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Advice Needed
I was wondering, have any of you considered counseling and if you have did it help. My husband and I have had a great relationship, but recently it's been very hard. We were raised two seperate ways. He was raised by a very strict mother.
Well we are having a tough time seeing eye to eye on parenting. At times I see his mother in him, which really scares me! I know hard habits are tough to break. It is something he has grown up with. He sees it too, but only after our fights. I would like to seek help for parenting, not wanting our children to be raised in an atmosphere like he was raised. Has anyone here had similar problems?
If you know of any good counselors please FM me. Thanks.
Message edited 3/31/2007 11:00:15 AM.
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Posted 1/29/07 3:26 PM  |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: Advice Needed
I just want to say...i didnt write this post...BUT I so could have! I think you should seek counseling if things are getting bad. My MIL is driving me and dh CRAZY! Watch my posts...they get worse and worse each week. My advice to you is to stay calm and try to seek marriage counseling so it doesnt escalate. These dh's and their moms 
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| Posted 1/29/07 3:47 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
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Re: Advice Needed
No but now that DD is getting to the age where discipline is coming into play I'm realizing we need to sit down and get on the same page as far as how we want to raise her.
DH is very loving and kind but IMO sometimes he sounds like he's talking to the dog when he's telling her no or whatever. It bugs me so much.
I was raised with a mom who was super strict and yelled alot and who I feared in the end. I never ever want my daughter to feel that way and I've been trying to explain that to DH. Thankfully he is open to hearing my side of it.
Anyway my plan is to get him to read (or listen to on tape) some of the parenting books I plan to use. Love and Logic is one and The Discipline Book by Martha Sears is the other. I think maybe if it's coming from and outside source with concrete facts on what harms children's self esteem and what builds it up he may be more receptive.
Could you try to get your DH to read some books that promote the way you would like to parent? It worked great for me when it came to turning the car seat around. DH kept saying we should turn it around and I kept saying no. Well once I was able to send him a link with the reasons to keep her rear facing he never said another word. In fact she was fussing the other day and I said maybe we should just turn her around and he said "No way. It's safer this way, that's how she's going to stay for now." Men's minds are different, I think they need things in black and white.
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| Posted 1/29/07 3:56 PM |
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Re: Advice Needed
PrincessP...I'll have to read your posts! My dh never does anything right in her eyes and I still think he looks for her approval. It's crazy!
Monkeybride...you must be reading our mind...lol. My husband said to me this morning what was the name of that book you wanted me to buy, he wants to buy it tonight. It was the one you wrote in your post.. Parenting with Love and Logic! I heard it's a very good book to read. He loves to read...and is willing to learn thru books. I'm worried its a pattern he might not break thru books, at least he is willing to try!
Message edited 3/31/2007 11:01:12 AM.
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| Posted 1/29/07 4:13 PM |
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4monkeys
boys will be boys =)
Member since 9/05 7205 total posts
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Re: Advice Needed
I think it's a HUGE step that he's even willing to buy a book and TRY to learn different/better ways of parenting.
PArenting is hard for everyone. Babies dont come with instruction manuals, and sometimes we dont realize we're doing something "wrong" until someone else tells us.
Hopefully HE can talk to his own mom about all issues, and the two of you will be able to agree on parenting things once he starts reading.
Good luck
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| Posted 1/29/07 7:36 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Advice Needed
Posted by anna
I think it's a HUGE step that he's even willing to buy a book and TRY to learn different/better ways of parenting.
PArenting is hard for everyone. Babies dont come with instruction manuals, and sometimes we dont realize we're doing something "wrong" until someone else tells us.
Hopefully HE can talk to his own mom about all issues, and the two of you will be able to agree on parenting things once he starts reading.
Good luck
I agree! My DH wouldn't pick up a book unless it was the 9/11 commission report or had an old dead president on it. I think it's great that he's willing to try. It's a huge sign to me that he's making an effort to understand your ways of parenting.
I do still think a therapist is a great idea. Dh & I are usually on the same page in terms of parenting (with the exception of IL interference). We were raised differently as well. Although we've never been to therapy together, I think it helps tremendously to have an unbiased point of view and to help along in communication.
Parenting is hard. Parenting with another person's point of view is even harder.
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| Posted 1/29/07 8:12 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
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Re: Advice Needed
Posted by parentingadviceneeded
PrincessP...I'll have to read your posts! How do you have your mil babysit? I dread it! I don't know if it's the same with you but, my dh never does anything right in her eyes and I still think he looks for her approval. It's crazy!
Monkeybride...you must be reading our mind...lol. My husband said to me this morning what was the name of that book you wanted me to buy, he wants to buy it tonight. It was the one you wrote in your post.. Parenting with Love and Logic! I heard it's a very good book to read. He loves to read...and is willing to learn thru books. I'm worried its a pattern he might not break thru books, at least he is willing to try!
I have NEVER let my MIL watch dd and dont intend to as of now. DH totally looks for her approval but never gets it. She will never realize that I am married to him and not to her. Shes involved in places she doesnt belong. I know its frustrating. Mine made me nuts when I came home from the hospital 8 weeks ago.
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| Posted 1/29/07 10:37 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
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Nicole
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Re: Advice Needed
We haven't gotten to the point of discussing seeing a therapist, but we definitely have different ideas when it comes to parenting. My family is very warm and loving, but according to DH they coddle me/my sister/their grandchildren too much. As far as I'm concerned, I feel like his mother can be very cold and off-putting. A lot of it is just what youre used to. EVen though I don't always agree with DH, I think in a way it may be good for Luca to have different type parents. I do think that when it comes to discipline you have to be on the same page though- otherwise your kids will pit you against each other.
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| Posted 1/29/07 10:43 PM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
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Re: Advice Needed
Posted by parentingadviceneeded
PrincessP...I'll have to read your posts! How do you have your mil babysit? I dread it! I don't know if it's the same with you but, my dh never does anything right in her eyes and I still think he looks for her approval. It's crazy!
Monkeybride...you must be reading our mind...lol. My husband said to me this morning what was the name of that book you wanted me to buy, he wants to buy it tonight. It was the one you wrote in your post.. Parenting with Love and Logic! I heard it's a very good book to read. He loves to read...and is willing to learn thru books. I'm worried its a pattern he might not break thru books, at least he is willing to try!
That's great that he's willing to do that.
I can honestly say I see a HUGE HUGE difference between my friends who parent LOVE AND LOGIC style vs. those who don't and DH sees it too which is why he's willing to read the book (listen to the book on tape).
Good luck with DH. It sounds like he's willing to learn, so give him a chance. Maybe you two can read the book "together", like a chapter a week or something and then talk about it and see where you agree/disagree and compromise on things so that two can parent as a team.
It's a learning process for sure. The hardest job I've ever had to learn.
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| Posted 1/29/07 11:22 PM |
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