Help! Middle school parenting question

My son got himself into a world of trouble. Long story very short, he made a vulgar comment and a parent notified me. Not only could I never imagine him saying something like that, I didn't think he would even know what it meant. Sure enough, I confronted him and he said he didn't know what it meant. I then told him what it meant and he started bawling and was appalled that he would say something like that about another person. Apparently he was dared to say the comment by another kid and, like a total idiot, my son just took the dare.

I explained that he needs to understand the weight of his words. As I was explaining all of this to him, I realized he is a super gullible kid. He's just happy go lucky and thinks everyone is good. He needs to smarten up. How do you make your kid less vulnerable and more street smart without scaring them or exposing them to real adult issues? I want to preserve some of his innocence as he's still a tween. But I also want him to be able to handle himself with kids who have a more advanced view of the world.

Help! Middle school parenting question

I am in no way implying that your son is lying, but could he have known what it meant and because he got in trouble is playing the victim? I only ask because when my daughter was younger, she had a friend who often did this. She knew flat out that what she was doing is wrong, but when in front of her parents acted like she was innocent and naive. I don't know how old your son is so iif he is younger, chances are he probably didn't know.

Do you have an older family relative (cousin, sibling) who could maybe take him under his wing and teach him a little street smarts while still protecting him? Most kids who are street smart have older siblings that make them this way.

Re: Help! Middle school parenting question

Unfortunately they need to be exposed to some adult issues so they are aware what is going on in the world. We can not shelter them to the point that they are clueless and fall for things that other do or tell them to do.

Help! Middle school parenting question

It's hard... Some people are exposed to things so early and actually know what they mean.

I would reinforce with your son if someone is daring you to do something, it's likely something that he shouldn't do... I am sure since he took the bait the first time, he will be asked again. Make sure he is also aware that if a peer offers him a large sum of money to do something to do something - not to do it as it is a joke (my son fell for that in elementary school but luckily I was there and saw something odd happening in the distance).

Just keep talking with him and keep that child who spoke to your kid on the radar... We also reinforce that if you do something stupid, we will find out...

Re: Help! Middle school parenting question

Message edited 10/24/2023 10:59:14 AM.

Re: Help! Middle school parenting question

Help! Middle school parenting question

Ugh, it's so hard!!!! Like, ali said, I would keep telling him that if someone is daring him to do something, to just ignore them. Keep telling him that, like every day LOL. I repeat the same things to my DD and I don't care if she gets annoyed. I want to really drill it into her.

Middle school is rough. I hear the way some of her friends talk and I know we all did it too, but it's like a wake up call when you hear it. And no matter how we want to keep them innocent - some kids just aren't and our kids get exposed to crap way too young.

Sorry he's going through this. He must feel like crap.

Help! Middle school parenting question

Better you expose your son to these issues than waiting for him to learn about them in school from people who don't have his best interests in mind.

Middle school is the age of the strange. Hormones start raging. Kids start experimenting.

It may be tough but you have to face these converstations head on and earlier then you may like.

Re: Help! Middle school parenting question

Posted by FirstMate

Posted by ali120206

It's hard... Some people are exposed to things so early and actually know what they mean.

I would reinforce with your son if someone is daring you to do something, it's likely something that he shouldn't do... I am sure since he took the bait the first time, he will be asked again. Make sure he is also aware that if a peer offers him a large sum of money to do something to do something - not to do it as it is a joke (my son fell for that in elementary school but luckily I was there and saw something odd happening in the distance).

Just keep talking with him and keep that child who spoke to your kid on the radar... We also reinforce that if you do something stupid, we will find out...

It's funny you said that because this is the second incident with the same kid. The first incident involved money but I could never get a straight story so I don't 100% know what happened and then this was the 2nd incident. I told him he is no longer permitted to hang out with that kid as trouble seems to follow.

I basically said what you said. If they are unwilling to do it themselves, know you are about to do something bad. Likewise, now that they are learning different languages, I told him if someone says "say ------ in Spanish (or whatever language" know you are cursing someone out. He's so naive.

I am not loving this age. They are exposed to so much when the maturity level is just not ready to handle some of these issues.

Re: Help! Middle school parenting question

Posted by ali120206

Posted by FirstMate

Posted by ali120206

It's hard... Some people are exposed to things so early and actually know what they mean.

I would reinforce with your son if someone is daring you to do something, it's likely something that he shouldn't do... I am sure since he took the bait the first time, he will be asked again. Make sure he is also aware that if a peer offers him a large sum of money to do something to do something - not to do it as it is a joke (my son fell for that in elementary school but luckily I was there and saw something odd happening in the distance).

Just keep talking with him and keep that child who spoke to your kid on the radar... We also reinforce that if you do something stupid, we will find out...

It's funny you said that because this is the second incident with the same kid. The first incident involved money but I could never get a straight story so I don't 100% know what happened and then this was the 2nd incident. I told him he is no longer permitted to hang out with that kid as trouble seems to follow.

I basically said what you said. If they are unwilling to do it themselves, know you are about to do something bad. Likewise, now that they are learning different languages, I told him if someone says "say ------ in Spanish (or whatever language" know you are cursing someone out. He's so naive.

I am not loving this age. They are exposed to so much when the maturity level is just not ready to handle some of these issues.

I don’t want to scare you but it gets worse as they get older.

Re: Help! Middle school parenting question

Help! Middle school parenting question

This is a hard lesson and one you'll be teaching for years to come. When my daughter was younger she also said a very bad word and when confronted, she did not know what it meant, she just heard others using it so she thought it was ok. I told her it wasn't and that words hurt people and if she did not know what something meant to never repeat it to anyone. We made a pact that she could ask me any word or phrase and I would tell her what it meant and if it was appropriate or not. I won't tell you how many things she asked me about that made me blush lol. For ongoing lessons, teaching self respect and not bowing to peer pressure is key. If they know something is wrong that a friend is doing, they need to be smart enough to say no and not follow even if they are made fun of. That is hard lesson but they need to learn to be true to themselves because the issues and situations only get worse when they get older.

Re: Help! Middle school parenting question

No advice. Just sending hugs because this is my kid too!