member since 10/05

11561 total posts

Name:
Dina

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I posted my answer on parenting Chat Icon

Posted 9/22/06 12:09 PM
 

MrsPorkChop
Twinning!!

Member since 5/05

9941 total posts

Name:
Missy

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

just say to her

listen, friend TBN, i know you are going through a rough time but i dont think i am the appropriate person to discuss this with. as horrible as i feel about your sutation, you need to understand that i am going through this with my own father...and its painful that you do not recognize that its a sore subjectwith me..

i love you to death, but please be a little more sensitive about these issues when bringing it up to me

or something like that

Posted 9/22/06 12:10 PM
 

missus-hbradio
Twin mommy

Member since 5/05

15857 total posts

Name:

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon You are most certainly not wrong. Sometimes people cant see how selfish they are.

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Posted 9/22/06 12:10 PM
 

Hi-Fi55
12 years...wow....

Member since 2/06

2984 total posts

Name:
Dianne

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I think you need to talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. Sometimes people don't realize how they are coming off, others are just plain insensitive.

I'm sorry about your father and hope for nothing but the best. Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 9/22/06 12:10 PM
 

dpli
Daylight savings :)

Member since 5/05

13973 total posts

Name:
D

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I lost both of my parents in a short amount of time to cancer. I can't begin to tell you about some of the insensitive crap people said to me at the time (including one run-in where I actually saw jaws drop on other bystanders.)

As sad as it is, when you go through things like this in life, you find out not only who your real friends are, but also how much sensitivity people have. It would be one thing if she were an aquaintence and didn't know your situation. She does know and is too wrapped up in herself to care. I think my solution to this is just to simply say, "I'm sorry - this must be difficult for you, but right now, it upsets me too much to talk about your boyfriends dad because it affects my ability to deal with my own situation." After that, I would just refuse to talk to her about it. There may be a point in the future where you two can talk about it, but right now you have to worry about self preservation and being there for your dad.

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Posted 9/22/06 12:11 PM
 

baghag
:P

Member since 5/05

10278 total posts

Name:

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

She might be comparing her FFIL to your Dad in an effort to comfort you. Like she now has an idea of what you are going through, kwim?

Or maybe after hearing you talk about your Dad's health, she knows how serious diabetes can get and is freaking out at the thought of having to deal with it herself.

Not that any of those reactions is appropriate- they are just ideas.

As for her FFIL's health interfering with their happily ever after- she needs to grow up. What a selfish thing to say. Besides- has it occured to her that a wedding will give him something to look forward to? Something to keep his spirits up?


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Posted 9/22/06 12:15 PM
 

Shelly
She's 7!!!

Member since 8/05

14624 total posts

Name:

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

I answered on the parenting board Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon

Posted 9/22/06 12:18 PM
 

Bxgell2
Perfection

Member since 5/05

16438 total posts

Name:
Beth

Re: x-post - Am I wrong?

Posted by baghag

She might be comparing her FFIL to your Dad in an effort to comfort you. Like she now has an idea of what you are going through, kwim?

Or maybe after hearing you talk about your Dad's health, she knows how serious diabetes can get and is freaking out at the thought of having to deal with it herself.

Not that any of those reactions is appropriate- they are just ideas.

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I've thought about this, and that's why up until now I haven't said anything. But when I really think about it, there's simply no comparison to your father dying and your possible future father in-law having some health complications, and I would expect her to understand that and also understand that everytime she mentions it to me it cuts my wound even deeper and it reminds me of everything I have to lose and everything I've been depressed about for the last year or so. I think it's time that maybe I say something, even if her intentions are good.

Message edited 9/22/2006 12:19:15 PM.

Posted 9/22/06 12:18 PM
 
 

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