Do you not like help?

I don't know what it is, but before DDs were born when everyone was offering their help I was at the thought of having so many people to call on.

A few weeks after they were born I got this "I can do it myself" attitude. As in if someone tries to help me I feel as though I don't need their help and I'm fine without it. I have no problem calling on DH for help, but anyone else it's almost like I'm annoyed. I don't mean to be this way and I know everyone is trying to be so helpful, but I'd rather get it done my way, quickly (and efficiently) than have a few hands helping here and there and messing up my schedule and my routine. I feel horrible pushing everyone away, when I know they're trying to help.

Does anyone else feel this way or is this weird that I don't want anyone's help?

Re: Do you not like help?

Yes it's weird! HA (j/k). No - I don't think it's weird at all....I think that no matter it is, there are certain types of people who would just rather do it themselves. I'm that way also.

I also think that now you are a pro with your girls and you know them better than anyone else so it's just easier to do what they need instead of explaining to someone else.

Re: Do you not like help?

I can totally relate. Early on, i had an easier time leaving the boys behind b/c everyone "knew" them and about them almost as well as I did. At this point, no on knows them or their routine as well as I do and it's easier for me to get things done simply by takng them along. I only called upon people 2x to help at night in the very beginning b/c I needed to know how to do it myself. As wonderful as the help was, I was fully aware that it wouldn't always be there and DH and I had to become independent. We have no regrets b/c we're like a well-oiled machine!

I always take people's offers to open doors...now that's the best help around!

Re: Do you not like help?

Posted by FireIslandLove

I don't know what it is, but before DDs were born when everyone was offering their help I was at the thought of having so many people to call on.

A few weeks after they were born I got this "I can do it myself" attitude. As in if someone tries to help me I feel as though I don't need their help and I'm fine without it. I have no problem calling on DH for help, but anyone else it's almost like I'm annoyed. I don't mean to be this way and I know everyone is trying to be so helpful, but I'd rather get it done my way, quickly (and efficiently) than have a few hands helping here and there and messing up my schedule and my routine. I feel horrible pushing everyone away, when I know they're trying to help.

Does anyone else feel this way or is this weird that I don't want anyone's help?

Message edited 5/28/2007 9:42:41 PM.

Re: Do you not like help?

yes....in the beginning I took the help, but now I feel the same way...I want to do it MY way because it will get done quicker.

Re: Do you not like help?

OH yes! I've needed help for the past month and I'm so happy to be back on my own again. Things get done so much quicker when I'm on my own.

Re: Do you not like help?

Posted by majen

I can totally relate. Early on, i had an easier time leaving the boys behind b/c everyone "knew" them and about them almost as well as I did. At this point, no on knows them or their routine as well as I do and it's easier for me to get things done simply by takng them along. I only called upon people 2x to help at night in the very beginning b/c I needed to know how to do it myself. As wonderful as the help was, I was fully aware that it wouldn't always be there and DH and I had to become independent. We have no regrets b/c we're like a well-oiled machine!

I always take people's offers to open doors...now that's the best help around!

Re: Do you not like help?

Laura, I can't agree with you more. Like for example feeding them. If we have a visitor they would like to help, but sometimes depending on the person, it becomes more of a nusiance. I have a routine, and the girls have adapted beautifully to the routine. Some people get annoyed but I don't care. For example, my MIL has over today and she was angry because I feed the girls myself, but that is the way they are used too, so SORRY. And I had to quickly get them feed and leave to go to a bbq, so I don't have time for silly faces and playing around. It is not play time it is feeding time (some don't understand that, because it doesn't just set one off or it sets two off.)

I guess I feel confident to do it on my own and of course with DH. I feel it is easier, everyone always asks do you have help at home, I replied No. They are always so shocked. I feel I was given what I can handle.

Message edited 5/28/2007 9:30:10 PM.

Re: Do you not like help?

It si such a relief to read what you all have wrote about getting help. Everyone seems to think I am going ot need help when I come home with the babies.. I feel that i do not need anurse. I already have one child and know the basics of taking care of a newborn. Dh will be off for 2 weeks to help me and he is a very good hands on dad.
I know My Il's and parents will be up but I feel that after the 2 weeks are up I am out a tom of $$$$$ and I am still on my own. I rather have a routine and learn from my own mistakes..
I did get a cleaning person who will xome 2x a week wehn the babies are born to help me with Laundry and stuff like that.

People are now starting to accept me reasoning. I do have a sitter lined up to help me when I need it . she can come over and watch the babies if I need a break or help with DD

Re: Do you not like help?

I must admit i am a little shocked about the answers here just because I LOVE HELP! Before the boys were born...def never thought i needed it...DH and I could handle it. But once they were born and the sleepless nights I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED family and friends who reached out to me to help me. To let me sleep...let me have a few hours to myself, etc. Now that the boys are sleeping through the night and are a lot easier to handle...I still so rely on friends and family.....and at times I must admit it's still has me wondering if I asking too much of people. DH and I have gone out when people offer to watch the babes at night, I have friends who have come over to help me in the daily tasks in the beginning that I am forever grateful, and I am constantly grateful for nights i go out with the boys (or days) that friends offer to take care of one. At times I feel bad, but then I realize I have two and I need the help. It makes me so appreciative of friends and family I can't even begin to tell you.

I think I kind of understand what you are saying, but I know my twins and what they need, but I still need the help. So, I must admit , even if it's being in the minority here and say I LOVE THE HELP!

Message edited 5/28/2007 10:16:00 PM.

Re: Do you not like help?

Re: Do you not like help?

It really depends on who is helping and what type of help they are offering. Some help I find to be more burdansome then just doing it myself.

I would more prefer someone to come and clean my house then take the kids for a few hours so I can clean it, LOL.

Also to run out to the stores with them, my parents are like leave them here and I have to fight with them to tke the kids somewhere with me. Sometimes going to the store is the only time I get to see them before a nap so I like doing that.

We have learned to rely on that help even though I know that I don't need it, LOL. I made sure that we can do everything ourselves so that people know we can handle it, but the help is sometimes nice.