Not Happy - UPDATED

Well, I knew this day would come I just thought it wouldn't be so soon. SS called DH today and talked to him like nothing was wrong. He moved out of his friends house into another, is working more hours and wants to come over tonight.

DH is acting like nothing happened and I'm just not ready to deal with this yet.

SS leaving the way that he did caused a lot of turmoil and discontent in our house and it infuriates me that DH will just talk to him like nothing happened and when I told DH that I wasn't happy about it and that I wasn't ready to talk to him or see him.....I'm wrong. I need to be the bigger person and act more my age he says.

DH wants me to be happy for him b/c they are now on speaking terms. I'am but, I'm not going back into this with my eyes bound shut. I still thinks he wants something.

What should I do?

UPDATE:

SS came over for dinner. Didn't stay very long. Basically ate and listened to DH tell him what he should and shouldn't be doing (totally not the right time). Things arent' looking very bright for him at the moment. He's not going to CC in the fall b/c he didn't work enough hours in the summer to save for a car. He could take the bus but obviously he doesnt want to go to school. He moved in with his BF and his BF's GF and baby into a crappy 2 bedrooom apt until he and his other friend can move out into their own place. But, his friends dad isn't to thrilled with the idea of SS and his son living together b/c SS doens't have consitent hours at work. His son works FT. So well have to see about that. His hours at work range btwn 7-30 hours a week it's never consistant. He claims he's looking for something else. When I asked him about the UPS job BM was supposed to get him, he danced around it and didn't give me a straight answer.

He got his own cell phone plan and put his mom on it b/c her credit isn't good enough for her to get a plan of her own. He opened his own bank account, even though he had one at our bank he went to another. His tattoo looks like crap and I'm pizzed at BM b/c she took him to the cheapest place you can find and it shows!!!

His job offers him health insurance and its lot more then what I pay for him now and not as good so I told him that I would keep him on mine so he can save a few bucks every month. Not even a thank you. Heck, I wonder if DH realized what I did.....I even gave him my insurance card. DH took him to the movies last night and he is coming over again tonight for dinner and football.

I admit I'm jealous. I know that I shouldn't be. I'ts going to be hard for me to support this relationship esp. when DH gets stepped on all the time and it's been so nice having DH all to myself. It's something that I never had and that was needed for both of us. I'm upset that DH hasn't addressed to SS what happened and they way SS left and instead continues to act like nothing happened and spend time with him.

DH accussed me of having an attitude this morning b/c I guess I raised my brows when he said that SS was coming over again tonight. Ohhhh, let the fun begin!!

Message edited 9/10/2009 11:37:39 AM.

Re: Not Happy

As hard as it is, I think you should treat your SS as you would your own child. I would imagine it would be very hard for a parent to turn their back on their child or not speak with them. I agree with DH (not saying that you need to act our age though) but you're the adult and need to set an example.

I say, approach this from a positive angle. Be supportive and encouraging that SS has been on his own but also be firm that if he wants to come home...he needs to know the "House Rules."

Re: Not Happy

I agree with AnaMaree

Although I always considered myself very sensitive to my SD and her relationship with my DH and cared for her as "my own" , after having "my own "biological children, I have a newfound respect for the unconditional love one has for a child that is theirs ....

I too could not turn my back on one of my children, however their would be boundaries that would need to be set and the parameters need to be discussed with your DH, so you know in what capacity you will be involved with your SS as far as any decison making etc...Either way your SS needs to give respect to get it, but I would try to give him a chance for your DH and see where it goes

Re: Not Happy

Your DH is not wrong for wanting to mend things with his son, but you both should talk with SS first about what happened - resolve it and discuss that there are boundaries and expectations of respect for each other in your home if he does want to come back, don't sweep it under the carpet, b/c it may be worse the next time....this is the same exact thing we are going through with my SD, DH sweeps everything under the carpet and nothing ever gets resolved...it just gets worse.

I know you are not saying that he should turn his back on him, but I think telling you to act your age and be the "adult" is not fair either. Those are the comments that make some of us start to feel resentful.

Re: Not Happy

I totally understand how upset you are. I'm sure I'd feel the same way if I were in your situation. I think the only thing to do is support DH's relationship with SS, but insist on discussing expectations. I would never turn my back on my DS, and I wouldn't expect DH to do that to his children, but it is hard to watch when you don't feel there are any boundaries or respect in place and it affects your life and home. I would like to think that I would expect the same of my own son if in the same situation...

Hang in there!

Re: Not Happy - UPDATED

Ugh!! I feel your pain... I really do. It's easy to say you shouldn't be jealous, but it's another thing totally not to feel that natural emotion... I wish I had advice. I can see myself feeling the same way in your situation and I can also see myself being in your situation down the road when SSs are older.

Sending strength and happy, peaceful vibes your way to ride out this tough time!!!