Need your opinions :-)

We seem to be on a really good slow and steady path with SD ...My DH has been speaking to her now on the phone on pretty much a 2x a week basis ( I know it doesnt sound like much, but trust me when I say, its huge !) ...My DS gets to speak to her too which is really nice also...She genuinely seems to be really happy speaking to my DH, so hopefully this is a sign of things to come...

Last year, since we did not see her and virtually only had contact via mail, we sent her a card for both C-Mas and her B-day ( not a gift), as I've mentioned the past 2 years have been a very tumultious time with her and the BM - it just wouldnt have been appropriate to send a formal gift ( hard to explain) ...We still have her gifts from the year prior at our house ( both from us, Santa and family )

With the holidays approaching and my SD b-day being the end of January I was wondering if this a a yay/nay idea as a little gift for her...Since she is going to have yet another sibling on the way- I thought it might be nice to get her either a 4 way photo locket or a 4 way photo bracelet where we could put a pic of her, my DS, baby to be and in the 4th, she could put a pic of her other sister (the older one)...Either as a big-sister gift or for her b-day ( the baby isnt due to be here until Jan, so this idea wouldnt work for Christmas, unless we have an early arrival )

I thought maybe it would symbolize a "unity" ( not that she would fully understand that at age 11) ...Its also a matter of whether BM will let her keep it (as I've mentioned , she has intercepted pics in the past in the mail, and wouldnt let my SD keep her album of her and my DS )

So anyhow, do you think this is a nice idea, too foward, not appropriate ??? Thoughts- all opinions welcome!..I haven't mentioned this to my DH yet ( Im the shopper of the two of us !) Its still a very awkward phase with her and we are trying to handle every little thing with kid gloves ( sounds ridiculous, but the situation is still really fragile)

Re: Need your opinions :-)

Honestly, while I think it is a fantastic and very lovely idea, it might be pushing a bit too fast, if not even for her, but bio-mom might flip. See how it goes over the next month though... Is there any possibility you would get to see her for winter break in Feb if things continue to go well?

Re: Need your opinions :-)

I think it would be a nice gift for her. I know it is hard b/c BM doesn't help and you want to be sure that she can keep it (since it would be hers) and not have a jealous mother take it from her. I think it would also make her feel like an important part of the family - which she is anyway, but may need to be reminded and this is a good way of doing that.

Or you could give her the blank locket and explain to her what people ususally do with it and let her decide to put the pics in on her own....just a thought.

Anyway, that is great about DH talking to her 2x a week..I totally agree - that is huge when there has been no contact for 2 years....hopefully you will see her for Christmas??

Message edited 12/4/2008 4:22:02 PM.

Re: Need your opinions :-)

Re: Need your opinions :-)

I was actually hopeful that she would maybe want to meet her new sibling which would be January- either in a neutral environment or even at the hospital if she showed interest in it...If her BM wasnt such a cuckoo , I would even say that the BM could drop her off and pick her up for a short visit if my SD was more comfortable with that , but that will never happen ( at least not anytime soon I dont think- unless maybe SD verbalizes her own wishes) I guess I'll have to wait it out and see how it unfolds as the family dynamics change over the next month or so ...Thanks


Since it sounds like the lines of communication have been opening up and DH talks to her weekly....I will bet she will want to meet her new sibling when he/she arrives. Does she seem excited about the new baby?

Re: Need your opinions :-)

Posted by Lucky2008



I was actually hopeful that she would maybe want to meet her new sibling which would be January- either in a neutral environment or even at the hospital if she showed interest in it...If her BM wasnt such a cuckoo , I would even say that the BM could drop her off and pick her up for a short visit if my SD was more comfortable with that , but that will never happen ( at least not anytime soon I dont think- unless maybe SD verbalizes her own wishes) I guess I'll have to wait it out and see how it unfolds as the family dynamics change over the next month or so ...Thanks

Re: Need your opinions :-)

that is great....so I am sure you will start seeing more of her when the new baby arrives. I hope this is the beginning of good things to come for you and SD.

Re: Need your opinions :-)

I think last yr or the year before I got my step dtr a braclet with the photos. She has 2 sisters (that she lives with) and then I have the boys (her brothers) so I put a picture of all of her siblings in each one and also a pic of her. She really liked it. I don't know if she wears it often but I know she usually keeps it in her pocket book.