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Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
Member since 2/07 6815 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
I post mostly on the partenting board, but in addition to my two year old DS, I am also a step mother of two boys.
I was wondering if you ladies could help me...
DH and I don't have a will and we have been talking about it. I have been stressing, since DS was born, on what is the norm or the "right way" to write up a will in a blended family.
We own a home (have mortgage), we both have separate 401(k)s. That's about it. These are the thoughts/questions going through my mind. I would appreciate any BTDT advice as well as your thoughts.
All of these are God forbid instances...
Does the house and both 401(k)s get left to all three kids equally if DH and I both die?
Does my 401(k) go only to my DS?
If I die, does my 401(k) go to DH for him to split equally amoung kids?
If DH dies, and I'm left with house, at what point do SSs get anything from it? Presumably I am still living in it? KWIM? I would just include them in my will for when I die? Again, would you normally divide equity equally between step children and bio child?
I know this is a morbid post, full of random thoughts and not even well written.... But, I would really appreciate your help!
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Posted 6/19/09 3:55 PM  |
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ziamaria
I love this boy!
Member since 4/07 3372 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
These are all excellent questions. My concern in all of it is that, G-forbid something happened to both me and my husband, our DS wouldn't have any surviving parents to help him, whereas G-forbid something happened to us, my SS still has his mom, KWIM? I feel the same way about saving for college - SS has 2 families that are saving (or are supposed to be) while DS has 1...I think it would be best to consult w/a lawyer and see if they have any information about people who've been in this situation in the past and what has worked well for all parties...good luck
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| Posted 6/20/09 3:07 AM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
My portion gets divided by my future kids evenly, DH's portion gets divided by his kids evenly. Why do I see that fair because my stepson has his mom, grandparent on his side. I need to make sure my future kids are taken care of. With the exception of my sister they have no one, no grandparents etc..
If DH goes first, I have full control of his estate and I will take care of his son as we cant trust Bio Mom to do the right thing for him. If we both die at the saem time my sister is responsible for taking care of all kids including stepson. We have clear instructions for her.
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| Posted 6/20/09 1:06 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
If one of us dies the other one gets everything. We are leaving it up to the other spouse to do the right thing in the future....
If both of us were to pass on at the same time...DS gets 50% and the rest is divided amoungst the other children...they would get their money AFTER the graduate from college or reach the age of 25.
This is taking into account that they would have a surviving parent to provide for them..while the child we have together would still need to be provided for.
Its a messy situation all around but we felt it was the fairest way to go.
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| Posted 6/21/09 7:37 PM |
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clwp
Love my girls!
Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
Name:
mommy
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
I'm so stressed about this topic b/c DH leaves somethings go for a long time... this is one of those we "never" have the money for.
DH and I have discussed and agree... his son only gets from him. Our children together get from both of us. The house we live in is the home our children know and only they will split the house SS's mother has a house and he has no sibs to split it with - it's not like it would be split with my kids or something. DH will leave specific stocks or monies he wants for SS, but anything we aquired together only goes to our kids. Some may think I'm horrible for feeling this way, but I'm not a bank account. I get no say in SS's world and only see him a few times a year... he has his mother, his grandparents and very generous extended family. He's set. My kid's barely have grandparent's and my p's are blowing all their money on themselves, which is fine, but I need to make sure my kids are taken care of. I am planning at least to leave a note before I go to have my c-section, but DH knows my wishes as well as my sister.
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| Posted 6/21/09 9:11 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
Not a stepparent here but, your 401(k) would go to those that you've designated as your secondary beneficiaries if you both pass. Your spouse has to be first unless he's signed a waiver.
If you die, your 401(k) goes to him - and then it becomes part of his estate to be split how he designates in his will.
As for the house, it depends on who is listed on the deed. Are you both listed?
Because the estate is slightly more complicated, I'd see a lawyer sooner rather than later. I know someone who was under the impression that everything in her husband's name or a joint name went to her if her spouse died but NYS has their own will written for you if you don't have one...She was surprised to find out that the children (all of the children) get a portion of the estate automatically which means her stepchildren could file to force the sale of the house she lived in.
Do you have life insurance with beneficiaries designated?
Message edited 6/22/2009 7:13:54 AM.
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| Posted 6/22/09 7:13 AM |
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cgdg61606
Little Brother Christopher
Member since 2/07 6815 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
Posted by nrthshgrl
Not a stepparent here but, your 401(k) would go to those that you've designated as your secondary beneficiaries if you both pass. Your spouse has to be first unless he's signed a waiver.
If you die, your 401(k) goes to him - and then it becomes part of his estate to be split how he designates in his will.
As for the house, it depends on who is listed on the deed. Are you both listed?
Because the estate is slightly more complicated, I'd see a lawyer sooner rather than later. I know someone who was under the impression that everything in her husband's name or a joint name went to her if her spouse died but NYS has their own will written for you if you don't have one...She was surprised to find out that the children (all of the children) get a portion of the estate automatically which means her stepchildren could file to force the sale of the house she lived in.
Do you have life insurance with beneficiaries designated?
DH did not sign a waiver for 401(k), he is beneficiary and DS is contingent beneficiary.
We are both on the deed. Does that mean the house would go to one or the other if one of us dies, or does the NYS law you were talking about where a portion goes to the children automatically come into effect? I was under the impression that it all went to the surviving spouse.
I do have life insurance, and I believe my son is primary beneficiary with my DH being contingent beneficiary, but I'm going to double check that.
Thanks for your help!
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| Posted 6/22/09 10:44 AM |
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gpsyeyes
She's my world!!!
Member since 8/06 1184 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
You really should see a lawyer for all the right answers. There are some exceptions to all the statements people have made here that your individual situation and they way your property may be deeded could mean something very different. NYS's laws for when someone dies without a will (intestate) are mostly to distribute "probate" property. This is property that would normally pass to someone else without going through the courts even if the person had a will. You really need expert advice when it comes to this, especially with blended families. If you are going to have a will, you need to be clear as to who will be left what and make sure that for the most part, it will
hold up in court should one of your beneficiaries contest it. Good luck & if you want some recommendations for an Estate/Trust attorney you can FM me.
Message edited 6/22/2009 9:01:55 PM.
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| Posted 6/22/09 9:01 PM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
You should also speak to your stepchildren's parents about their wishes. You should make sure that there are no opposing views on guardianship.
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| Posted 6/24/09 2:38 PM |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
Member since 11/07 10116 total posts
Name:
Gabi
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
Posted by cgdg61606
We are both on the deed. Does that mean the house would go to one or the other if one of us dies, or does the NYS law you were talking about where a portion goes to the children automatically come into effect? I was under the impression that it all went to the surviving spouse.
Thanks for your help!
In NYS, there is no rule that you have to leave anything to your children. Your spouse will always obtain your estate if you die intestate. So, if you die and DH is alive, he will get the house. Period. If you do draw up a will that states when you die [assuming you go first,] the house is divided in 1/2 between DH and your DS, then you can do that too. But you would need the will to state that. NYS does not automatically give children property unless they are the closest living heirs and the spouse is deceased as well and there is no will in place. HTH!
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| Posted 6/30/09 11:31 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Wills - your step kids/your bio kids
Posted by twinkletoes807
In NYS, there is no rule that you have to leave anything to your children. Your spouse will always obtain your estate if you die intestate. So, if you die and DH is alive, he will get the house. Period. If you do draw up a will that states when you die [assuming you go first,] the house is divided in 1/2 between DH and your DS, then you can do that too. But you would need the will to state that. NYS does not automatically give children property unless they are the closest living heirs and the spouse is deceased as well and there is no will in place. HTH!
Where did you get that information?
Unless I'm reading wrong or they updated the law, the spouse gets $50K plus HALF the estate, issue (aka CHILDREN) get the other half.
I can't find the updated version online but copied this from an attorney's website in GC, this is what I recall the NYS site had:
Estates, Powers, and Trusts Law 4-1.1
EPTL 4-1.1: Descent and distribution of a decedent's estate
EPTL 4-1.1
Descent and distribution of a decedent's estate
The property of a decedent not disposed of by will shall be distributed as provided in this section. In computing said distribution, debts, administration expenses and reasonable funeral expenses shall be deducted but all estate taxes shall be disregarded, except that nothing contained herein relieves a distributee from contributing to all such taxes the amounts apportioned against him or her under 2-1.8. Distribution shall then be as follows:
(a) If a decedent is survived by:
(1) A spouse and issue, fifty thousand dollars and one-half of the residue to the spouse, and the balance thereof to the issue by representation.
(2) A spouse and no issue, the whole to the spouse.
(3) Issue and no spouse, the whole to the issue, by representation.
(4) One or both parents, and no spouse and no issue, the whole to the surviving parent or parents.
(5) Issue of parents, and no spouse, issue or parent, the whole to the issue of the parents, by representation.
(6) One or more grandparents or the issue of grandparents (as hereinafter defined), and no spouse, issue, parent or issue of parents, one-half to the surviving paternal grandparent or grandparents, or if neither of them survives the decedent, to their issue, by representation, and the other one-half to the surviving maternal grandparent or grandparents, or if neither of them survives the decedent, to their issue, by representation; provided that if the decedent was not survived by a grandparent or grandparents on one side or by the issue of such grandparents, the whole to the surviving grandparent or grandparents on the other side, or if neither of them survives the decedent, to their issue, by representation, in the same manner as the one-half. For the purposes of this subparagraph, issue of grandparents shall not include issue more remote than grandchildren of such grandparents.
(7) Great-grandchildren of grandparents, and no spouse, issue, parent, issue of parents, grandparent, children of grandparents or grandchildren of grandparents, one-half to the great-grandchildren of the paternal grandparents, per capita, and the other one-half to the great-grandchildren of the maternal grandparents, per capita; provided that if the decedent was not survived by great-grandchildren of grandparents on one side, the whole to the great-grandchildren of grandparents on the other side, in the same manner as the one-half.
(b) For all purposes of this section, decedent`s relatives of the half blood shall be treated as if they were relatives of the whole blood.
(c) Distributees of the decedent, conceived before his or her death but born alive thereafter, take as if they were born in his or her lifetime.
(d) The right of an adopted child to take a distributive share and the right of succession to the estate of an adopted child continue as provided in the domestic relations law.
(e) A distributive share passing to a surviving spouse under this section is in lieu of any right of dower to which such spouse may be entitled.
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Obviously the OP should see an attorney rather than take advice online, but that was my interpretation (which doesn't count in court
 )
Message edited 7/1/2009 6:42:03 AM.
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| Posted 7/1/09 6:41 AM |
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