Golden Globes 2007 recap - from the Daily News

Golden Globes 2007 recap
By KRISSY MAC
Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

The Golden Globes are a great way to kick off the awards season ... a great way to kick off the year, in fact. It's usually the most fun awards show for several reasons: 1) There are both TV and movie awards; 2) There aren't any boring technical awards, and 3) Hmmm, what was that third reason? That's right ...ALCOHOL, and we all know the equation:

Alcohol + Nervous Celebs = Good TV. It's that simple.

Or is it? I don't know if Lohan's recent membership in AA has inspired others in Hollywood, but the teetotaling this year made for one Bore McSnore telecast.

Here were some of my "real time" thoughts as I watched the pre-show...

· Is it actually possible for Reese Witherspoon, J.Lo and Natalie Portman to each "... do vintage like nobody else"? How many ways are there to "do vintage" anyway?

· OH, MY... is there something living in Vanessa Williams' hair?

· Remember that year when Calista Flockhart wore that white, backless dress and everyone was freaking out about how skinny she was? Hello, Ellen Pompeo!

· Leo DiCaprio is hot. He's saying something about learning a lot about Africa, but all I can think about is how good he looks.

· Jessica Biel looks fantastic. Derek Jeter's at home in Seventh Heaven right now.

· Oh, look, Cameron Diaz's (above) lips just arrived.

· Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are here. Please, let them bump into J.Lo on live TV... please let them bump into J.Lo on live TV!

· Brad and Angelina just arrived and you can actually see everybody's pulses start to race. Incredible.

· Hahahahaha... they just totally cut off Jeremy Piven to talk to Brad. Didn't even give him a warning or anything. That was fantastic.

· Here's the highlight of Ryan Seacrest's interview with Brad and Angie:

Ryan: "Does the constant spotlight become frustrating?" [cue crickets chirping] Oh, how I wish one of them had said, "Duh."

· I wonder if Beyoncé is proactively hoping for Jennifer Hudson to lose or just not hoping she'll win. I think the former.

· Renee Zellweger looks at least 48 years old. And she's not. (Is she?)

· Hilary Swank has a hideous, giant, jeweled flower in her hair. I think maybe she Bedazzled it herself.

At this point, we switched to NBC for the actual show...

· Jennifer Hudson won and made everyone cringe when she almost fell into Clooney's arms. (And they say she's not the brightest bulb in the box?) Did you see the tears in Beyoncé's eyes? Ten bucks says they were not tears of joy.

· Do you think the "Babel" folks were more excited about their nominations or the fact that they were sitting at a table with Brad and Angelina?

· I loved when Jeremy Irons thought he would congratulate fellow nominee, Jeremy Piven, and tried to shake Kevin Connelly's hand.

· Why was the entire cast of "Heroes" on stage to present if only three of them were going to talk? If I were on that show, I would have been, like, "I'll just meet you back at the table ... you know, where the wine is."

· Note to Crest Whitestrips: send freebies to Patricia Arquette.

· What the heck is going on here? Even Charlie Sheen looks sober! Did they make this a dry event after all those crazy "Brokeback Mountain"jokes last year?

· My favorite quote of the evening, from the guy who won Best Cartoon, was "Animation is awesome, everybody!" Seriously? Is animation really awesome?

· Hilary Swank is presenting right now, but I can't focus on anything she's saying because of that ... um, thing in her hair.

· Did Tim Allen actually drool on Vanessa Williams? Do you think he could actually see her hair or was it that whole "when you're in the forest, you can't see the forest" type thing?

· I really thought we could count on Alec Baldwin to say something memorable or controversial, but he, too, let me down. I hope one of his brothers wins something next year.

· Weird, The Donald brought a wax replica of Melania to the show.

· Speaking of ugly, apparently "dresses with ugly bow belts" are the new black. Cameron, J.Lo Hewitt and Hilary Swank all sported the look. One good rule of thumb, ladies: if it can't fall down, it doesn't need a belt.

· Clint Eastwood is so old, they should give him two Lifetime Achievement Awards.

· I wonder if Jennifer Aniston watched. If I were Ryan Seacrest, that's what I would have asked Brad. Now THAT, like animation, would have been awesome.

· Don't even try to say that you didn't cry when America Ferrera won Best Actress? I don't even watch "Ugly Betty," but the girl was so cute ... and then when she thanked her mom? Please, even Will Smith was crying. Then she continued to talk and talk and I was eager for her to finish and leave the stage but, still, overall, very moving.

· I can't believe there was no closeup on Annette Bening as Tom Hanks took a count of how many people in the room had slept with Warren Beatty. C'mon, were they worried about her feelings or something?

· Nothing like George Clooney to open a show. He can open my show anytime. Now, with hindsight, I say, why would you use Clooney as an opener? You're almost guaranteed some funny drunken moments if you put him at the end. Seriously, this was a no-brainer.

· If you're nominated twice for the same award and you don't win for either ... does that make you feel like two times the loser?

· Did Sacha Baron Cohen really say "anus and testicles" on TV? He should win an award just for that.

· To close the show, Forest Whitaker accepted a Best Actor trophy and almost lost it up on that stage. And by "almost lost it," I mean "totally and completely lost it."

Overall, it was a little DULL! As a result, I've come up with a few suggestions on how to improve the watchability of the show for next year:

Move Clooney to the end and give him a straw.

Don't serve any food. Only alcohol. And make the room really hot.

Focus the audience cameras on the exes of whoever's on stage.

Don't organize the seating chart by TV show or movie, but rather by "people who have slept together."

Add captions on the TV, speculating what people might be thinking. For example, when Kyra Sedgwick won and they showed Kevin Bacon, it would say, "I remember when I was the famous one" or when they showed Ben Affleck, it would say, "Don't smile. You're a serious actor now. Look modestly handsome."

I think if the producers incorporate some of my ideas, the viewers would be guaranteed a more entertaining show. And that, like animation, would be awesome.

Re: Golden Globes 2007 recap - from the Daily News

hysterical !!

Re: Golden Globes 2007 recap - from the Daily News

"I wonder if Jennifer Aniston watched. If I were Ryan Seacrest, that's what I would have asked Brad. Now THAT, like animation, would have been awesome."