I feel like a failure.

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Message edited 1/20/2011 10:51:37 PM.

Re: I feel like a failure.

First of all You are NOT a failure. Just the opposite it seems. A MA is not everything, but I can understand why you want/need to get one. How about just taking it slow? Maybe taking one or two classes towards a MA. Would that be a possibility?

Re: I feel like a failure.

Quite honestly, we don't even have the money for that. My school will reimburse me a measely amount of it, but still, if I have to lay out the money or if I have to pay another student loan, I just can't swing it. I feel like I dug myself in a hole back in 2001. I thought I was doing the right thing for myself, only to find out that I really kicked myself in the behind now.

Re: I feel like a failure.

Posted by prncss

Quite honestly, we don't even have the money for that. My school will reimburse me a measely amount of it, but still, if I have to lay out the money or if I have to pay another student loan, I just can't swing it. I feel like I dug myself in a hole back in 2001. I thought I was doing the right thing for myself, only to find out that I really kicked myself in the behind now.

Re: I feel like a failure.

Well since you can't go back in time, may as well look ahead to the future. The day WILL come that you can go back for your Masters. It may not be in the next 5-10 years. Or maybe it will. Only time will tell.

It seems you are in a very good place at your job and the only one who is putting pressure on you is yourself. Stop beating yourself up over this. There is NO doubt in my mind that your students are getting a top-notch education from you - and THAT is what's important. I have a feeling your colleagues could not care less what kind of degree you have (or don't have). You are excellent at what you do. That is obvious.

ONE DAY you will get your Masters (if it remains so important to you). Just not right now. So don't dwell on it, and try to focus on all the wonderful things you DO have (a great job, a loving DH, a beautiful daughter, a new house, and a supportive family).

Re: I feel like a failure.

First of all,

You are out there teaching, making a difference in children's lives. I had some great experiences while I was getting my master's, but nowhere NEAR what you are getting actually being out there, writing your own curriculum, and learning by doing.

DH has his A.A. in communication and works in radio production. His degree is useless. He said he learned what he knows by immersing himself in the field. He would love to get his B.A., but he's going to do it in something completely unrelated to radio. It's more for his own satisfaction.

Life happens. Don't let other people intimidate you because they have a higher degree than you. You will get there one day, even if you start slowly, say part-time. You are getting an education by being a teacher and writing programs. You still have plenty of time.

Re: I feel like a failure.

You are NOT a failure! You are a wonderful teacher, wife and mother. Asmuch as you feel down, it really is just a title on a piece of paper in the end. It might make you feel better but I think the titles of MOTHER/WIFE/TEACHER is the most important.

It does sound like your boss is not pushing you but only has concern of how you are feeling.

What exactly would you get your Masters in? I don't know much about Music and the Programs but does SUNY have some type of program you can attend. It's still money but even if you took one class it would help you feel better about yourself and be a step closer to getting to where you eventually want to be.

Again,

Re: I feel like a failure.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my post. I absolutely would like to finish my degree in musicology (music history), however, almost all of the programs on Long Island are full-time programs because you normally need to teach undergrad classes and perform in the college or university's ensembles. Two things I am unable to do. I did look into online degrees, but they are really expensive and I'm not sure if I'll have the time to commit to them. Another thought that I had was to possibly do my masters in History in an effort to integrate my knowledge of music history into world history. My approach to teaching music history is to use music as a way to give history a third dimension, a way to experience a time period, not just read about it. So maybe I can find a part time program in regular History? I am committed to the private school I teach in, so I'm not even concerned about what kinds of certifications or anything I would need since it's not important for me. I just want something relevant to what I teach.

Re: I feel like a failure.

If you do History i think StonyBrook has a program. You might even be able to do the MLS program with a concentration in History. You can do some of those courses online. Like I said, even if it's just one course, it's cheaper at SUNY than a private school and you are one course closer to your dream.

Re: I feel like a failure.

OK- take a deep breath!

You are not a failure! This is what I read from your post:
- you are highly educated in your field
-you have a good job and the respect of your colleagues
-your old boss loved you and your new boss also likes you
-you got a raise this year and more responsibilities
I know there was more but you get the idea- does this sound like a failure to you? No way!

A degree does not make you a better or smarter person. It gives you more knowledge but it's what you do with the knowledge that counts. You sound like you are already well educated and an expert in your field.
If you want to get a masters then you should go for it when you can but don't feel like a failure because you don't have one.
Like the PP stated, stonybrook has some education programs and they are by far the cheapest. Once you start a program there, you have 5 years to finish it. Also, if you take out loans you won't have to pay them back until you are done with school. Maybe look into it and start with a class when you can.
Feel better!

Re: I feel like a failure.

Re: I feel like a failure.

Rachel...you are amazing, so PLEASE don't look at yourself as a failure. You have A LOT on your plate and you are doing the best you can.

Professionally, though, what are the requirements for you to teach at your school? Do you have to follow the same terms and conditions as NYS Teachers and get NYS certified? If so, then YES, you will need to get your masters. Dowling and StonyBrook are probably close. Remember...2 classes a semester are a good pace. You can take a class during the winter and summer breaks to speed up the process. AND LOANS are a blessing. You don't have to lay out much $$$ either. Maybe for books and deposits. But often, you'll get a loan check and use it to cover those costs. You can then take as much time as you need to pay it back. 10, 20, even 30 years. The loan interest is also tax deductable. Financially, it IS possible, there ARE ways, and emotionally, it is draining.

The big question though: Does having a Masters degree make you a better person? no. It's just a piece of paper.

Re: I feel like a failure.

The big question though: Does having a Masters degree make you a better person? no. It's just a piece of paper.

Re: I feel like a failure.

I agree with the others, a masters doesn't neccessarily mean anything. However, I can understand how you feel b/c I get the impression that you are teaching at an upper crust private type school. They tend to make a big deal of these things. I have been to graduation ceremonies at these kind of schools where the faculty is in their college robes and stuff and they do put a lot of emphasis on where their techers were educated and what degrees they had.

I am just basing this on the fact that I have taught in private schools that had no $ for a music program at all- so the fact that you have this advanced a program must mean that your school is pretty $.

Re: I feel like a failure.

Message edited 1/20/2011 10:54:13 PM.

Re: I feel like a failure.

I'm so sorry you're going through this!!! It's just a stupid degree, and it's quite obvious that you are just as well educated and experienced as everyone else. It's such a shame that your experience and on-the-job performance doesn't seem to account for as much as it should!!!

You're most definitely not a failure! Hopefully you'll be able to hold on for awhile until you can scrape some money together to go. Higher ed is so crazily expensive!! Maybe you could talk to a school about going part time, since you already have the classroom aspect of it.

Good luck.

Re: I feel like a failure.

I can only hope to someday soon have everything that you do - I am 34 years old and am in the process of getting stafford loans to go back to college part time in hopes of someday becoming a teacher. It sounds to me like you are a gifted teacher and one step at a time yiou will reach your goal as will I !! Don't give up !!

Re: I feel like a failure.

Titles mean nothing! I know many teachers that have their masters PHD etc and they are half a$$ teachers......from what you have said you know your stuff and really give it your all! Don't let these other people get you down, and in due time you will finish your Masters for YOU!

Re: I feel like a failure.

I'm sorry you feel like this. I am a fellow music teacher as you may remember, and I would never look at someone who doesn't have a masters degree as a 'failure.' I needed to go back for my masters in order to teach...and to be honest, the stuff I learned in my masters, while it served the foundation, I NEVER could have just wandered into a classroom and taught from that education alone. You have experience and WOW you created a curriculum- that is HUGE! All my masters gave me was an in-road, with fieldwork and student teaching. I got all my inspiration and creative ideas through going to workshops and through my own research.

I'm not sure if this will help...but I got my Masters at CUNY Hunter College while I worked full time. It's a music ed program geared toward working professionals and classes are only held at night. Maybe you should look into it? It's VERY affordable. I paid about one semester and then my entire tuition went to loans (not that we love debt but what can we do?).

Do you go to the Orff workshops at Hofstra? I would recommend that as well (www.liaosa.org). I also took my Orff levels there - though that's pretty expensive but you can do it for inservice credit instead. To say you're an Orff certified teacher is a huge accomplishment! I count my Orff education as the biggest contributor to the success I've had -the masters just got me in the door.

What you do on a daily basis with your students and the work you put into your program counts- not a stupid title. FM if you need anything or just want to music ed chit-chat.

Message edited 8/23/2008 8:32:47 AM.