How long...

before the really raw pain ends. I don't know how long I should expect these horrible crying jags and really raw pain episodes to go on.
I feel like I should be getting better but some days I feel like everything just happened yesterday.

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Gerty What you've experienced is so traumatic, I can't begin to imagine. I've lost loved ones close to me, but this is so different... and completely unfair I wish I could put a time frame on it for you, or find some magic and make it hurt less. Unfortunately, only time will heal all wounds,... and how much time I have no idea. Please know that I'm here for you. I can't begin to understand, but know that I'm here as your friend, whenever you need to talk. You are an amazingly strong woman, and I know you'll get thru this. This too shall pass...

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you have went through something so traumatic. I think it will take some time for the healing process to begin, what you are feeling is totally normal. Have you thought about some grief counseling or group counseling?

I wish you nothing but the best, vent here all you want

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Gerty I wish has I had one sentence or even one word that would make you feel better. My heart breaks for you. I'm sure you hear this all the time and I'm sure you're probably getting sick of hearing it....but you are TRULY an incredibly strong woman. Thats the honest truth. I really truly from the bottom of my heart hope that you feel better soon. I wish I had something better to say....maybe something with more meaning but maybe I'm just not very good with words. Please know that you are in our prayers everyday.

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All I can offer are and that you will be feeling better soon.

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its different for every person. I noticed the pain eased about 1 year later. Then I had my next aby and it started again. But now 3 years later I can honestly say its way better! I can now sile when I think of my son and I can even talk about his death without losing it. But I still to this day cry a few times each month for him. I still lose it when I see kids his age (the age he should be) and when I see all the new things he would be doing. It does get better, I promise!

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i wish i could take it away from you sweetie for everyone it is very differant. there are days where i think i will be just fine but then all of a sudden i lose it though it has been a little longer inbetween it still happens. as for it every really going away , i am not sure. but i turns into a memory and a warm feeling so i have been told. i do see that from time to time. i wsh i really knew how to explain it better. just know for those hard days you have a family here that will be right by your side

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I wish I had an answer for you.....

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Gerty, you have to have time to heal. I would not try to set a *time* when you think you should feel differently. This is going to take a while, and I think that if you feel like you are not grieving well, or if you need help to seek it. I cannot imagine going through such a loss alone.

You don't always have to be strong, even though you already have shown an incredible amount of strength.

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I just wanted to give some I'm so sorry.

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Gerty...it's not going to go away for a long time...I'm still not 100% healed and Patrick has been gone for over 2 years...please do yourself a favor and don't give yourself a time limit...heal in your own time and in your own way...

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Gerty How are you, not a day goes by that i dont think of you and your family. april 2nd was 8 months for me that i lost my little girl the same way you lost rogan and there are days that it hurts so so bad. not a day goes by that i dont relive one of the days from when my water broke through the 3 weeks later till i delivered sydnie. honestly i dont think it will ever go away, those memories are a huge part of who we are now and thats ok. everyone does heal very differently, so dont give urself any rules on what is right or wrong. gerty i know exactly the pain that you are feeling, we both lost our sweet babies at about the same time from the same prob. feel free to fm me if i could be here to help u in anyway i would be happy too. baby rogan is w/ god now so i dont worry about him, he is doing great and having fun with all the other baby angels its you and your husband that are left here living feeling the pain everyday, i still pray for you both to have the strength to get throuh each day

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I wish I had the answers for yiu

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Some where along the way you move forward instead of lookin backward..The best way I can explain is this...

I remember that I could say "last week at this time they were still here...last month at this time they were still here..this should have been my X appointment.." you get to a point where you cant do that any more and you move forward...

I do think about them at least once a day but most of the time it's just a simple memory that makes me smile a little. It's only now, at their birthday, that I look backward again..this year it was 15 years ago today they were still here..

I know this might not make much sense...but the healing process will begin for you. I know this is a very small gesture but I will always remember Rogan.

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i lost my son thru a mc when i was 5 months...this past january....and it still hurts.....i have good days and i have bad days...its usually bad when i'm about to sleep b/c its so quiet and i think about what could have been....but DH and I are slowly moving on...but we'll never forget....

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I admit, I did many things Heather mentioned on a daily basis. I would look at the clock every Saturday when he was born and cry. then every Thursday night when he died. And then all of a sudden I realized I wasn't doing it and I cried for that.

Please do expect this to get better by a certain timeframe. What worked for one person may take twice as long for another.

Monday will be 3 years for us and I still find I cry many times for him. Not as much as I did of course. I can finally smile at his pictures but still have such a hard time watching any video. I just refuse to until I know I'm strong enough. But someone else might be able to do it.

Sometimes I feel weak for still experiencing the strong emotions I do, but Gerty - this is the worst thing in the world to go through. The dreams you were beginning to plan on and images you were seeing in your head are hard to let go of.

I hope you have looked into bereavement counseling

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I watched my dad pass before my eyes and I thought "how could I go on" and every day thereafter it was the same routine, we woke up, did nothing (sat shiva), people came, stared into space etc... and the day ended. Eventually after 2 weeks, my family went back to work and yes it was upsetting. Again same process, people came up to me, I felt horrible, dazed and confused and the night came and I went to bed. After about 3 months and the holiday season ended i was able to come to terms. A yr passed, it was significantly better and there on after it felt more like a hard lifes lesson that makes you stronger. It stinks ...I know. Just let some time pass. Go through the motions. In time you will see, it does get better even if it doesnt seem that way right now.

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