I know you guys will understand

I wasnt going to post this here so as not to upset anyone but this relates right back to my IF problem and I know you all will understand. If its hard for you to hear about children, please dont read on.

Long story short DH thought it would be nice to take me out last night after all that has happened so my DS stayed at my ILs. Well, turned out I missed him terribly and really couldnt enjoy myself (we had dinner and came home, I couldnt make it up for a movie).

This morning I wanted to talk to DS and when we called they said he was out walking the dog. 20 minutes and a lot of worry later they call and DS tells me they took him on the big train. THEY TOOK HIM ON THE SUBWAY!!!!! first time and without my permission. I freaked out, I think more because of all we have been through this week. DS has been part of the reason I can get out of bed everyday and just last night we(DH & I) were talking about how we are grateful for him and how all this **** that has happened makes him even more precious to us and we feel like we have to take extra special care of him.

Well, again I get upset and while I thought DH was trying to console me I quickly figured out he thought I was overreacting and didnt want to have any problems with his mother. He wouldnt go pick him up immediately so we had a HUGE fight. I picked him up and when my BIL called to say I was there my DH replied "you mean my ex-wife". I know he didnt mean it and he always fights nasty and gets hateful when he is mad.

But after this failed IVF this thing with my MIL bothered me much more than it proobably usually would and I am angry that my DH couldnt see my point enough to support me.

I have really been OK with what happened the past few days but this triggered everything I have been dealing with and I guess some of the emotions I have been suppressing. I also think it is taking more of a toll on DH than he lets on.

Sorry to do this here girls, but i really need some and I knew you all would understand, its not really about the subway or my MIL, just this awful loss. I know failed IVF is not really a m/c but I am starting to feel like that is what happened. I mean they were in there right? I have pictures of them.

Re: I know you guys will understand

I am so sorry you are going through this. I would have been upset myself, and your DH should have been a lot more understanding but men can be azzholes sometimes.
This is a tough road and I admire the fact that you continue to travel down it (I couldn't do it anymore), you have a lot of strength and I am sure you will get through this.

Re: I know you guys will understand

Re: I know you guys will understand

Re: I know you guys will understand

I am so sorry this has got your emotions all tied up. I think you are truly justified in your reaction considering what you are up against. And I think I would've been highly upset that my DS was taken on the subway without my permission without having everything else on top of what you were feeling.

Re: I know you guys will understand

Re: I know you guys will understand

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would have reacted the same way even if I didn't go through a m/c or infertility. It's only natural for you to care for and love your son that much and it just means you're a good mommy. I hope another child is lucky enough to have you as a mommy one day.

Re: I know you guys will understand

Re: I know you guys will understand

Pauline, I'm sorry

You are totally justified in what you are feeling, your inlaws usurped your authority!
I'm also sorry that DH isn't more supportive, I think because it's not their bodies they don't grasp the concept the same....

And I think the reason why we all bond so well is that we are all suffering a loss of some kind.

Re: I know you guys will understand

I understand how you feel about protecting your son. I feel the same way. Sometimes when he is running around I'm thinking to myself - wonder if he falls down the stairs and hits his head or something and then I realize I am just being ridiculous. I know I can't be that protective of him. I don't know WHAT I am going to do when he gets older and wants to go somewhere alone - OMG I'm not going to get through it! Luckily, my in-laws would not do anything like that without telling us first - at least I think so. They don't know all we've gone through - I don't know if your in-laws do. If they do, then they should be a little more sensitive to your feelings. DH also does not feel as emotional as I do when it comes to all the losses we have gone though and they failed IVF. I don't know, maybe they just can't feel like we can or maybe because we are carrying these babies we are just more emotional about it. I have gone through 9 m/cs one with IVF and one failed IVF. I thought that when I had the failed IVF I wouldn't feel the same as when I had the m/cs. But I was still VERY upset. It is a loss in a way. Your hopes and dreams of becoming pg are real and you can't help but thinking "what if it works?" and about having a baby.