Upset with SS

Please let me know if I am wrong here.

Four years ago for Christmas, we (well, DH) bought my SS his "dream" gift that he was fawning over for a long time ~ A Quad. It was obviously VERY expensive. I just finished paying off the loan (early, mind you). My DH tells me to look for the title. WHY, you ask? Well, because my SS decides that he is going to sell it. #1, if I didn't bust my butt ot pay it off early, there would still be a loan on it, #2, It was a very expensive gift that DH was guilted into buying because we thought it meant so much to him #3. I am hurt. I guess it didn't mean so much to him after all. I don't know why he would even want to sell it, he still uses it. I *think* he is going to sell it and buy some ridiculous thing like a small used boat or something else he can't fix/afford whatever. To top it all off, even though he is 19 in MArch and hasn't been in school for over a year, DH still pays child support for him, even though he has a job! I am just so irked by this on so many levels. We are having money probs right now and this kid is going to turn around and sell a gift and spend thousands on stupid shyt while we are still pumping all types of $$ his way... I told DH what I feel and he kn ows what SS is doing is wrong, but says he doesn't want to fight with him and can't force him to keep it.
Things like this is what makes me pull away from SS. I am so upset. Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: Upset with SS

I completely understand why you are frustrated but if it was given as a gift, and 4 years ago, isn't it his to do with what he wants to? Once you give something to anyone, as a gift, it's theirs to do with as they wish.

As far as child support, that is between your dh, birthmother and the courts. SS has doesn't have any control over that. If DH is no longer financially responsible for any part of SS expenses, he should have that court ordered.

I don't think these are issues that you should hold against your ss. The gift is his and he can do with it as he wants. The support issues has NOTHING to do with SS and you shouldn't hold that against him at all. These things are going to cause a rift in your relationship with ss and dh.

Re: Upset with SS

I don't blame you for being annoyed. Can either you explain to him your feelings on the situation?

Does he use it? If so, personally, I probably would accidentally "lose" the title for a year or so or until I felt satisfied that I got my monies worth. I'm definitely NOT saying it's the right way to handle it at all, that's just what I would probably do.

Re: Upset with SS

A teenager still using a gift after 4 years is pretty remarkable. Some people don't have cars that last that long.

In reality, like pp said, it's a gift. He, as an adult, can do with it what he wants to. If he wants to sell it to buy something else, however irresponsible you may feel it is, it is his right. The amount of money you spent and the terms of the loan have no bearing on him.

I'm not saying it is easy as parents to let them do stupid things like this, but I don't see any reason to stop him from doing it.

Thankgoodness you have paid it off.

ETA - that stinks about CS. That would sooo piss me off.
Can he go back to court and have it changed? What is in the agreement about after the kids turn 18 if he is not a full time student.

Message edited 1/6/2009 5:35:30 PM.

Re: Upset with SS

A large gift such as that is a tough call. I know it was expensive, and had you not paid it off early a loan would still be there. Which would just mean SS would not be able to sell it for a new "toy".

However, a gift is a gift no matter what. If I gave you a bottle of perfume which you hated so you returned it for a bottle you did like could I blame you? I know a bottle of perfume in comparison to a quad is just penny's but its the concept.

As far as the child support. You know how I feel about that. I really think your DH needs to make an appt with the courts and his x to be relieved from paying it. There is no reason if SS is working, and 19, and has chosen to no longer pursue his education, there is ZERO reason you should be paying CS!

Re: Upset with SS

Re: Upset with SS

You are totally right! I would've been piissed beyond belief! Esp b/c of the child support thing and the fact that it seems as though all you guys do is lay out money. Ugh... I'm so sorry you are going thru this. I sincerely hope your SS grows up one of these days! Hang in there girl. Whenever it gets to be too much, look at the gorgeous son of yours!!

Message edited 1/7/2009 11:29:10 PM.

Re: Upset with SS

I can understand your frustration, but it was a gift and he is free to do with it what he wants. As far as "losing the title", be the adult in the situation and just give it to him.

In NY child support is typically paid up to 21 regardless if the child is a student or not. Not sure what your husband's child support order says, you might want to have him read it.

Re: Upset with SS

I totally understand how you feel. My DH would do the same thing too. But, I'm beginning to learn not to take everything SS does too personally. It was a gift. Don't buy him lavish presents anymore.