x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

If anyone of you would expect this from your friends, please let me know. I'm angry right now, so maybe I'm the one being unreasonable, I'm not sure...


I have a friend, we were closer years ago, and she's pregnant. she doesn't really have any family at all in NY. He SIL are throwing her a shower, but it's not what she wants. They're throwing her a very typical, casual backyard type of shower. She wants something more non-traditional. So one of my close friends is looking into throwing her a "friends" shower. It's going to be on a Friday night at a tappas bar. It will basically be $60pp, including tax and tip. Preggo friend's DH is willing to put in $600, and with 20 guests it will end up running us $30pp. OK, that's not the problem. My friend sent out an email saying it would be no more than $150 a girl. Where the he!! did she come up with that number? I don't mean to sound like brat, but why the heck should I have to put in $150 for a baby shower?! It's not a bridal shower and it's not a bachelorette party. I feel like she's an ungrateful bi@tch that she would even expect us to throw a shower like this for her when her SIL are throwing one.
Please tell me if I'm out of line, because right now I'm livid. And I can't lie... I'm sure some of it stems from the fact that this girl hasn't ever gone out of her way on my behalf. Not that I would EVER expect someone to do such a thing for me.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

150 is ridiculous! What happened to 30 per person? It sounds to me like SHE is being a brat for expecting another shower when she is already having one, and especially another one that is so .

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

That is a little extreme. It's not like you are going out for a bachelorette party where there will be booze and such.

$30 is reasonable (although if it's a baby shower I don't believe in any of the guests having to throw in $$) but $150 is out of line.

Unless it's going to the baby's college fund I don't know why she would need such an extravagant night anyway.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

I have to agree $30pp is reasonable, but $150??

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i've never heard of having to pay to attend a baby shower.. does that include the gift? or is the gift purchase additional..
that's a bit much imo..

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

Wow! I think she is being very ungrateful. How the heck did she come up with $150 pp. Did she pick out a group gift or something...sheesh.

I wouldn't pay that nor would I go. Sorry,

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

Your friend is being extremely selfish and tacky. You are not out of line at all.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

she seems to be very ungrateful with this.. i would never be upset as to where my shower would be.. backyard or not.. i would be happy to even have one at all!

to expect $150 out of guests is ridiculous..and unfair.. like you said its not a bachelorette party.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

i am confused - which friend told you $150? the preggo one of the one throwing the "tapas" shower?

either way i don't know how they got from $30 to $150, and $150 seems unreasonable to me for even a bridal shower unless you are the one throwing it!!

aside from the fact that (and this may be very selfish of me) when i am invited to a shower, i don't expect to have to pay for anything but the gift. plus this is a SECOND shower for her... she is the one who wants it, and IMO, she should be the one paying for it. maybe that's harsh but i just can't imagine one of my friends demanding ONE shower, let alone TWO.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

Your friend needs to grow up she's about to become a mother and needs to learn it's not all about her anymore.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

If your close friend is throwing the 2nd shower, why is your preggo friend sending out an email that the cost pp is $150? To me, one shower is a blessing and the preggo friend should be grateful that she is having one at all!!

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

YIKES!!! Your preggo friend is out of line asking for that ammount of $$ at all. A shower is supposed to be an event where friends and family gather to "Shower" the new mom with things she'll need for baby- not an all expenses paid night out at the bar! You are right to be mad, I'm sure others who got the e-mail are livid. Is there anyone else who knew about the DH willing to contribute the $600 bringing the cost down to $30pp? Does this 'friend' of yours think she's gonna make some quick cash ripping off her friends? Oh I would be so livid!!!

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

paying to attend a baby shower?????

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

I'd say your friend is ungrateful for the shower that was originally planned. Personally, I wouldn't go if that kind of money was 'expected' of me.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

Posted by Bluepixie

YIKES!!! Your preggo friend is out of line asking for that ammount of $$ at all. A shower is supposed to be an event where friends and family gather to "Shower" the new mom with things she'll need for baby- not an all expenses paid night out at the bar! You are right to be mad, I'm sure others who got the e-mail are livid. Is there anyone else who knew about the DH willing to contribute the $600 bringing the cost down to $30pp? Does this 'friend' of yours think she's gonna make some quick cash ripping off her friends? Oh I would be so livid!!!

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

Posted by nferrandi

Posted by Bluepixie

YIKES!!! Your preggo friend is out of line asking for that ammount of $$ at all. A shower is supposed to be an event where friends and family gather to "Shower" the new mom with things she'll need for baby- not an all expenses paid night out at the bar! You are right to be mad, I'm sure others who got the e-mail are livid. Is there anyone else who knew about the DH willing to contribute the $600 bringing the cost down to $30pp? Does this 'friend' of yours think she's gonna make some quick cash ripping off her friends? Oh I would be so livid!!!

We spoke about it this morning and she wasn't asking all of the girls to contribute, just me and one other girl- so 3 friends in total. I basically said I wasn't comfortable putting in that much money and I thought we should all split it evenly. Now the whole thing is up in the air, but honestly, I don't even feel bad. I don't feel it's my responsibility to pay for a shower of a not-close-friend.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

I completely agree with all the PP. I would be shocked and decline if I was expected to PAY to go to a SECOND baby shower!!

If you volunteered to host or help in the planning of the shower, it's one thing, but as a guest, NO WAY!

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

oh i see.. it sounds liek she wants u and the other friend to split the cost of this private party with her and her dh..

which is totally out of line.. and nope.. you shouldn't worry bout splitting it evenly, either.. like a pp said.. buy a gift off the registry and call it a day..

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

I just spoke to my friend again and suggested we do something more budget friendly. She's going to talk to preggo to see if she's on board. I suggested going out for brunch and this nice place on the water. It's only $25pp, plus tax and tip. So with the contribution from preggos DH, it would only be an addtional $50. Hopefully that's "good enough" for her.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

nicole, you are a good friend.. wanna be mine? because if my friends knew my SIL was willing to throw me a backyard shower, but that wasn't what "I wanted" they wouldn't be bending over backwards to try to find a bar, waterfront restaurant or even a private room at chuck e cheese for me..

they'd be like look Mina.. and what would come afterwards is not board friendly conversation...

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

Posted by NewlyMrs

I have to agree $30pp is reasonable, but $150??

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?

I'm a little confused. So, is the preggo friend the one who sent the email saying that it would be $150pp, and by that does she mean that not all her guests would have to contribute, but that DH would contribute $600 and the 4 other "hosts" (yourself included) would each pay $150??

In any case, whatever the case is, if your preggo friend is the one "asking" for a second shower, then she is completely out of line and tacky. She should be happy that she is getting one shower from SIL, but to dictate to her friends how her second shower should be is RIDICULOUS, regardless of whether you offered to help or not.

Re: x post from parenting- would you girls expect this?