Fertility now? Help!

I will be 45 in 2 months so I am also starting fertility testing because of my age. I am afraid to start a job while dealing with fertility, hormones and pregnancy with no time accrued for maternity leave?

The story is, I finally met MR. Right and we will marry in 5 months. He moved in with mom and I to save money for this wedding. Mom is helping too. I am not working and hate not contributing. How can I start a job while planning a wedding when I won't get any time off a day or two before the wedding and a few days after for a get away?

Also, Mom can be difficult to live with at times and my fiance feels like a guest, hates the fighting and drama which is no good for me either, and it's affecting him. DH wants to move out but he can't support us both.

I have been laid off for over a year. I have had such bad work experiences this past decade so I have gaps and now my graphics skills are dried up and I have no confidence so honestly, I don't try. I get too anxious.

This is too much. I hate job searching when I feel like my resume has gaps and I am under qualified yet I feel pressure to help pay for the wedding and afford to move out but I worry about losing the job with the wedding distractions so close and then fertility and maternity leave?

DH says to take it one day at a time but I feel discouraged and strung out. The news about the economy makes me feel even worse to get just a p/t job. My COBRA health coverage ends soon, before I get married and I need health coverage. I feel so screwed at a time I should be happy about this wedding I've always wanted and such a great guy.

I feel so afraid that I won't get a job or lose the job with all on my plate. I need help with this. Perhaps it's my anxious thoughts caught in a vicious cycle I can't see any way out of. Any good therapeutic advice? I am stuck.

Re: Fertility now? Help!

Either get a job and be responsible so that you can contribute, get a place to live together, and pay for your own wedding OR don't work and forget even trying to have a big wedding and live with his mother along with him. I don't really see the dilemma here. Everyone I know has planned a wedding while working and if you have your date set and you tell a potential employer up front about your wedding/honeymoon plans they don't usually have any issues with you having the time off. As far as your resume......if you're concerned about all the gaps and you're not sure how to present your resume so it looks solid then go to a resume writing service and have them help you tweak it and make it look good.

I think you need to take things one thing at a time here. Worry about the pregnancy when the time comes..........right now you have no job, no money, no place to live together, and you're trying to pay for a wedding. Start at square one..........get a job and then take everything else as it comes.

Message edited 1/14/2010 11:00:51 AM.

Re: Fertility now? Help!

ITA with Hofstra!! Your main concern at the moment should be getting a job to help pay for the wedding, while I was planning my wedding I was out of a job and the only reason I was able to get by was bc while I was working I had saved $$ towards the wedding while I was living at home. As far as the gaps in your resume, is there a reason for the gaps, did u go back to school? My resume had gaps but only bc I quit my job to get my BA, my resume lists all my education so anytime I have interviewed they see the time has been accounted for. I think many people these days have gaps bc the economy has been so bad. If you have alot of gaps I would consider working with a resume service. I think any job (supermarket, bank, etc) might help at this time.

I also want to add that I think it's great you're seeing a fertility dr so that when the time comes you are prepared but I would definitely focus on what's happening right now so that you don't stress yourself out too much.

Good Luck, hope you find a job!!

PS...you can always try to cut little things out of the wedding (they add up)

Re: Fertility now? Help!

Yes, I have cut the little things out of the wedding. My mom and fiancee are mostly paying with the help of my sister so I am lucky in that way. Yes, many women have planned their wedding while working but they were most likely in the job and past the probationary time and have proven themselves. It will be tough to start a job when I, as excited as I get, will have so many distractions. I am that way. The past few jobs were so micromanaged and I never make it past the probationary period. Maybe it's the wrong fit. I need to work independently and am a creative type that can't be forced behind a desk not to move or talk all day.

I think a career counselor is in order for my resume and to help me determine whether to go back to school, which will take time and money I don't have, so I have a skill and be in the right environment. I can't sit behind a desk all day or stifle my larger than life personality as a people person. I can also get help with my resume.

Ok. This is like talk therapy. I will probably feel less screwed if I had some more money coming in to relieve the stress.
Thanks for the input.

Re: Fertility now? Help!

ITA with the previous posters. When DH and I were planning our wedding i was out of a job for a while, I took a temping job that closed it's doors so i was forced to get a job 4 months before getting married. I was already contributing to the wedding but i was worried about having to take time off before and after the wedding. I started my new job less than 4 months of getting married and i was upfront and honest at the interview. I told them i was getting married and going on a 2 week honeymoon and would need a day and a half off the 2 days before the wedding. I still got the job. I just didnt get paid for the honeymoon.

While i think it's great that you are going for the fertility testing, i think you should make your main focus on finding a job. If you get PG quickly then it happens. As long as you are doing your job and you're good at it, your new job should be ok with it.

Good luck!

Re: Fertility now? Help!

Re: Fertility now? Help!

I started a new job after I got engaged and moved to NY from MD. While I was distracted, my job came first, the wedding is 1 day.

Re: Fertility now? Help!