Bazooms Away in Hollywood

There's a new muffin top in Tinsletown, and isn't a breakfast pastry or the result of too tight low-rise jeans. Yes, all over the red carpet the cups runneth over.

First up is the old "Shove the girls up as close to the neck as possible so people can look at both my chest and my face simultaneously," demonstrated here by Scarlett Johansson and Victoria Beckham.

The "One false move and I'm losing this dress, which will be awkward for everyone 'cause you don't actually want to see my knockers," modeled by Patricia Arquette and Janet Jackson (especially risque coming from Miss Jackson after her 2004 Superbowl incident).

Finally there is the "Just look at them. You can't not look at them. I know you want to. You know you want to. Just do it," shown on Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth and Pamela Anderson.

Since there's no decisive winner on which bosom is most outstanding, they could always determine a champion of breast strangulation with a short foot race and see who pops out first. Our money's on Arquette.

Re: Bazooms Away in Hollywood

My eyes, my eyes!