Need Advice

Message edited 9/29/2009 12:48:23 PM.

Re: Need Advice

I could have wrote this. Please don't feel alone.

DH and I are on the fence about kids (he more on the fence than I - I am more on the child free by choice side).
Anyway yes I have felt disrespected by my and DH's family on several occassions.

As for SIL did anything maybe happen between you that may have caused this - or do you honestly think it is because she cannot relate to you cf lifestyle?

I understand it can be lonely - do you have any other cf friends or family members that you can hang out with? I have a ton of hobbies, I entertain all the time and spend time with a book club and work friends as much as possiable. Maybe get a new pet - my puppy eats up like all of my free time....

Re: Need Advice

Message edited 9/29/2009 12:48:36 PM.

Re: Need Advice

Aww...i've been feeling lonely lately too... Dh & I aren't having kids & all my friends are married with them...so we don't get to go out as much as we did and they all live at least 45 minutes away...i miss the days when we were all single & hanging out...i don't really feel it's because we don't have kids...but because everyone else is so busy with theirs...maybe sign up for a class or something to meet people?

Re: Need Advice

I'm sorry you're sad.

Were you close to SIL before she had kids? Did she start to put distance between you after a certain time? What indicates to you that the distance is because you and DH choose not to have kids?

I know being childless can sometimes create a rift- but it isn't always the source of the problem, kwim?

Re: Need Advice

Do you have a group of friends at work that you can hang out with outside of work with?
What about the CF get togethers they have here???? I think there just was one.
Also I used to vol at Big Brothers Big Sisters, and City Harvest and met ppl there.
As for your SIL - I find sometimes ppl can be envious of my and DH's lifestyle - and the freedom and financial advantage it sometimes gives us. Sometimes that puts some space between us. Many of our friends with children make an effort to do couple things w/o their kids being invovlved, and many do not. My family gives us grief and his family who are like minaical baby people make us feel like second class citizens most of the time - but you know what I dont care, I love our life and I dont care if it makes other ppl uncomfortable with there own chioces and if that means that I am somehow unworthy of being in some super cool ppl with kids club in their opion then so be it..... reading this over I think maybe I am not the best peson to get advice from being I am mostly in the same situation lol...... and I guess alittle hurt by it as well .

Re: Need Advice

You are definitely not alone. I feel this way also and not just with a few of my friends, but with my sister as well.

Re: Need Advice

Can totally relate! In DH'S family you are chop liver unless you have kids

Re: Need Advice

You are definitely not alone! DH and I have been going through the same thing lately...in our group of friends, we are the only couple who does not have kids and are not expecting any.

Re: Need Advice

Sadly, this has happened to me with almost all of my friends, with one exception. It bites to say the least. It's also hard to try and make new friends, especially couple friends!
I really think that as our friends have kids they think *WE* don't want to be included in their Mommy updates, but I mean, if you are my friend and this is what is going on in your life, then I'm interested! Yes, it'd be nice to do or talk about just grown up things, but I'm always willing to talk kid stuff if need be to keep the friendship alive. But as we know that's a 2 way street rarely traveled!

Re: Need Advice

You're not alone
I would suggest talking to her one last time and then walking away from the friendship knowing that you really did try.
Most importantly, you haven't done anything wrong so don't take it personally. It's her loss if she loses you as a friend.

Re: Need Advice

Message edited 9/29/2009 12:48:52 PM.

Re: Need Advice

To a certain extent yes and for the most part when we do speak, the conversation usually turns around to their children.

Re: Need Advice

Yes. This time of year is especially tough with all of the back to school things.

It blows my mind that all the babies that were in the womb at our wedding will ride the bus to kindergarten next year.

Re: Need Advice

family no (there aren't any kids), friends yes!

I don't think they mean to, they just think of their other friends with kids when they do family friendly things & they can't always make it to adult only functions.

ETA- I also find it hard to make new friends our age in our neighborhood--they are friendly in passing, but they all seem to bond over the kids, and hanging out at the pool with & play dates & stuff.

Message edited 9/8/2009 5:25:14 PM.