Please i need advice..

Im so sorry to hide my idenitiy

I have ALWAYS had issues with the men in my life looking at porn, dirty magazine etc... MY DH has known this. I also had a scummy BF in the past who really Fu cked me up with this stuff and I became really turned off to it and insecure as well.
Anyway DH has always told me he doesn't look at this stuff, strip clubs made him uncomfortable. etc... I truly believed him...
Well yesterday on internet explorer I was trying to type the address people.com. in the process the address bar started showing the history for anything that started with www.pe... at the top was pentehouse.com. I was like what? Then I did further research and found playboy.com, girlsgonewild, celebrity nude pics, videos the list goes on.... I was so shocked! I questioned my DH. He denied it at first... Then he finally admitted that he looks at pictures. He told me that someone told him to check out the site ( WHAT BS!!!!!!!!!!)Bc he has been looking at it ever sicne we were married and even before. (u can really find alot out in the history of your computer i learned) I was and am so hurt. He lied to me. I feel like i dont know who he is. To tell u the truth he such a prude in bed. NO toys, we don't go crazy with diff position ... not by my choice. Yet this man, who i feel like i dont know, actually likes this stuff. I lost respect for him right now. I don't want ot be touched! OH another thing im the aggressor in the relationship and he has turned me down many times? If he's really this S E X feen then why doesn't he want to be with me as much as I do? I am so upset i am leaving the house today, all day bc i cant deal with this right now and i need to clear my head. BUT I Really feel deceived. I think this is an addiction for him....

Re: Please i need advice..

question: Did you DH know about your issues with your past bf's and porn?

Re: Please i need advice..

Re: Please i need advice..

I s he just looking at pics of naked women or porn videos?

Re: Please i need advice..

Message edited 9/10/2006 9:05:14 AM.

Re: Please i need advice..

Did he give you a reason why?

Re: Please i need advice..

some men are into it- and the fact that you absolutely abhorr it is why he is hiding it from you.

to me he sounds just like a normal guy. you should see my office- all "classy" married men and they all get busted with viruses from looking at porn all day at work. i see them myself!

some men are just idiots. and i mean that endearingly- they are just stupid and immature sometimes!

i think that if hes looking at it occasionally that its not something for you to be that worried about. at the same time, if hes calling 900 numbers and spending alot of time at strip clubs behind your back, then id be worried.

im not saying that this is something i ahve done, but ive been told if you watch them with him, or be a little more open about it, he wont hide it so much. i know if i told dh id watch porn with him, hed freaking love it.

anyway, its sooo taboo to you that it probably makes him want to do it more. if you offer ot partake, maybe he wont want to do it in hiding anymore?

Re: Please i need advice..

well this is what i am thinking...I am thinking that he probably wanted to look a these things for ever. He probably didn't tell you and snuck around to look at them because he didn't want to upset you and make you feel all that hurt that you felt in the past.
I think guys do IN FACT talk about sites and what not....but that is just a superficial side note...How he found the sites really imo doesn't matter..

I find that looking at porn is some what natural. I PERSONALLY do not like it. But i do not argue with my DH about it.

But i really think your DH meant no harm and just wanted to sneak his peaks without hurting you..

NO it isn't right to lie about doing it. YES i would have been better if your DH would have sat you down and talking to you about it...

BUT what would have been your reaction? Maybe a not so good one? Maybe he was embarrassed or even ashamed ?

Talking openly about sex and desires isn't exacly the easiest thing for people to do..

I say you should just relax...and sit and just talk with your DH about it..

I really do not see it as bad as you do..

i am sure you are hurt and a LOT (obviously) old emotions were brought up. But you gotta leave what happened with your passt BFs out of your current marriage.

And imo looking at some silly sites is kinda harmless

good luck

Re: Please i need advice..

Re: Please i need advice..

I agree with the other posters. Because of you past experiences it is effecting how you feel. Maybe you need to go and talk to someone about why this makes you so upset. I would also talk to him about how it upset you because of you being the aggressor and maybe you could watch some stuff together to spice up your own sex life.

Re: Please i need advice..

Posted by Redhead

well this is what i am thinking...I am thinking that he probably wanted to look a these things for ever. He probably didn't tell you and snuck around to look at them because he didn't want to upset you and make you feel all that hurt that you felt in the past.
I think guys do IN FACT talk about sites and what not....but that is just a superficial side note...How he found the sites really imo doesn't matter..

I find that looking at porn is some what natural. I PERSONALLY do not like it. But i do not argue with my DH about it.

But i really think your DH meant no harm and just wanted to sneak his peaks without hurting you..

NO it isn't right to lie about doing it. YES i would have been better if your DH would have sat you down and talking to you about it...

BUT what would have been your reaction? Maybe a not so good one? Maybe he was embarrassed or even ashamed ?

Talking openly about sex and desires isn't exacly the easiest thing for people to do..

I say you should just relax...and sit and just talk with your DH about it..

I really do not see it as bad as you do..

i am sure you are hurt and a LOT (obviously) old emotions were brought up. But you gotta leave what happened with your passt BFs out of your current marriage.

And imo looking at some silly sites is kinda harmless

good luck

Re: Please i need advice..

Posted by rose825

Posted by Redhead

well this is what i am thinking...I am thinking that he probably wanted to look a these things for ever. He probably didn't tell you and snuck around to look at them because he didn't want to upset you and make you feel all that hurt that you felt in the past.
I think guys do IN FACT talk about sites and what not....but that is just a superficial side note...How he found the sites really imo doesn't matter..

I find that looking at porn is some what natural. I PERSONALLY do not like it. But i do not argue with my DH about it.

But i really think your DH meant no harm and just wanted to sneak his peaks without hurting you..

NO it isn't right to lie about doing it. YES i would have been better if your DH would have sat you down and talking to you about it...

BUT what would have been your reaction? Maybe a not so good one? Maybe he was embarrassed or even ashamed ?

Talking openly about sex and desires isn't exacly the easiest thing for people to do..

I say you should just relax...and sit and just talk with your DH about it..

I really do not see it as bad as you do..

i am sure you are hurt and a LOT (obviously) old emotions were brought up. But you gotta leave what happened with your passt BFs out of your current marriage.

And imo looking at some silly sites is kinda harmless

good luck

I totally agree.

Message edited 9/10/2006 9:15:33 AM.

Re: Please i need advice..

I agree with the above posters, talking about it more casually and not making your past affect your relationship is a good way to go...

He was probably lying/hiding because he knows you were somewhat traumatized by it- but at the same time didn't stop because its what he likes to do

unless it becomes a bigger problem, like forcing you to do somethign you are not comfortable with, spending a lot of $$$ , never being home or only on those sites- I dont think its that bad

When you calm down ,hopefully you guys can have a long talk about it

Re: Please i need advice..

Re: Please i need advice..

Re: Please i need advice..

Posted by Redhead

Posted by overthinking
the messed up thing i do feel like he feels bad bc he saw how upset i was. I am pregnant and he knows that this is not good for me or the baby. I think he is also embarassed to

well...it was your first instinct to be shocked and hurt...

i think that is totally understandable..
But that is why you and your DH should just sit and talk about it

and as much as you can explain that you were shocked and it brought back old memories..

you can also try to make him feel comfortable about his feelings and desires as well..

this would be a great foundation for a closer sexual relationship

Message edited 9/10/2006 9:21:42 AM.

Re: Please i need advice..

Posted by overthinking

Posted by Redhead

Posted by overthinking
the messed up thing i do feel like he feels bad bc he saw how upset i was. I am pregnant and he knows that this is not good for me or the baby. I think he is also embarassed to

well...it was your first instinct to be shocked and hurt...

i think that is totally understandable..
But that is why you and your DH should just sit and talk about it

and as much as you can explain that you were shocked and it brought back old memories..

you can also try to make him feel comfortable about his feelings and desires as well..

this would be a great foundation for a closer sexual relationship

i knw this is nasty...but in my crazy frame of mind last night i wanted to send him pics of naked men adn say "YOUR RIGHT tHIS IS FUN!! now i can fantasy about a bigger co ck and having SE x that last longer! THANks for the great idea to get big "O" off the intenet" i know its mean but that was running through my head

Re: Please i need advice..

Posted by overthinking

Posted by Redhead

Posted by overthinking
the messed up thing i do feel like he feels bad bc he saw how upset i was. I am pregnant and he knows that this is not good for me or the baby. I think he is also embarassed to

well...it was your first instinct to be shocked and hurt...

i think that is totally understandable..
But that is why you and your DH should just sit and talk about it

and as much as you can explain that you were shocked and it brought back old memories..

you can also try to make him feel comfortable about his feelings and desires as well..

this would be a great foundation for a closer sexual relationship

i knw this is nasty...but in my crazy frame of mind last night i wanted to send him pics of naked men adn say "YOUR RIGHT tHIS IS FUN!! now i can fantasy about a bigger co ck and having SE x that last longer! THANks for the great idea to get big "O" off the intenet" i know its mean but that was running through my head

Re: Please i need advice..

well when you are hurt and shocked..

anger is definitely a reaction that can follow..

you wanted to hurt him the way you felt hurt..

again..a natural reaction...


but better that you didn't do it

Re: Please i need advice..

I agree with the others that it's a natural thing and that it doesn't have to do anything with you personally.

If this helps you feel better the same EXACT thing happened to my friend. Before they got married, her husband was told to get rid of any magazine he had because she wasn't living with someone who looked at porn or other women. While she was pregnant, she found out her husband was looking at it by typing in something on baby cribs. She tore into him, he swore he would never do it again & then called me. I told her that I thought it was completely normal for men to do it. She asked me how to get the history on the computer, I said I wouldn't tell her, but that she made him promise an unkeepable promise.

The thing is with my friend, their sex life wasn't affected by his looking at porn. If anything, it enhanced it. If you think it's affecting your sex life (not just now because you're pregnant, but in the past), then you should sit down & talk to him about it. As for you having to be the agressor, well, some guys prefer that - it's their thing. I wouldn't take offense to it. He married you because he loved you - and sex was a part of that. If it has changed, then that's the issue you should be discussing.

Also, I'm not trying to discount your feelings here. Pregnancy hormones can cause the most rational woman to become overly sensitive & ramp up emotions. I wouldn't deal with the issue until you feel more calmer about everything.

Re: Please i need advice..

so now what i tell him its ok to do all this???

Re: Please i need advice..

Re: Please i need advice..

Re: Please i need advice..

Re: Please i need advice..

Just some I think everyone really gave you very good advice. I am sure your DH was just trying to protect you. It really is a normal thing for men to do