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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Ok wordsmiths
Please fix this sentence for me.
I'm updating my resume..
TIA!
Work with business units, firm management and vendors maintaining professionalism and a courteous demeanor
Message edited 5/1/2007 4:23:18 PM.
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Posted 5/1/07 4:23 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
nixy
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1575 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Ok wordsmiths
Corporate liason to business units, firm management and vendors working to maintain and foster business relationships.
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| Posted 5/1/07 4:28 PM |
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MrsMerlot
Unconditional Love
Member since 4/06 6005 total posts
Name:
Chrissy
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Re: Ok wordsmiths
Just a word of advice...when writing your job description, please remember to use past tense for positions you no longer work in, and present tense for current positions.
ie:
2001 - Present XYZ Talor Co.
Postion
- Advising
- Assisting
- etc.
2000 - 2001 XYZ Talor Co.
Position
- Advised
- Assisted
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| Posted 5/1/07 4:31 PM |
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MrsMerlot
Unconditional Love
Member since 4/06 6005 total posts
Name:
Chrissy
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Re: Ok wordsmiths
Posted by nixy
Corporate liason to business units, firm management and vendors working to maintain and foster business relationships.
Just one edit I would make:
"Corporate liason between various business unites, management, and vendors efficiently."
------
"Maintaining, fostering"...is redundant to liason.
Message edited 5/1/2007 4:34:14 PM.
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| Posted 5/1/07 4:33 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Ok wordsmiths
yes, I am making sure I use the proper tense. This is the job I'm in now.
It's not corporate liason. I'm her assistant and i want to say that I interact with everyone on her behalf and I kick azz doing it.
We work in IT.
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| Posted 5/1/07 4:36 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Ok wordsmiths
how's this?
Liaison to business units, firm management and vendors fostering productivity and professionalism.
Does it sound too fluffy?
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| Posted 5/1/07 4:48 PM |
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MrsMerlot
Unconditional Love
Member since 4/06 6005 total posts
Name:
Chrissy
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Re: Ok wordsmiths
Posted by Blu-ize
how's this?
Liaison to business units, firm management and vendors fostering productivity and professionalism.
Does it sound too fluffy?
I do think it's a little too much. It's best to keep things simple and straight-forward on your resume, and juice it up when you're interviewing in person.
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| Posted 5/1/07 5:02 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Ok wordsmiths
Forgive the hi-jack, but do you actually punctuate when the sentence is not complete? Would using bullets be better?
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| Posted 5/1/07 5:07 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Ok wordsmiths
Posted by Goldi0218
Forgive the hi-jack, but do you actually punctuate when the sentence is not complete? Would using bullets be better?
I am using bullets..for this purpose on here I didn't use them.
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| Posted 5/1/07 5:14 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Ok wordsmiths
Posted by ChrissynRicky
Posted by Blu-ize
how's this?
Liaison to business units, firm management and vendors fostering productivity and professionalism.
Does it sound too fluffy?
I do think it's a little too much. It's best to keep things simple and straight-forward on your resume, and juice it up when you're interviewing in person.
I'm not getting an actual interview. My boss is taking me with her to her new firm. This is merely a technicality. i just want HR to have something that reads right. I'm sure the powers that be will take a quick look at it.
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| Posted 5/1/07 5:15 PM |
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