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MrsPornStar
Partners in crime
Member since 10/05 14656 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
This is an open letter written to the brand manager of Proctor and Gamble...
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or
Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa
dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in
tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the
curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting
right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll
be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying
jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for
most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent
urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the
reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and
there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy
Period."
Are you farking kidding me?
What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think
happiness-actual smiling, laughing happiness-is possible during a menstrual
period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well,
did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there
will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack
yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so
you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull
your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi
pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent,
like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately,
there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my
maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending
bull shi t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Message edited 2/27/2007 10:07:01 AM.
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Posted 2/27/07 10:05 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
PotofLuck06
Our Baby Boy Is Here!!!
Member since 11/06 13241 total posts
Name:
Betsy
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:09 AM |
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Gumpslilqtpie
Living the DREAM!!!
Member since 7/06 2646 total posts
Name:
Kimmer
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
That's hillarious!
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:12 AM |
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jxnoscar
Baby Delicious!
Member since 8/06 4156 total posts
Name:
Nancy
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
Fabulous!
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:12 AM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
Name:
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
This was the best part:
"an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:12 AM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent
urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:14 AM |
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honeywolf73
LIF Toddler
Member since 8/06 384 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
That's great
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:15 AM |
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Shroggie
Don't Worry...Be Happy
Member since 5/06 6261 total posts
Name:
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
omg
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:30 AM |
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MelissaG
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 426 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:32 AM |
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Myrockette
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Member since 5/05 5632 total posts
Name:
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and
there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy
Period."
Are you farking kidding me?
 really. happy period my azz!
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:34 AM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
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| Posted 2/27/07 10:52 AM |
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Kate07
Feel better my little guy!
Member since 5/05 4476 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
That is definitely a fine piece of work.
I need to frame this and hang it up!
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| Posted 2/27/07 11:01 AM |
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MrsERod
Praying for Everyone.
Member since 5/05 26170 total posts
Name:
MrsERod™®
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
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| Posted 2/27/07 11:11 AM |
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DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name:
The cure IS worse!
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
I haven't had a period since October 2005 (that is NOT a typo, yes October 2005) and I am DREADING the day it returns.
When it does, I KNOW it will not be a happy period.
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| Posted 2/27/07 11:16 AM |
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TreAnt427
-
Member since 8/06 8652 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
Love it!
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| Posted 2/27/07 11:25 AM |
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
freakin awesome
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| Posted 2/27/07 11:35 AM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
I DID notice they took that "happy period" BS out of their products. I guess someone realized that it was the stupidest slogan ever.
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| Posted 2/27/07 11:38 AM |
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Lauren
Very Happy!
Member since 10/06 3917 total posts
Name:
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
That's funny!
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| Posted 2/27/07 11:42 AM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
Posted by MsMBV
In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent
urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps
I thought this was the best part as well.
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| Posted 2/27/07 11:48 AM |
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Phyl
R.I.P. Sweet Mia ♥
Member since 5/06 28918 total posts
Name:
The Mystical Azzhorse! ™
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
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| Posted 2/27/07 11:51 AM |
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joenick
Us
Member since 6/06 9370 total posts
Name:
Valerie...aka...Do Me A Favor?
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
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| Posted 2/27/07 12:19 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
there
will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack
yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so
you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
that is the funniest thing i have read in a looooong time.
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| Posted 2/27/07 12:31 PM |
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longford73
Welcome to the world Baby Boy!
Member since 8/06 3127 total posts
Name:
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
I just sent this to all my girlfriends.
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| Posted 2/27/07 3:28 PM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
This is by far the funniest thing I have read.
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| Posted 2/27/07 3:47 PM |
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Reese1106
Family of 4! :o)
Member since 8/06 6655 total posts
Name:
Theresa
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Re: Yet another thing to make you laugh- feminine products!
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| Posted 2/27/07 3:51 PM |
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