question for ya

If you and your DH/DW were having problems and fighting would you involve your adult children
or
do you parent involve you?

dh parents are fighting alot lately and things are pretty bad. his mom keeps calling him and getting him involved.
he's pretty good at seeing both sides of the story but his mom is impossible

me personally I think it is totally wrong to put your children in the middle no matter what age

now tonight she couldnt get through to him after a fight so she called me!

on one hand Im impressed that she is actually confiding in me (being an outsider...very traditional Italian mom)
on the other I have no idea what to say to her and I really dont want to be involved. I know if I say anything its going to come back & bite me!

Re: question for ya

When my parents are fighting they involve my brother and I (and my DH and SIL). I think they feel like we'll be more honest with them and they don't like to "air the dirty laundry" outside of the familyl... it's hard to go thru though.

Re: question for ya

just got off the phone again with MIL
she's afraid her dh is going to come and breakdown the door and hurt her or her mother.
now this man has no history of violence yes he yells and MIL is a very over dramatic women (to say the least)
I swear you would think he beat her for the past 40 yrs (he has never)
what do I say to her?
she's so dramatic and doesnt see what she is doing to everyone, plus she doesnt see why her dh is so upset and mad (the man does have some good reasons)
She wanted to see if I could get intouch with my dh to let him know what is going on...thankfully his phone isnt on...he's three hours away and is working all night (what is he suppose to do from there and why would you do that to him while he is workiing...there is nothing he can do right now or at anytime)
her dh is home...I said he's probably home in bed watching tv (which he is) but she want to put pots and pans infront of the door incase he tried to come in...
now God forbid Im wrong but I just dont see where she gets this from
although I did tell her...if this is something completely out of the norm he should go see a doctor becouse there could be a medical reason if this is a complete change in personality

IDK...man since I changed my name Im really venting on here...thank you guys

Re: question for ya

I don't know what to tell you. My mom vents about my stepfather all the time. I just listen to her and don't give her any real advice. I know they are staying together so it's pointless for me to make any suggestions to her.

Good luck with your InLaws.

Re: question for ya

I don't think it's appropriate at all to involve your adult children in marital problems. If she fears some kind of abuse (whether physical, emotional, verbal, etc.) and is trying to get help from you guys, that is one thing... but to involve children of any age in marital arguments is entirely inappropriate.

I think your FH needs to talk to them to make that clear.

Re: question for ya

The only thing you can do is let them vent. Sometimes all they need is just an ear to let it all out. When they start asking "Am I right"? Thats when I start feeling unconfortable. Right now, thats all you can really do.

Re: question for ya

To be honest, I think that venting is what you do to your friends your own age. I *personally* believe that venting to your children about your marriage (no matter how old your children are) on a regular basis just isn't healthy... and I'm very close to my parents.

Re: question for ya

Message edited 4/27/2007 9:49:56 AM.