I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

in the same breath my boss also gave me a lecture on my "attitude". It seems that my shyness is being interpreted as me being "stuck-up". Of course, the "complaints" are only coming from the women (why are some women SO catty??).... He says he understands (because he knows me) that I am just shy but that because I will now be in a more high profile position that I should work on this!!

I didn't even know what to say to this. First of all, I have a pretty good idea of who the women are that told him this and I have ZERO interest in being friendly with them because they are a bunch of catty bitties who used to talk about me behind my back when I first started working here and are extremely 2 faced. I also much prefer to keep my personal life OUT of the office, (especially since DH and I work for the same place) but they insist on prying.

I feel that I am MORE than personable with them, I just don't get all up in their business as I prefer they didn't get all up in mine, ya know?? My boss was telling me that I should participate more in their office parties and what not. Well, the reason I stopped participating was because every other week it was $5 for this one's birthday or $15 for that one's birthday,etc. Yet, whenever it came to anyone in our department, they NEVER threw parties for us. And half the time they expected us to pay without us being able to attend (because our jobs involve travel throughout the island sometimes) I didn't get so much as a congratulations from them when I got married yet they were all ready to call me a beotch because I didn't bring in pictures!!

How do I handle this?? I was utterly speechless. I think I just yessed him to death because I was so taken aback by this sort of reprimand (about my lack of socialization with the office bitties????) and congratulations at the same time.

Now I have to go back this afternoon and sit down to fill out my promotion paperwork with these VERY SAME WOMEN! I really feel like confronting them about this... because I feel I should have a right to defend myself! But then I think maybe I should just shut up, svck it up and play nice. I hate being FAKE. That is NOT me.

I need advice on this one please!!!

Re: I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

Did you tell him you want work to be work and your personal life to be be YOUR personal life. Not in that way but more tactfull? Also, explain the thing with putting in the money he might understand joke around as you bring it up if he is th ejoking kind. Jus t my suggestion

Re: I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

Thanks... I didn't really say anything to defend myself because I was pretty surprised by the whole thing.

Re: I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

That would throw me off.
I think when you go to do the paperwork. Kill t hose old biddies with kindness!

Re: I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

First of all I have to laugh at the "old bitties" thing .. (sorry its just so funny )

That said, I'm not sure HOW I would have responded to what your supervisor said either! I mean there is NOTHING that says you have to be SOCIAL with these people, as long as you are doing a good job that should be MORE than enough ... I am not an azz kisser either so it really WOULD take me back to hear that I had to 'play nice' when really you could care less about these two-faced bitties!

In the workplace I am also perceived as STUCK UP because I genearlly keep to myself, do my job, do not socialize whatsoever, etc. I honestly am not stuck up in the least, its basically shyness and the fact that I do not feel the need to get personal with my co-workers, but it seems to annoy some people here as well. SO It would infuriate me that these catty bitties had the nerve to say something just because you dont bother with them (and raelly outside of WORK you should not HAVE TO)

I don't really know HOW I would handle it, but for me killing them with kindess would NOT work becuase my true feelings about people come shining thru (a poker face I DO NOT HAVE )

Ahh this is a toughie

ETA: I agree with T, maybe when the shock of what your boss said dies down you could just explain that you like to keep work and socialization separate, that you will treat them fairly and with resepct but you cannot be something you are not ...

Message edited 6/2/2005 2:59:31 PM.

Re: I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

I say just bring in cookies every once in a while. How could you be stuck up, if you bring in baked goods?

Re: I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

cookies aren't a bad idea, all old bitties like entemenn's......just take the position, ignore what he said, bring in baked goods...and if he talks to you again, tell him you can't imagine what he is referring to, you've made an effort, you even brought them cake....tell him they just must not like you.

Honestly, it's not like they can force you to be friends...it's so silly. It's work....

Re: I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

Re: I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

Re: I got the promotion BUT...(and it's a BIG but)

IMHO, I don't think that you should have to change because of some office idiots. I would personally talk to them, to clear things up. "Hey, I'm working here now (or am your boss now). I'm sure that it might seem like I'm unapproachable, but please know that I'm not as distant as I seem. If there's ever anything that you need, I will do my best to help. etc, etc". Then again, it might not hurt to try to talk to them every once in a while. Actually F that! You talk to who you want when YOU want -- why should you have to be fake? You can't like everyone in your office! I can't believe that some can be so sensitive when someone keeps to themselves. The messed up part is that if you were ugly, and kept to yourself, they'd think "she's shy", but since you're pretty, and keep to yourself 'she's conceited and/or stuck up'.

I say stick to who you are, and work on being more welcoming with people who aren't bitties (cool nickname! lol).