How to deal with death of a family member ....

not so quick backstory... I'm petrified of death (not mine, other people around me dying ) and the whole funeral process etc... My family has been really great with me not requiring me to go and letting me say goodbye to people in my own way.. but now DH's family is very elderly and it will really hit home within the next 24 hours.. his gpa is in his final hours and I am dreading the process, he's lived a great full life and is a wonderful man.. but is in ICU and according to nurses and drs he's going to pass most liekly overnight... last time I tried to go to a wake (it was closed casket of a friends gma who i'd met once -to try to desensitize myself) and I ran out of the funeral home hystericaly crying and vomited in the parking lot numerous times.. after that I can't bring myself to go anywhere near any funeral homes and many close family members have passed .. so how on earth do I support my DH without having a breakdown... He is very aware of my issues so im not worried about him being hurt by that but I feel that I can't be there for him 100% with this b/c I can't be with him physically at the wake and funeral... I am bawling even writing this... if any one can give me some insight it would be great... and all joking aside 2 mg xanax can't even make me get in a car for one of these types of affiars... so what on earth am I going to do, Im sick just thinking of this wonderful man's passing and how much DH will be hurting... thanks for reading if you've gotten this far

Re: How to deal with death of a family member ....

I really dk how to handle it.
My mom died suddenly 1 1/2 months ago and I still cannot.
When my uncle died I freaked-(years ago) and couldn't go in, my aunt gave me something..I dk what..
you know what..I am sure I was different but I was able to say goodbye and kiss him./
Maybe go...and stay in the childrens playarea and babysit or in the rest area--u do not necessarily have to go into the room.
People are waaaay too busy to even notice.
Take frequent breaks and if you cannot handle it then you cannot handle it/.
I wish I knew the key on handling it...I still cannot.
I guess we just have to think like someone told me, its selfish to have someone here and potentially suffer then have them go to a better place.
xxxooo

Re: How to deal with death of a family member ....

Unfortunately, I've been to many wakes in my life. The best advice I can give you is to go to the funeral home and not go inside. Many have a waiting area for children or you can stay outside the door where you can't see the casket. I think this is the best so you can be there to support your husband but hopefully not make you sick.

Re: How to deal with death of a family member ....

I would speak to your husband. I have many of the same issues, mostly resulting from going to an open casket wake of a friend in high school.
Your DH will understand. My family, like yours, also understands. When my DH's grandmother died (they were not close) I stayed in the hall at the funeral home. When a close friend's father died, I did not go up to the casket and stayed in the very back. I find ways to make myself be apart of the process while still knowing my own emotional limits.