I'm really scared- UPDATED

My mom's headstone is first going up now, five years after she died (don't ask...my dad f*cked up) and he told me the other day that it's going to be ready very very soon.

I haven't been able to go to the cemetary yet and I'm afraid to now. I still don't think I'm ready.

ETA: We got the call and it's up now. Is someone ever REALLY ready for this? My mom and I were so close...

What did you girls do to prepare yourself?

Message edited 12/22/2006 9:18:02 AM.

Re: I'm really scared

It is hard. I am ok when I get there but I lose it when I am leaving. It has been 10 months and I cry everytime I leave the cemetary.

Re: I'm really scared

I cry from the second I pull in each and every time..I think wow I'm doing good and then as soon as I get there bam I start to cry..I just have to do it. Its going on two years February and it still happens. Just know that if you can't make it there she knows you love her. Its your choice of whether or not you're going to go.

Message edited 12/20/2006 8:24:27 PM.

Re: I'm really scared

Sweetie i think that it is important to go when you are ready!! I lost my grandfather 3 yrs ago who i was EXTREMELY close to and i STILL havent gotten over his death. I helped my grandma clean out his things and took 2 huge bags of clothes and guess what? They are STILL in the trunk of my car!!!! (and this is the 2nd car ive had since he died, which means i transferred them from the old car to the new )

Anyway, i cant let go of them and i know one day when i am ready, i will.

So....the moral here is...do it only when you are ready

Re: I'm really scared

The headstone was already at the plot for my mom but when her name was engraved I had a sense of closure and pride. I was glad that she had an identity finally.

I get emotional each time I go but I always have a sense of peace leaving. Good luck to you

Re: I'm really scared- UPDATED

my Mom is buried in a family plot so the head stone was already there

what was freaky is my grandma had her name and borth date added while they added my Moms info- which makes no sense b/c they still have to take it down

I have only been there once- my Mom didn't believe in that- and we couldn't find the grave - so it broke the tension

Re: I'm really scared- UPDATED

My dad's stone actually was put up the day before the first father's day after he died. I had not been there and it was almost a year later....I just did it - I went alone (because that's what I do) and I cried. I honestly still cry when I go but..... it gets easier in a weird way. I don't know if it fets easier but it gets different. If you can't go - then don't force yoursef maybe you are not ready yet.... Don't go because you feel obligated....

All the best - you'll be ok.

Re: I'm really scared- UPDATED

I think it's going to be hard and scary no matter when you think you are ready. I know I felt like I had to brace myself many times going to the cemetary to visit my Father's grave. Even feeling like I was braced did nothing to help. But it does get easier and if you have a breakdown while you are there, I think it's normal. I found I would just start talking to my Dad letting him know everything going on in my life and hoping he was proud of me. It did help a bit to get through those really tough times