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Anyone realize that they may never truly connect with one of their steps?
I am closer with my older stepdaughter - she just turned 18, but the other one will be 12. I've known her since she was 6.
I just feel we never really connected, and maybe never will.
I'll be honest - it's my fault too. I just never could vibe with her eprsonality. As a young kid, she was always whiny and clingy. I know the divorce was hard for her - she was 4 when it happened, and maybe there was some jealousy there, but it grated on me. There were times when I just found her to be an annoying, whiny kid. I feel so bad, but I did.
She always wants things - she is never happy unless someone is buying something for her, and since we never had money to take her shopping, I couldn't even connect on that level.
She isn't really someone who sits and talks and just hangs out, like my older stepdaughter. I tried, but it was just hard to connect.
Even DH isn't as connected to her - he's a great dad and he does everything to try, but I can see he is a loving dad, but not best friends like he is with his older daughter - the older one has a very laid back personality, so she can just go with the flow. It's just easier with her.
I have been away with my son and my stepdaughters visiting my inlaws in NJ all week. DH had to work so he came yesterday. We are all staying at SIL's house.
My son wakes up very, very early. I obviously woke up with him, while my stepdaughters slept, understandably. But since DH was finally here this morning, he woke up with our son. Well, this was the first morning my younger stepdaughter woke up at the crack of dawn - and she went to sleep the latest last night.
It showed me how obvious it was that really, she still has no interest in hanging out with me. I know she wanted to hang out with her dad, but it just magnified how little she wants to do with me.
Again, I know it also is my fault. But how do I bridge the gap when I have so much trouble relating to her and her personality? I feel at this point, its so late in the game. I have already just been this b*tch probably.
She is getting easier as she gets older, but at the same time, now she is obsessed with her looks and boys, and wanting designer label stuff. Again, I know its the age, but its so hard to connect with that. When I was her age, I was like that too, but not ONLY like that. She reads those Clique books, and they are supposed to be about how obnoxious cliques are and how they take away your personality, but she is using that as a guide to be IN a clique. I was always against that mentality (I even aoid those little cliques that seem to develop here on LIF  )
I don't know. I guess I'm rambling. I don't know what advice I'm expecting to hear - most of you will probably just say I haven't made enough effort. She's a straight A student, and she is very artistic. She adores her little brother and he is over the moon for her....She has a lot going for her.
My older stepdaughter who gave me such agida (sp?) last uear I couldn't even look at her is coming around and we are close again.... But with the younger, I feel like it was just never there.
Message edited 1/1/2009 8:31:41 AM.
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
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Re: Anyone realize that they may never truly connect with one of their steps?
I agree that a big part of it is probably the age ( and that she's a girl and I know I was pretty moody back then ) Also, sometimes personalities just clash, even that can happen with your own bio-children, and it doesnt mean you have any less love for eachother...I bet as she matures though , you will have a better connection with her- it just takes time 
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
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Re: Anyone realize that they may never truly connect with one of their steps?
It used to be a constant worry of mine that I would never truly connect with them. I love them dearly...but truth be told...I love them b/c I love their father and they are his children.
I wish our relationship was better. I wish that I had a relationship with them like he has with my girls....But I just dont see that happening. I try, I will always try....but I wont let it worry or concern me any more...
Think of it this way. We constantly meet people in our lives whom we instantly connect with...there are others whom we meet that we form a bond with over time...then there are others that we simply never really connect with. Hopefully over time you will have something that the 2 of you will have in common to connect over..but if you dont that's OK too.
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