I need some hugs

so I don't know if its b/c I thought I was feeling better than I was, but yesterday was so hard!! it started off with the doctors visit, and then we went to my BIL's to celebrate the January/February birthdays (there's 6 of us in the fam)......we're the only ones of DH's siblings without kids right now, I LOVE all of his nieces & nephews (9 total), but it kept running through my mind while I was sitting there last night that we're the only ones without kids. and then what threw me in to full on tears was when his 3 1/2 year old niece Angelina sat down next to me on the couch and she tried to lift up the bottom of my shirt b/c she said "she wanted to see the baby" and I said "I lost the baby because it was sick, so the baby's not there anymore"....and her being 3 1/2 she's so curious, so she kept saying "but where did the baby go??" and I kept saying "it left" because I was on the verge of tears and didn't know what to say, then finally the last time she asked me I said "it went to heaven"

luckily it was just me & her sitting on the couch b/c everyone else was around the dining room table so thank god no one else heard what she said b/c then I really would have cried in front of everyone, instead I grabbed DH to go outside and held it together just long enough until we got outside and burst into tears. and then when I walked back in I felt like I had a spotlight on my head like everyone knew I was upset, they weren't staring at me or anything it was just I felt like they were trying to be all cheery with me and in some way it made it worse, I want to feel normal so badly right now and I think in some ways I might be trying to force myself into putting this behind me, and I need to just allow myself these occassional breakdowns. can I have some hugs please....thanks for listening.

Message edited 1/31/2009 10:17:28 AM.

Re: I need some hugs

You have FM

Re: I need some hugs

Re: I need some hugs

I'm so sorry that you had such a tough day

Re: I need some hugs

Re: I need some hugs

Re: I need some hugs

I know how you feel. My neohew is 8 years old, and it was so hard to explain to him. My MIL told him that not every baby is born. Some you only have for a little while.

Dealing with a mc is such a day to day thing. I'm fine most days, but every once in a while someone will say something that makes me so sad.

Re: I need some hugs

so sorry Hel

Re: I need some hugs

OMG Helen, I am so sorry that happened. I hope you start feeling better and FM me if you need to talk!

Re: I need some hugs

Re: I need some hugs

Re: I need some hugs

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Oh sweetie... I know you are so sad right now, but I promise that as the days pass you will feel a bit better. Your loss will never leave your heart but it will become bearable. Hang in there!

Re: I need some hugs

Re: I need some hugs

let me know if you need anything sweetie

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Re: I need some hugs

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It just takes time! It's okay to have a breakdown, your only human!! I think we all do! Give yourself some time!!

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Re: I need some hugs

I am so sorry....

Re: I need some hugs

Re: I need some hugs

I'm so sorry.