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pokerproblem
LIF Zygote
Member since 1/08 4 total posts
Name:
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I think my brother is ruining his life...
I am a frequent poster but I am posting anonymously b/c I am not sure how many family members come on here, if any..but just to be safe..
My very intelligent but unmotivated brother is spending all his time playing online poker.
He claims it is not an addiction but i've done some research and everything points to it being a problem.
He is 28 years old...no current job (let go from his last one), his unemployment checks just stopped a month ago...I know for a fact he may lose his apartment. He has no savings, i'm sure some debt etc...
He went back to school this year to get his masters in writing. However...it was only 2 classes, and i don't think he is returning next semester..no more money to do so.
I LOVE my brother..he is an overall good guy, great sense of humor but his life seems in a downward spiral. At christmas no one could find him..he was locked in my moms computer room playing online poker. He played through till 4am, every time i would wake up with my baby there he was on the computer.
What more can I do?? It's not MY life, but i do know i care about him...and from what i've read this can destroy lives.
Anyone ever go through this or something similar with family???
TIA!
**Just wanted to add..he says he does not in any way have an addictive personality...that may be true for things like drugs, alcohol etc...I've never noticed problems with those things...but this seems to definitely be an addiction...
Message edited 1/7/2008 7:35:20 AM.
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Posted 1/7/08 7:33 AM  |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
sorry, I know someone who has a gambling addiction and I can tell you this, it CAN ruin lives....They have a GA (gamblers anonymous) program that he may want to look into, good luck
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| Posted 1/7/08 7:35 AM |
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Ginger123
Sooo happy
Member since 8/07 1235 total posts
Name:
dana
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
I would write down all your feelings and leave it somewhere he coudl read it on his own time.. Make sure you let him know that you are not attacking you are just concernced and that you are there to help ..really thats all you can do..
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| Posted 1/7/08 8:49 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
EXACT same problem with my BIL. Long story short, he's gambled away all his money, lost every job due to online gambling, became homeless, got kicked out of homeless shelter because he failed to show up for counseling because he was gambling, and is now living on the streets and online gambling every day at library computers. He's also stolen from every family member to fuel his habit.
I think people need to reach rock bottom to realize they have a serious problem. Believe me, we tried every intervention and helped in every way, and any help only seemed to enable the problem further.
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| Posted 1/7/08 8:53 AM |
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pokerproblem
LIF Zygote
Member since 1/08 4 total posts
Name:
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
Posted by nov04libride
EXACT same problem with my BIL. Long story short, he's gambled away all his money, lost every job due to online gambling, became homeless, got kicked out of homeless shelter because he failed to show up for counseling because he was gambling, and is now living on the streets and online gambling every day at library computers. He's also stolen from every family member to fuel his habit.
I think people need to reach rock bottom to realize they have a serious problem. Believe me, we tried every intervention and helped in every way, and any help only seemed to enable the problem further.
So, so sad...
I really hope my brother doesn't have to reach rock bottom.
Never in a million years did we think this would happen to him...he discovered poker one day and loved it and realized he was pretty good at it...but its funny, he talks about the money he wins at atlantic city....yet he is about to be evicted from his apartment. Doesn't make much sense to me...
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| Posted 1/7/08 9:43 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
Posted by pokerproblem
Posted by nov04libride
EXACT same problem with my BIL. Long story short, he's gambled away all his money, lost every job due to online gambling, became homeless, got kicked out of homeless shelter because he failed to show up for counseling because he was gambling, and is now living on the streets and online gambling every day at library computers. He's also stolen from every family member to fuel his habit.
I think people need to reach rock bottom to realize they have a serious problem. Believe me, we tried every intervention and helped in every way, and any help only seemed to enable the problem further.
So, so sad...
I really hope my brother doesn't have to reach rock bottom.
Never in a million years did we think this would happen to him...he discovered poker one day and loved it and realized he was pretty good at it...but its funny, he talks about the money he wins at atlantic city....yet he is about to be evicted from his apartment. Doesn't make much sense to me...
It's a horrible thing to watch...And he may come up with lies (or the truth--asking for money for rent when it will go to poker) to get more money...And believe me, I can relate and understand how painful it is to watch someone ruin his life by gambling. BIL is no longer allowed in our home because he started stealing CC numbers from us to fuel the habit.
We thought he reached rock bottom when he called DH and said he was sleeping in a tube in a playground...But it turns out we were wrong; nothing seems to change his ways.
Message edited 1/7/2008 9:52:08 AM.
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| Posted 1/7/08 9:46 AM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
It certainly sounds like he has a serious problem. Is anyone else in your family acknowleging this problem? If so, maybe you could have an intervention for him?
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| Posted 1/7/08 9:54 AM |
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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
personally, i think his problems run deeper than being a "poker problem" ....
he's showing signs of immaturity, and he needs a good kick in the assss .... an intervention might help, but trust me if you blame it all on the poker playing, it will not go as well as you'd like.
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| Posted 1/8/08 2:26 AM |
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PreshusSmurf
So in love with my little guys
Member since 1/07 2963 total posts
Name:
Jess
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
and i wanted to add this, from my husband, who plays a lot of online poker:
There's no difference really between sitting in front of a computer playing online poker or sitting up til 4am playing Nintendo or something.
Now if he's hemorrhaging money playing online poker, then that would be a problem. But without his results being known who the heck knows.
Unless of course his online poker is costing him thousands of dollars, that's not a poker problem, that's a people problem.
and this, from one of his friends:
The guy is depressed and is using online poker as escapism/replacement therapy (did he recently break-up w/ gf?). He definitely should get some help since it's caused such drastic changes to his life and affecting his loved ones.
Online poker ain't the culprit, just the tool he's using to cope. It could have been porn, 80's John Hughes flicks, John Grisham novels or any type of mental stimulation that helps him forget his lonliness or whatever else he feels he's missing.
Message edited 1/8/2008 2:04:48 PM.
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| Posted 1/8/08 12:11 PM |
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pokerproblem
LIF Zygote
Member since 1/08 4 total posts
Name:
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
Whats funny is that he really did just break up with his girlfriend of 2 years...then all of a sudden the slight poker hobby turned to an obsession.
I did speak with him for a solid 2 hours the other day after posting this. He laughed, assured me he isn't even playing anymore (We'll see) and that he has interviews lined up. I really hope he stops this gambling, I told him it was such a waste of life.
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| Posted 1/10/08 11:58 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I think my brother is ruining his life...
Posted by PreshusSmurf
and i wanted to add this, from my husband, who plays a lot of online poker:
There's no difference really between sitting in front of a computer playing online poker or sitting up til 4am playing Nintendo or something.
That's how my DH rationalized it to me when he was spending hours on poker sites, but I see it differently. I don't care if he is playing for free; it's an addiction. Would I feel differently if it was Nintendo or an online game? I think so, and I think I feel that way because it is easy to transition from the free poker to the $$ poker, esp. once you gain confidence and feel you are that good.
DH plays online checkers now, and I MUCH happier with this. It's no more long games where we have to wait for hours til it finishes too.
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| Posted 1/10/08 1:39 PM |
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