Mommies of Angels

I've been on bed rest pretty much my whole pregancy so the only time I left my house was to go to the doctor. A few weeks ago, he gave me permission to start going out a little each day. I thought it was a good thing until...

everywhere I go someone starts to talk to me and I get the same question every time..."is this your first baby?"

Most of the time, I say yes just because I know if I say no the next question will be "how old is your other child/children"...and that is just something that I can't handle right now.

If you had another baby after your loss, how did you handle this? I always feel so gulity when I say no, but then again do I stand there with a stranger that I will never see again and tell them everything?

Re: Mommies of Angels

i've never been in what i'm sure must be a very difficult situation, but i think you need to determine what to do on a case-by-case basis. I think you need to do in this case what makes you feel the most comfortable...just because you don't say 'no, this isn't my first' doesn't mean you've forgotten anything.

In my experience, doing things this way has worked best for me and that's what's most important. My mom died 6 years ago and people that know me know my situation, but if I'm talking to say - a friend of a friend who i will likely never see again - i'll say 'my parents,' b/c i don't feel the need to share a very delicate thing in my life with someone i don't know.

Re: Mommies of Angels

Tara,

Most times I answer (while feeling so guilty) that Victoria is our first child. I don't need to get into everything with strangers.

If it is someone at a doctors office where we will be regular patients, I might let them know. Or sometimes I am just missing my son so much that I say "We lost our first child a boy when he was a month old and are now blessed to have his sister here".

I still cannot believe how utterly hard it is for me to be around baby boys. My heart is filled with love by my daughter but the pain is all to real whenever I see a baby boy.

Re: Mommies of Angels

Re: Mommies of Angels

These types of questions dont ever get any easier. I always feel so darn guilty if I dont mention my eldest sons. I just keep telling myself that they know how much I love them and that I dont ever forget about them. Sometimes its just easier to not get into it....They would be turing 15 this coming March and its still so hard.

Re: Mommies of Angels

I lost my first child- a son last year and since then i have had another son. It was beyond hard to answer questions. When someone asked me if this was my first i would just say NO. Unless i was asked how old or what i have at home i didn't tell strangers.

I hate that look people give you...... the pity look. Life ***** and i wish it got easier, but it doesn't.

Do all of you feel like people now forget? It amazes me no one goes to Cemetry, asks how we are, speaks his name. They act like he never existed.