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Message edited 11/16/2007 12:38:58 PM.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Im confused as to why your best friend would be calling your FH. That would p1ss me off more

I would say a big fat NO to cosigning.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

no that is very wrong of her to ask him for that .

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Posted by june262004

Im confused as to why your best friend would be calling your FH. That would p1ss me off more

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Watch Judge Judy for a week and you wont need to ask us ladies for advice. "DON'T LEND MONEY TO FRIENDS"

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Message edited 11/16/2007 12:38:39 PM.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Posted by stinkysmom80

Posted by Kara

Posted by june262004

Im confused as to why your best friend would be calling your FH. That would p1ss me off more

Yup.

Um, you need to tell your FH to say no. I'd be LIVID if my DH cosigned for a friend of lent a friend that much money. We do NOT lend money to friends. It causes way too many problems. We'd also NEVER spend that amount of money or cosign anything without talking to the other about it.

Is your friend doing this behind your back? This is truly unacceptable. I'd first speak to your FH. THen, you and your FH need to sit down with her TOGETHER and explain (1) you guys make financial decisions TOGETHER and (2) you are not in the business of lending money or cosigning anything for friends. It causes too much friction, so you have to say no.

I should be livid, she is a good friend, and yea she is kinda doing this behind my back. I spoke to my FH about it and he is not lending or cosigning anything for her.
We dont trust that she is going to pay it back and she doesnt work, and is only a student and wants this apartment when she can live with her parents for free

I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt by assuming she doesnt realize what she is doing is incredibly rude.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

no no no!!

BAD idea!! and I would be more mad at her for putting you in this position.

I had a friend who once borrowed $300 for me. her excuse was that she needed it to pay for her daughter's b-day party and didn't want her DH to know how much it was. she called me up crying. so I lent her the money and she would pay me back $50 here, $100 there. I was ok with that until she still owed me $50 and I had to ask her for it a few months later. I felt like crap for having to remind her. I will never do that again! it's not like she needed the $ to feed her family. I had to lend her $ for a clown at her DD's b-day

Message edited 11/16/2007 9:31:16 AM.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

I think you and your FH TOGETHER need to sit down with her and tell her that you aren't in the business of lending money to friends or cosigning things for friends b/c it can only cause problems. You also need to make it clear that you guys are a TEAM and that you consult each other about all major financial issues.

She needs to see you guys telling her no together - so she gets that she can't just go behind your back to your FH without you knowing about it.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Posted by june262004

Im confused as to why your best friend would be calling your FH. That would p1ss me off more

I would say a big fat NO to cosigning.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

WOW I can't believe she would ask you. I would NOT do it. God forbid she does not pay that loan you and your credit are screwed for a long time!

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

I'm sorry you are going through this.. I was in a similar predicament (only it was my DH's friend).

I would be very upset with my friend for doing this. shame on her. I would also call her out on it and tell her how I feel.


Good luck!

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Nope, unless you plan on kissing away $25k, I wouldn't do it. Too risky - YOU will be responsible for that payment if she defaults for any reason.

Second, I'd have FH tell her that he cannot make those kind of financial decisions without discussing it with you first, and that if she's serious, she needs to talk to you as well. At that time you can let her know why you can't co-sign.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

I would say no. I don't lend money to anyone.

ETA: I've given friends money but I never expected it back, that's how you ruin friendships.

Message edited 11/16/2007 10:08:01 AM.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Ummm - NO! I would be so ****** if my BF went behind my back straight to MY DH to ask for money.

And my personal opinion...a cosignor is a sucker with a pen. Be careful.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

I have lent money to friends and would consider it again, if I could afford not to get it back and I was in a position to do so.

As for co-signing, NO WAY!!! Don't even think about this. If she can't get the loan on her own, she may not be able to pay it back either.

My biggest problem with this whole scenario is that she is talking to your FH and leaving you out of it completely.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

I wouldn't do it. Friends and money are not a good thing. It's one thing if he offered to help. But to put him on the spot like that??? That's wrong of her.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

sounds to me like the is a bit immature and not understanding boundaries---you don't just go behind your BF's back and ask her man for money and to be a co-signor!!!

i agree with what a PP said--you, your guy, and your friend need to sit down and express that you are not going to help her with this--and that by going to him first she violated a certain trust. i'm sure she'll whine and say how much she is hurt cause she thought you were "BFF" and she'll probably throw out the "i'd do it for you!!" but immature ppl like that don't understand the magnitude of credit and co-signing and how its basically saying that if she gets flighty and decides she doesn't want the apt or can't afford it (which i'm 99.99999% sure she will do), then YOU and FH are responsible to pay.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Posted by Kara

Posted by june262004

Im confused as to why your best friend would be calling your FH. That would p1ss me off more

Yup.

Um, you need to tell your FH to say no. I'd be LIVID if my DH cosigned for a friend of lent a friend that much money. We do NOT lend money to friends. It causes way too many problems. We'd also NEVER spend that amount of money or cosign anything without talking to the other about it.

Is your friend doing this behind your back? This is truly unacceptable. I'd first speak to your FH. THen, you and your FH need to sit down with her TOGETHER and explain (1) you guys make financial decisions TOGETHER and (2) you are not in the business of lending money or cosigning anything for friends. It causes too much friction, so you have to say no.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Regarding loaning $4000, if you really want to and you can afford to give it away without ever expecting to get it back, then do it. Personally, I wouldn't loan that kind of money to a friend. I would never ask for it back, but if it didn't get paid back, I would be a little resentful and she may feel uncomfortable if she can't pay it back.

As for the cosigning, under no circumstances, for the most responsible person I know, would I ever cosign a loan for someone who is not in my or DH's immediate family. As someone who has represented cosigners in litigation if that person defaults, YOUR DH is entirely responsible to repay the full amount. And don't be mistaken, these loans are very frequently defaulted on and usually its the co-signer who ends up paying.

Now, your situation is so much worse because:
(1) It sounds like she is making a very foolish financial choice and

(2) she is going behind your back to do it. She should have spoken to you FIRST or you and DH together. Since she didn't do that, there is NO WAY I would trust her enough to cosign a loan.

JMO.

Message edited 11/16/2007 10:37:02 AM.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Just based on the fact that she's going behind your back to ask for money is enough to say no.

Also there is a reason why someone needs a co-signer - it's because the lender/bank doesn't think that they earn enough or can pay back the money. Your criteria shouldn't be any less than theirs.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Posted by june262004

Im confused as to why your best friend would be calling your FH. That would p1ss me off more

I would say a big fat NO to cosigning.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Posted by stinkysmom80

Posted by Kara

Posted by june262004

Im confused as to why your best friend would be calling your FH. That would p1ss me off more

Yup.

Um, you need to tell your FH to say no. I'd be LIVID if my DH cosigned for a friend of lent a friend that much money. We do NOT lend money to friends. It causes way too many problems. We'd also NEVER spend that amount of money or cosign anything without talking to the other about it.

Is your friend doing this behind your back? This is truly unacceptable. I'd first speak to your FH. THen, you and your FH need to sit down with her TOGETHER and explain (1) you guys make financial decisions TOGETHER and (2) you are not in the business of lending money or cosigning anything for friends. It causes too much friction, so you have to say no.

I should be livid, she is a good friend, and yea she is kinda doing this behind my back. I spoke to my FH about it and he is not lending or cosigning anything for her.
We dont trust that she is going to pay it back and she doesnt work, and is only a student and wants this apartment when she can live with her parents for free

I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt by assuming she doesnt realize what she is doing is incredibly rude.

Re: Ladies I need Advice...what would you do if?

Girl please i lent my friend 1000 dollars for a lawyer and made her get a paper notified telling the specific date when she would return my money. But even that dosen't work sometimes. Just be careful and dont sign anything that has nothing to do with you own life.
FOR HER TRYING TO ASK YOUR FH THAT'S A NO NO. next thing you know she wants to just talk to him. She probably notices how nice he is to you and thinks he would do the same for her remember don't tell your friends everything about you and your FH. She just might want to see for herself.