X Post - How do you know?

http://www.lifamilies.com/chat/topic.aspx?ID=472557&Reload=13922

Re: X Post - How do you know?

You cross posted this to childless families, so I am assuming you want BOTH perspectives, from those who are actively trying and want a child as well as from those of us who know we don't ever want children.

I am 37 and I NEVER wanted children. There was never even a question in my mind about having them. I like children, I am good with children, I just never had any desire to have my own. I don't have some amazing career that I worry about giving up, I don't have concerns over money, I don't worry about my body (more than once I was asked if I wasn't having kids because I was worried about losing my figure), I just have no desire.

I do volunteer work, I passionately love animals, I have a great job I love, my DH and I spend a lot of time together & I am a great wife, I feel completely whole & fulfilled. I can drop everything if my friends need me to help them. I can drop everything and rescue an animal (I just had to do this). I can look at DH and say “Let’s go to Florida for the weekend”. I can sleep until noon, or stay up late or go to bed early. I can go to the gym or take a class or go for a walk. My time is my own, and I also freely make it available to my friends and family who need me, because I don’t have a child who relies on me 24/7 for everything. I love my life.

Re: X Post - How do you know?

Re: X Post - How do you know?

Re: X Post - How do you know?

Re: X Post - How do you know?

My advice... do NOT have a baby because of your age, or your fear of regretting not doing it later, or because your friends tell you how it's the best experience in the world, or because your parents would make wonderful grandparents.
You have to want it for YOU - 100%.
Because at the end of the day, your friends, your parents,. etc are not going to be the ones raising that child. And taking on the responsibility that comes with it... YOU are.

If you have all these doubts in your mind, then maybe you are not ready at this point.
And that's OK.
Maybe you will never be ready. And that's ok too.

The reason I never had children was because I had the same doubts as you...I felt like oh maybe I should because I might regret it, I'm not getting any younger, etc etc.
But I realized those were the wrong reasons to have a child.

You need to follow your heart....

Message edited 11/5/2009 12:09:45 PM.

Re: X Post - How do you know?

You know, if you aren't sure about having a child and you don't feel ready to have one, then DON'T. And if you wait a few years and cannot biologically have one, but decide you want one, you can always adopt. My mom's friend did this in her 40's with her husband.

Re: X Post - How do you know?

i absolutely agree with the other responses... kara spoke very well.
for some, there are always financial burdens... only you know how good or bad you're doing financially but from what i've found, you can make money stretch when you need to. there can always be financial reasons to put off having a child... that shouldn't be your main reason. your age shouldn't be your number one concern either... i believe what is meant to be will be.
the fact is you have to follow your gut and your heart... do you WANT children? YOU are the one that will be raising that child for the rest of your life, so be sure of your decision. finances and age shouldn't be your main reasons behind such a big decision. neither should what your parents want, or what your friends say... i'm sure your parents may love having grandchildren - i know my parents do and i'm sure would love more, as my nieces and nephew are not little kids anymore... but i can't base a life decision on what my parents would or wouln't enjoy... or on the fact that dh is an only child and his parents have never even experienced a grandchild. i can't make everyone else happy, when i'm not sure such a decision would make ME entirely happy. and i believe that you never meant to insult kara or anyone else who chooses not to have children or can't have children but... kara is right. having a child may be a wonderful experience for some... perhaps the best experience for some... but for those of us who choose a different path, for whatever reason - it doesn't make our lives any less important or fulfilled.
i have my own reasons for not having children at this point... and i am not entirely sure what my future holds for it... but i do think that when you know, you know. it's a feeling inside of you, and only you know what's right for you and your life. good luck with your decision.

Re: X Post - How do you know?

I don't know. I toy with the idea of having kids all the time, but I know

RIGHT NOW that option is not for me. I honestly think that financial situations

should be a factor. I mean not that you have to be rich to have kids but

if you can wait until you are in a better position, I would. I agree with the PP,

having a child may or may not be the best thing for you, its a personal decision.

Re: X Post - How do you know?

This is a very personal decision and one that only you and your DH can make.

But since you asked for opinions I will share mine.

I would not have a baby unless I 100% WANTED one NOW.

I would not have one bc "I might regret NOT having one".

I think this is something you need to be certain about, bc once the baby is here there is no going back.

For me personally I have always wanted to be a mother. For DH and I it is a matter of when as we are married just a year and enjoying ourselves.

I think women put a pressure on themselves that they "should" WANT to have a baby, but the reality is people should live the live they want to live, not try to live up to the expectations that others put on them.

Good luck and I hope you make a decision that brings you happiness