O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Guess what I got in the mail today?????

A petition from family court. BM is suing us for back child support, and a cost of living increase!!
For those that don't know the story, DH pays $2150 a month in CS (yes, you read that right). SS dropped out of school right before he turned 18. We continued to pay the full amount. When my DH got laid off 7 years ago, and was out of work for 4 months, we continued to pay the full amount. When DH's business went under and he didn't collect a check for 4 months, we paid the full amount. Only since Jan have we been giving reduced payments of $1650 (that is the amount for SD only, since SS has been working full time for the past year). It clearly says in the divorce decree that payment shall stop when a child is no longer in school and retains full time employment. So we really do not owe her anything. And to top it all off she wants a cost of living increase
She does not buy the kids clothes like she is supposed to. They look ratty in old ripped clothes, and WE constantly buy them new clothes. They (well mostly SD) is always calling asking us to bring her food becuase there is none in the house. BM usually only comes home 2 days a week, when she can pry herself away from here boyfriend

I wave HAD it with this self absorbed entitled b!itch!!!

PLEASE reccomend a SHARK and I mean SHARK attorney for DH. We will fight this, simply because it is just not right or fair. Thanks for "listening"

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Oh man !!!!

I wish I had a decent attorney to reccomend to you, both of our were morons ....I have researched attorneys that specialized in fathers rights a while back and came across Sari Friedman...

[http://www.sarilaw.com/Family_Law/Fathers_Rights.aspx

So sorry you are dealing with this

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Do you think we should just file for custody at this point? I would love for the courts to hear what a POS she is!

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

I completely feel your pain and am sorry you had to get that letter..so frustrating!....although it sounds like she will not get the "back pay" since it clearly states in the agreement that if the child is working fulltime, etc. that it would stop but it is just a headache that you don't need. I am sorry I can't recommend an attorney either b/c like Bops, my DH 2 attorneys were morons as well. I hope you do find a great one that will make her look foolish in court.

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Ugh D that STINKS. What a b!tch.

If the agreement says this:

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Custody would probably be tough...If I am recalling correctly, your SD is of the age where she can give her own input, so unless she would be onboard with it, you may just be spinning your wheels...Its also a very lengthy and expensive process from what I have heard ...Maybe a law guardian can be appointed and the BM's poor parenting and lack of care can be shown!

That still does not mean that you cannot refute the financial aspect of this situation...So frusturated for you

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Posted by Bops

Custody would probably be tough...If I am recalling correctly, your SD is of the age where she can give her own input, so unless she would be onboard with it, you may just be spinning your wheels...Its also a very lengthy and expensive process from what I have heard ...Maybe a law guardian can be appointed and the BM's poor parenting and lack of care can be shown!

That still does not mean that you cannot refute the financial aspect of this situation...So frusturated for you

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Isn't this a good thing though? The BM is bringing you to court so she has to pay all the fees etc? (I could be naive here)

She is bringing you to court for these things, BUT she won't be able to get it because you can defend your side right?

They might just adjust her cost of living to be lower, no?

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

From what I undersand... and I don't understand most things correctly... LOL... Once the child turns 18 and has full time employment, gets, married, or turns age of emancipation before any of the other events happen, the non-custodial, child-support paying parent, must take the other parent to court to have the payments officially stopped. I don't think you can just automatically stop because of what it says in the papers...

I definitely may be wrong here... but that's how I understood it.

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

How old is SD? It might not monitarily be worth it to sue for custoday. However, it might put some fear into BM. And the others are right about SD having a say if she is old enough.

I think it's crazy what BM does. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this stuff.

And to think there are SOOO many father's out there who don't give a penny!! And she seems to have a really good father who pays even through his hardships. Yet she is compelled to take advantage of him still. It's sad.

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

I'm so sorry she's doing this to you and your family!! I'm sure she won't get anything out of it but it's an extra PITA that you guys don't need. I don't have any recs for you, but maybe try x-posting this on the Relationship board and seeing if anyone recently divorced or currently going through one has a good lawyer you can use.

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

http://www.fathersrightsinny.com/child-support.php

http://www.divorcelawyerlongisland.com/practice-areas/custody/

good luck, what a horror for you guys!

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

send me an FM tomorrow if you want. A client of mine had a great "shark" of an attorney for both custody and divorce. I worked with this other attorney to make sure that our mutual client maintained some sort of health insurance. I promised myself that I would save her name and contact info for when someone really needed it. She was tough and very smart!!

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Posted by Bops

Oh man !!!!

I wish I had a decent attorney to reccomend to you, both of our were morons ....I have researched attorneys that specialized in fathers rights a while back and came across Sari Friedman...

[http://www.sarilaw.com/Family_Law/Fathers_Rights.aspx

So sorry you are dealing with this

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Sorry i'm no help but BM sounds like a real b*tch! Thats alot of CS. Its great that you were able to send those pymts even when your DH was unemployed. When my DHs ex had another baby by someone else she tried to have SD order increased but the judge kept it the same. Hopefully you'll have the same outcome.

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

wow, i can't believe she would even want to draw attention to the situation - if the divorce decree states that he doesn't have to pay cs when the child is 18 or working a full time job -he's not continuing education than the cs should be lowered.

how old is sd???

although - i don't think there is any need for a shark of an attorney - because i really don't think she has a leg to stand on...


i think the truth speaks for itself in this one - and i have had a lot of experience with family court................
unfortunately...

Message edited 12/23/2009 7:56:33 PM.

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Posted by MrsSteflily

Posted by Bops

Oh man !!!!

I wish I had a decent attorney to reccomend to you, both of our were morons ....I have researched attorneys that specialized in fathers rights a while back and came across Sari Friedman...

[http://www.sarilaw.com/Family_Law/Fathers_Rights.aspx

So sorry you are dealing with this

She's awesome. A friend of mine used her. She is a father's right advocate and does a lot of work for the National Father's Rights Assoc.

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

I wouldnt try to go for custody...

It's only going to look as though you are going for custody b/c of the child support issue...

I would, however, file a counter petition trying to have the amount of child support decreased...

You need to be careful though. If she has a leg to stand on you may be liable for her legal fees is your DH is found in noncompliance as per the divorce papers....

Did she file the petition herself or did an attorney do it for her?

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Posted by AnaMaree77

Posted by cgdg61606

From what I undersand... and I don't understand most things correctly... LOL... Once the child turns 18 and has full time employment, gets, married, or turns age of emancipation before any of the other events happen, the non-custodial, child-support paying parent, must take the other parent to court to have the payments officially stopped. I don't think you can just automatically stop because of what it says in the papers...

I definitely may be wrong here... but that's how I understood it.

^^ This is correct. You can't just stop paying (or change) your payments until there is a court order, no matter what. DH's ex has an eldest son who DH adoped when they got married. She claimed she didn't know who the father was and that she was "raped" so my DH felt bad and adopted the kid. Once they split up, she "miraculously!!" found the kids father and moved him into the house. The courts ordered my DH to continue paying child support because even though the kid was living with his biological father, DH was still his legal adopted father. Once he turned 18, DH stopped paying support for him so all of a sudden (another miracle) he was going to college so DH would still have to pay. We knew he wasn't attending college but DH's attorney advised us that it didn't matter, we had to prove it in court.

So...outcome....it cost us over $9,000 in court fees to have this kid emancipated. We would have been better off paying the extra child support. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just want to say that the court system sucks and you are not alone.

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

Just wanted to say a few things based on experience in a similiar situation in the Suffolk County system:

1. If there is a court order regarding child support, it doesn't matter what the divorce decree says. Any change in circumstances would warrent a new order from child support. If you do not request the payments to be changed, they expect you to pay them & if you do get them changed, it will only be from the date of the filing of the petition for change and not from the time you think you should not have been paying.

2. DO NOT BELIEVE THAT A TEENAGER HAS THE RIGHT TO HAVE THEIR SAY IN WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM! My DH was awarded custody of his DD's when they were 17 and 12 and totally wanted to stay living with her. She didn't do anything horrible but was certainly not properly raising them & wanted to move to PA. BM was given two choices (the Judge didn't even want to talk to the girls since it was clear that they were very influenced by her & she was the "easy" parent without rules, etc. so of course they wanted to live with her) - either stay in NY & continue joint custody or move to PA & DH gets custody. THe latter is what happened.

The attorney who handled this is Clifford Petroske - he's in Bohemia. I can get his number if you need it. He is good & a nice person.

Re: O.M.G. (need help!!!!)

I have retained an attorney, and i am very hopeful!! Thank you all for your much needed support