Monster In Laws and Holidays-Update

Well without going into all the gorey details I do not associate with DH's mother or father. DH supports me since my reasons for cutting ties completely is valid, however here's the Voicemail...."Listen I know there's an issue with your wife, but your father and I want to invite you for thanksgiving and since you wont come without her she's invited too." So DH heard the message and started crying and I started weeping. DH knows I wont go and yet he's so sad. I told him to go without me. He said he wont. I told him to then go at least for dessert. He said he wont. Is anyone in a similar situation where you dont associate with the ILs but your DH still does? What do you do with the holidays?

UPDATE:
Well the first hurdle is over in that we are spending Thanksgiving with my family. And DH will not be going there at all. The big issue is going to be Christmas as DH is godfather to his neice and nephew. I know many of you have suggested that I should "suck it up." Believe me when I say that if you knew why I have cut all ties with DHs family you wouldnt even suggest it. It took me a long time to accept that DH would even still associate with them but it's his parents and I have to accept his feelings. But I dont have to subject myself to them and he doesnt expect me to subject myself to them. It just makes him sad that they cant be "normal" and that we cant all just get along. Makes me sad too

Message edited 11/20/2007 9:08:13 PM.

Re: Monster In Laws and Holidays

Wow...thats a rough situation.
I wouldnt want to go yet I wouldnt want DH to be in the middle like that.

I feel bad for your DH- if it were the other way around and it was your family, what would you do?

Since I dont know details- if it were me and DH was very upset by it- I would go just for the dessert hour or so just for him.

Best of luck

Re: Monster In Laws and Holidays

I don't know the details but honestly I would just go for DH, what's a few hours to make DH happy.

JMO: I would post on NFR to get more opinions.

Message edited 11/6/2007 8:56:42 PM.

Re: Monster In Laws and Holidays

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!i completely feel your pain.My hubby is from a very sick family (depression drugs alcoholism and violent behavior)They really tortured him as a kid and it only got worse when we married and they began to loose their hold on him.Thankfully they moved so we can no longer just stop by (what a releif).It is so stressful though i have cried many times over it myself.So i wish you both luck and peace.

Re: Monster In Laws and Holidays

I am the DH (dont even know what that means) and I am in the exact situation. I am stuck in the middle of My Family and My Wife. I have the biggest hurt inside my chest and all I want is peace. . I wish she would just put her pride aside and come with me for a little while. If anyone made her feel uncomfortable we would leave at that moment. Just the fact that she tried would be good enough for me. Unfortunately everytime we take a few steps forward we get knocked back 10 by some stupid comment from my family. My suggestion is that if you have the strength, do it for him and who knows.. maybe things will be wonderful and you can begin on a path of healing. Good Luck! and please wish the same for me.

Re: Monster In Laws and Holidays

I just sent you FM

Re: Monster In Laws and Holidays

Posted by TJ85

I am the DH (dont even know what that means) and I am in the exact situation. I am stuck in the middle of My Family and My Wife. I have the biggest hurt inside my chest and all I want is peace. . I wish she would just put her pride aside and come with me for a little while. If anyone made her feel uncomfortable we would leave at that moment. Just the fact that she tried would be good enough for me. Unfortunately everytime we take a few steps forward we get knocked back 10 by some stupid comment from my family. My suggestion is that if you have the strength, do it for him and who knows.. maybe things will be wonderful and you can begin on a path of healing. Good Luck! and please wish the same for me.

Re: Monster In Laws and Holidays

Same situtation here. I haven't spoken to my ILs since our wedding. They completely bashed me, my family, and our wedding the day after. I refuse to talk to them. DH still talks to them and I would never even think about getting between that. That's why I keep very strict boundaries. DH is the type who will stop talking to his parents if they make me angry, so I am trying to avoid everything all together. MIL still to this day makes comments to him to try to drive a wedge between us. I've been struggling with whether or not to show up there for the holidays as well. I really don't think it makes a difference to DH but we need to talk about it. Last year we didn't see his family for the holidays so I don't think it will matter this year. We're very close to my family.

Re: Monster In Laws and Holidays

Posted by Stefanie

Posted by TJ85

I am the DH (dont even know what that means) and I am in the exact situation. I am stuck in the middle of My Family and My Wife. I have the biggest hurt inside my chest and all I want is peace. . I wish she would just put her pride aside and come with me for a little while. If anyone made her feel uncomfortable we would leave at that moment. Just the fact that she tried would be good enough for me. Unfortunately everytime we take a few steps forward we get knocked back 10 by some stupid comment from my family. My suggestion is that if you have the strength, do it for him and who knows.. maybe things will be wonderful and you can begin on a path of healing. Good Luck! and please wish the same for me.

I agree that she should do it for her husband, but the husband is supposted to stick up for his wife, if his parents are badmouthing her. Husband and wife are a team.

Re: Monster In Laws and Holidays-Update

if your husband is distancing himself from his own family becuase of how they treated you, I can't even imagine how horrible they have been to you

They've created this situation, and now they must suffer the consequences.... alienation and a fragmented family.

Initially, the in-laws were rather obnoxious to me. while it has since then become much more congenial, I do know a little of what you're experiencing. When things were bad (while we were dating), it didn't bother me that he went to his parents, just becuase.... well, it's his only family.... warts and all. I did draw a line whenever I was getting roped into cr@p, though.

good luck with this situation...