Issues with son and his friend

My son has his first real friendship. As in, they play all day together, every day. We live in the same neighborhood and they spend a lot of time together.

Today at school his friend pushed him. It seemed like a pretty aggressive push as he fell and ripped his pants and cut up his knee. He went to the nurse to get cleaned up but never said anything to the nurse about how he fell and never addressed it with his friend.

I told my son he needs to address this with his friend. That this is not how friends treat each other. I said he should state how he felt after he was pushed. I know he could just blow it off but I don’t want his friend thinking this is acceptable behavior that he can get away with.

My son said it was not an accident as they were coming in from recess and going back to their classroom. It’s not like they were playing tag or something.

My son is in second grade if that matters.

Issues with son and his friend

It's hard but they need to work it out on their own.

I've learned from when my kids have fought with friends that boys don't discuss their feelings like that lol. My DS 2 got really mad at his bestie in 1st grade and it was bad (I can see why my son was annoyed - he had gotten yelled at by another parent as part of a group for something that he didn't do and it scared him - but it didn't justify that type of anger). My friend wanted her DS to come over so they could discuss... They ended up playing video games and it was all good after that.

Re: Issues with son and his friend

The school didn't do anything? My son sucker punched his BFF because he was making fun of him for crying and my son got an in school suspension! This was in 4th grade so not much older. It was supposed to be an out of school suspension but I fought it, given his age, the nature of what happened, and the fact that he had never, ever been in any sort of trouble before. And while I am not a proponent of suspension for this type of behavior, because I think it does ZERO to make the kid understand why pushing, hitting or any other physical act of aggression is acceptable, I am just surprised the school did nothing. In my son's case I pushed for an in school suspension with a visit to the school psychologist to talk about better ways to deal with kids bullying you and why hitting someone is never the answer.

How comfortable are you with the other mom? Perhaps you could give her a call and let her know what happened? In my son's case his friend got in trouble too because he tried to cover for my son by saying he got hit with a kickball!

Re: Issues with son and his friend

Re: Issues with son and his friend

Do you notice any aggression when they hang outside of school? IMO I would let it go unless you notice it happening a lot. If that's the case, I wouldn't hang out as much outside of school and I would continue to encourage your son to tell a teacher/adult when something happens... but keep in mind... at this age things like this happen and 2 mins later they are bFF's again.

Re: Issues with son and his friend

Re: Issues with son and his friend

Issues with son and his friend

I can tell you that my youngest can be rough with her friends when she overly excited and she has pushed them to the ground and not on purpose. If he's saying he didnt do it maliciously then maybe he just plays too rough. If they are hanging out and you see something thats a red flag then i would then discuss it with your son and see if he can tell his friend to cool it a bit.

Re: Issues with son and his friend

Did the friend ever apologize or recognize what he did was wrong?
I still think they are young enough where parents should get involved. They do know right from wrong at that age, but still needs lots of guidance. IF you said 5th grade or older then I'd say let them work it out, have him call him or something. THis is still young. You said 2nd right? and a young 2nd grader bc technically they really didn't get a normal 1st grade year.
First have your son say something about how it bothered him. He needs to know that was wrong even if it was an accident. If it was the first case then after let it go and see if it happens again. Definitly keep an eye on them more when they play together. They'll eventually get it.
My son has his best friend since K and they are in 7th grade now. Lots of drama once in a while and depends on the age. They work it out themselves now (mostly about girl drama now LOL), but they do best talking it out then letting it go and move on

Re: Issues with son and his friend

It is difficult fro boys to express their emotions and/or address past actions. I wouldn't be too concerned if it is an isolated situation since, as others have said, with boys they fight and yell at each other, and 5 minutes later they are best friends again. Maybe what you can do is talk to your DS about what to say at the moment if it happens again -hopefully not- or with any other friend, and encourage him to stand up for himself.

Issues with son and his friend

Thanks everyone. It happened as they were walking in from recess and he went to the nurse crying so I am pretty sure he didn’t get a chance to address it. I didn’t harp on it with him, but I want him to assert himself in situations like this. He actually is very good at communicating as I am really big into modeling this.

To put this In perspective, he still wanted to play with the kid after school yesterday but we already had family plans to decorate cookies as a family so I said no. Plus, they had spent all day Saturday and Sunday together so I figured a break was a good idea.

Re: Issues with son and his friend

Honestly if this was a first time thing and your son is not upset with the boy, let it go. If it happens again you can work on how your son should handle the situation with his friend.

Re: Issues with son and his friend

Boy mom here!

Boys get very physical. Even just playing. I have learned that they might be upset which in turn makes me upset and then they are over it while I'm still upset. So now I just tell them to work it out on their own. They find their way. If the other boy is continually an aggressor, your son will move on to other friends. My son is in 5th grade and I'm seeing that now.

Issues with son and his friend

Follow up

He said something to his friend because he was upset by it. His friend came over after school and they played well together other than fighting over who got to be controller one on the switch. Ugh - like who cares you’re staring at the same screen!!!!