Swaying? (Changing your mind)

Ok, so first off let me say I NEVER that I would be posting this! - EVER.

I have always, always since I was a teenager said I don't want kids. Then when my mom had my sisters (they are 7 & 12 now), I still said NOPE no kids.

For the past year of my marriage, Nope no kids. Yet, I find myself lurking on the pregnancy board, thinking it might be nice some day etc... DH is 'fine either way'. If I ever changed my mind, he has said he would want us to own a house first.

I have no idea when my emotions started swaying, but suddenly it doesn't sound like a bad idea to be a mom.

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

Kimmmmmmmmmmmmm! I'm amazed at this post!

I think its natural to have some swaying here and there. You see others in such joy/bliss being pregnant and being so in love with their kids and you think "oh man that would be great to have too."

I've always been the kind that didn't want kids also, since I was a teenager. But then meeting DH I realized that maybe I just didn't have anyone worth having kids with, until him. He is the first person that ever made me consider having children...because of the AMAZING father I know he will be.

Eventually DH and I will probably start TTC, but I always hear that teenager in me saying "why do you NEED kids?" But then I look at DH and think "man how could I NOT want kids with this man?" It's quite the struggle....and I've had some hard talks with myself, DH, friends, family about it, because it just seems like that hardest decision to make cause I'm so damn stubborn. Then I ask myself "Shouldn't this be an EASY decision? *****?" lol

Don't feel bad about swaying, you never know what you will choose, and its okay to have that uncertainty.

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

Thanks MJ!!
I think you know exactly where I am coming from! I am glad that I am not going crazy!
when we are pregnant (or rather someday / IF) it is going to be a big shocker for a bunch of people.

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

I agree with the previous poster. I think its natural to start asking this of yourselves.

I've always been staunchly against having kids my whole life. Part of what made dh and I click was that he felt the same. Intermittently through the time we've been together I would ask dh "are you sure you don't want kids? I don't want you to wake up one day and regret it". And he'd reassure me he didnt, but that if I wanted kids, I'd have to do all the work LOL!! And he meant it!

Once in a while I wonder if i'll regret my decision. Then I remember how badly we want to retire early, and how much we love our impromptu getaways. Not to mention we both have parents that are not well and need our attention. If I had kids I would feel so guilty that I couldn't give my parents the attention and help they need with their medical issues on a daily basis.

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

Posted by Mushesgirl

And he'd reassure me he didnt, but that if I wanted kids, I'd have to do all the work LOL!! And he meant it!

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

When my sisters started having kids, I started to waffle on the idea. They were so much fun, we had so much to share with them and teach them, it feels good to be adored and depended on, etc.

After some hard thought though, I realized that what I liked was the novelty. When I was honest with myself about it, it was more about selfish desires! What children would do for ME, not the other way around. I always chuckle at the idea that some might find me selfish for choosing a childfree life, when it's actually just the opposite. Having children for the wrong reasons is what stopped me.

I'm not in any way suggesting that that is what's happening with you. But I know that my mind didn't start changing back until I saw the struggles they went through and got a dose of reality. The novelty has completely worn off.

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

Yes! I just have no clue what I really want. I've changed my mind probably hundreds of times on the issue... from NO WAY to PROBABLY NOT to MAYBE to NO to YES to NO to MAYBE... etc. etc. and round and round I go. It doesn't help that DH is sort of indifferent about the whole thing. Definitely one of the top toughest decisions in our future!

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

Sometimes, but then I read the other boards, and there are 2 very long threads, that make me stick to my choice!!!

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

I am the opposite...when i was younger I always said I wanted to get married & have a family. Then in my mid 20's all my friends got married..a few years later they all had kids...and i saw the reality of it all and was like "hell no"...not that kids aren't great, it just wasn't for me! But i think it's great to keep an open mind and sway...you are a woman..changing your mind is our prerogative!!!

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

Thanks for the responces. I am glad that other couples have had the same thoughts. I just was blown away to 'dsicover' these feelings.

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

Follow what your heart tells you, what is right for you and DH.

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

oh i look at the other boards and think, ah yea this isn't for me right now. Dh is getting ready but he is 7 years older then me. I told him when our house is safe then i might consider it, oddly enough he started working 10-11 hour days again and 6 days a week. I might have to insert foot in mouth if we get all the work done in a years time!

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

i change my mind a lot....i know id like to have kids one day...my DH and i both thought that after buying our house we'd want to start trying - we were kind of planning for this spring/summer to get pregnant...but we are both enjoying things so much that we don't want to change things just yet - we like it the way it is with just the two of us...but a few months ago i couldn't wait and now i feel like i could wait forever

i say i dont want to try until i know i am 100% ready but now that i am married and in a house i dont think ill ever be 100% ready

i think it's normal to have different feelings about it when you are at different stages in your life...i thought for sure i'd be preggers already and now i don't want any part of it!

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

I sway back and forth with my decision as well. It's kind of unnerving. Growing up I always vehemently said I did not want to have kids. I was sure of myself and of my desires. I even told DH very early in our relationship that if he wanted kids, he needed to be with someone else. It's only been the past couple of years that I think I may want kids. Some days, I really want to have them and other days I say "what the heck am I thinking?" You are definitely not alone

Re: Swaying? (Changing your mind)

Thanks for all the replies! I really appreciate it. I am so glad I put this out there. I don't feel so alone now, or crazy!

All kidding aside, THANKS!!!