For those who are childless by choice

How/when did you and DH arrive at that decision?

Is it something you discussed and agreed upon before marriage? Or did you come to the conclusion together after you'd been married for a while?

And is it something you and DH agree on completely, or would one of you be OK with or without children, but accepts the other's desire not to have any?

Re: For those who are childless by choice

Dh & i dated for years and knew neither one of us wanted kids...he made sure i didn't change my mind before he proposed...and then he double checked again before we got married...we are both on the same page as far as not wanting kids.

Re: For those who are childless by choice

This was a subject we discussed in the first two weeks of dating! We talked about it once in a while over the next 10 years, usually when there was a new baby born in my family. Or the multitude of times that his mother brought it up.

Neither of us ever wanted children. I know a couple that disagreed on the subject while dating, got married, the person who didn't want children compromised and they had 1. Of course the one that wanted children wanted another and it's been a strain over the next 5 years. Lo and behold, they had an "accident" and now one of them is over the moon and the other is begrudgingly accepting that they will have two now, not one.

I'm a firm believer in whatever works for you, since your relationship is much different than anyone else's. However, I do think that not being completely honest and agreeing to a common decision before marriage is irresponsible.

Re: For those who are childless by choice

We both 100% wanted kids for the first maybe five years we were together.
Then the year we were getting married I kept feeling like I really didn't want to anymore.
I was reluctant to say something at first because I didn't want to hurt him.
Then I realized it would be way more hurtful to not say anything so I did.
He was quite surprised.
I told him I would understand if he didn't want to marry me.
He said I was crazy to ever think that he would rather have a child over being w/me.
It didn't take one full day for him to think of all the exciting things we'd be able to do w/o kids and we've been set from then.
I sometimes get a baby itch which is why we have two staying small size dogs and I spend a lot of time w/the children in our lives.
Since neither of us is 100% on not having a child we keep the option open for each other.
We discuss the decision every so often just to feel each other out and we're still on the same page for now.

Re: For those who are childless by choice

We've both always known we didn't want children - and it was something we discussed before marriage. I, personally, could NEVER marry someone if we weren't on the same page about children, etc.

Re: For those who are childless by choice

We both knew we didn't want to have kids. We discussed it before getting married. We always left it open in case one of us changed our minds. I have gone through a baby itch phase but DH is adamant about not having any.

Re: For those who are childless by choice

We talked about it numerous times when we were dating and engaged. It is been talked about still as we are now married.

I would not have married DH if we weren't on the same page. It is a big decsion.

Re: For those who are childless by choice

When our relationship got serious, I told him I didn't want kids, and that I was 100% sure about it. At the time, I knew he wanted kids so I didn't want him to waste his time with me. But he didn't want to break up and never really made a big deal about it. Throughout the courtship, I occassionally brought it up to see what he thought. But again, no big deal.
Then when he proposed, I told him I was certain I didn't want children and I would understand if he didn't want to be with me anymore. But he was certain that I was the one and that no children was ok with him. I just feared that he would regret it or resent me for it. But he seems fine with decision. He understands the reasons why I don't want to have children, and I guess from that he respects my choice.
God, I love that man!