Those of you who have full custody

I was just wondering how you ended up having full custody. I know it's really hard for dads to get full custody unless BM is unfit i.e. drug addict or mentally ill. I was just wondering if any of you have a situation where you were awarded full custody and BM isn't a nightmare (in the Court's view anyway).

BM in my situation isn't necessarily unfit but she isn't doing the right thing AT ALL by my SD now that she has a SO. I would love to be able to get custody of my SD but I don't want to start a losing battle that would cause my SD any further grief.

Any thoughts or words of wisdom?l

Re: Those of you who have full custody

I have no words of wisdom but I would also love to see your replies.

Re: Those of you who have full custody

You mean after the court already awarded joint custody?

Things may have changed but New York state will only award sole custody to one parent or the other...unless they agree to joint custody...they recognize it but wont award it. So if the parents wont agree to joint custody one parent or the other will get custody....

Does BM already have physical custody? Meaning that she goes to school etc by BM?

IMO she'd really have to be messing up in order to get full custody of her. Perhaps changing the order to joint custody but that he wants physical custody wont be as difficult. But I really dont know.....

What is she doing?

Re: Those of you who have full custody

Unfit can be many things. I went through this with my DH's ex. There were many things that she did that either violated their custody agreement or was very negligent regarding school issues. We were advised by DH's lawyer to mark everything on a calendar. EVERYTHING! At the time of their divorce, they had joint custody with residential custody with their mom.
When she told us that she wanted to move to PA with them, my DH filed for custody. The girls were 12 & 17 at the time & once everything came out before the lawyers and the judge, DH was awarded sole custody in every aspect & she was given alternate weekend and some holidays for visitation. She ended up moving to PA and although she talks often to them on the phone, she sees them maybe once a year. It was sad, but it was the best thing for the girls and gave them a chance for a better life.

Re: Those of you who have full custody

I haven't been on for a couple of days so I haven't had a chance to read until today. Since then, all hell has broken loose.

DH and BM do not have anything legal. They were never married. They have always worked out everything (holidays, CS etc.) between the 2 of them and it has always worked out. BM lives in another town but SD goes to school in our district.

BM just got a job working nights. DH would love to have SD live with us F/T. BM had her new boyfriend move in so he can watch SD at night while she works. It is totally ridiculous. Why can't SD just come to live with us, in a stable house and be with her dad who gets off of work before her school day is over instead of some guy? Oh, I know! Because she wants her CS. I love how she thinks her kid is a cash cow.

I just think that if we did try to go about this in the Courts or through a mediator, we would end up losing. We won't get custody b/c her mom doesn't do anything particularly awful (SD loves the boyfriend), it will cost a fortune in lawyer's fees and DH will probably somehow get stuck paying more CS. It's very frustrating.

Re: Those of you who have full custody

no matter what the mother does unfortunately she will always get custody. bm was gone for a whole year and left the kids with their gp's and it took almost that long to actually get a court date but once we got a date, she returned and the court didn't even want to hear it. she had a million appearances in front of the judge and no matter what, the kids always went back to her. she in the end realized what she was doing and gave us the kids. after 7 years of court hearings.

Re: Those of you who have full custody