Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

I apologize in advance for the elusive name. I used to be a fairly regular poster on the TTC board under a different name. I haven’t been on in a couple of months because I found myself becoming way too obsessive and I also had some other personal non TTC related issues going on, so DH and I had decided to take a break and just “see what happens”. Well here I am, and nothing has happened much to my disappointment. I decided that the LI Families members were the best support and advice I could get short of calling my doctor every week. I am using an anonymous name for now, but I hope to be comfortable enough to go back to my regular account soon. Here is my situation and thank you to anyone who reads through this.

DH and I have been “trying” for almost 7 months. I use the quotes because DH doesn’t like to use that term and he thinks that things will happen when they are meant to happen. I, on the other hand am a realist and understand that getting pregnant is not the easiest thing in the world, and many factors can affect ones chances. I was at one point using OPK’s and checking CM, but DH started to get upset because he felt like I was “using” him only for one thing. I should also add that I have never been on BC, and my cycles, though sometimes very heavy and painful, are pretty regular (about 25-27 days). I was at first very concerned with the heavy bleeding and sometimes rather large clots, but when I went to the doctor, he did an internal sonogram and said he saw no reason why I should not be able to get pregnant, although there are some things that can go undetected without the proper tests. I have kept track of my periods on My Monthly Cycles for quite some time, so I have a pretty good idea of when I’m ovulating (if I am at all). It seems to me that there have been many cycles, where timing and BD was perfect and still AF shows up right on time. I was told to come back to my doctor after 6 months if I could not hold out for a year. He said that he did not want to put me through any unnecessary tests because they can be very invasive and sometimes painful, and that the first thing to rule out would be DH’s count. DH and I had a chat and he said that if nothing happens in the next month, he will try one of those at home tests and we can take it from there. I would like to buy the test so that we have it ready to go, but I’m not really sure which, if any, are reliable and accurate, and where to even get them from. That’s my first question. My second question is, what is the next step I should take if DH’s counts come back low on an at home SA? Do I call my OB/GYN or does DH call his regular Dr.?

I would really appreciate any advice that you can spare. I understand that this is a very sensitive issue with many girls on this board so thanks again for taking the time to read through this and for any help you can offer.

Lots of & to you all!

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

First off -

With that being said....

DH and I were trying for about 6 months before I talked to my OB about further testing. I was on BC and without it my cycles were irregular. So I thought that it was me that was having the "issues" My OB wrote me a script for DH to have an SA done at the lab before starting anything more then bloodwork with me. Low and behold - when DH had the SA done, his morphology was EXTREMELY low - only 1% normal. His count was borderline low and his motility was on the low end of normal.

He started taking Fertilaid vitamins as well as pycnogenol. After about 3 months we repeated the SA and his morphology went up to 31% !! His count went up slightly as well.

LOL - point of my story - DH wanted to do an at home test but with those it wouldn't have picked up the morphology issues. That and we would have had to pay for it 100%. With the SA we had done at the labs (one at North Shore Manhasset and one at Quest in Syosset) we didn't pay anything. He was able to produce the sample at home (with assistance ) but I had to have it to the lab within an hour.

Honestly, I think that it would be the better thing to do. That's IMO - but if you get the at home test and you read it wrong - either for the good or bad - then you might subject yourself to tests that you don't need to have - or you won't be having tests done that you should be having.

Am I making any sense?

Good Luck with whatever you decide to do !!

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

i dont have much information on the at home tests bc my DH and I are headed right towards IVF/PGD bc i have an inherited disease i don't want to pass on to my children.

that being said, i am not sure how accurate an at home fertility test would be. definitely have your DH call his doctor and maybe get a referal to a Urologist? The tests that do are much more accurate.

maybe you should talk to your OBGYN about the blood tests that you can do,. they aren't painful at all and might be able to shed some light as to what's going on. Maybe they can take CD3 bloods to see where your fsh, e2, and LH levels are

again, i started this whole process in a strange way and kindof backwards, but from reading what other people have written and from going through some of it myself, that seems like the best place to start!

best of luck to you!!

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

first off to you.

I went to my regular OB/GYN re: infertility after DH and I were trying for close to 1 year. He was able to write a script for DH to get a SA, as long as you take it to a lab that participates in your health plan it is covered.

At home fertility tests may not be as accurate since the lab checks for different things with the SA.

So I would start with a phone call or visit to your doctor. They will be able to write the script for DH to have a SA done. Other than that there are bloodtests and other tests that I honestly can't give advice on b/c all we have had so far are blood test and SA.

Good Luck!

Message edited 2/3/2010 2:28:56 PM.

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

I know with some men it is a pride thing, but I agree with PP's, that the SA done in a lab is definitely more accurate than the at home and look for different things.

I had to talak DH into going, but it was fairly easy becasue he wanted a baby. Now his counts are OK, but his motility is low and I am not sure an at home test would find that.

I think a heart to heart is in order, you both need to be able to listen to one anothers concerns about this and while an "It'll happen when it's supposed to happen" attitude is great, if there is something wrong, you could be delaying the inevitable. Hopefully everything will work out and you will get PG naturally, but if it were me I would ask DH to get an SA done by a uroligist.

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

No intrusion...we're all here for each other.

First, you are heading in the right direction. By following your cycle, tempting, taking notes, all of that info is very important. But, you didn't mention OPK's or the CBE monitor. Have you used them before? Could be helpful, even as a back up. I had tried for months or so and then bought the CBE monitor and was prengnant after the 2nd month of using it. It's so simple to use too!
Second, since it did take DH and I 7 months we weren't really concerned. I had heard over and over again that it takes an average of 6 months to conceive. So try not to get too stressed.
Third, like PP's said, your DH can go to a Urologist for a sperm analysis, if your OB/GYN doesn't provide a script for you.
Fourth, if you are truly feeling concerned you can have a consulltation with an RE. Your OB or even some ladies will tell you to wait longer (only b/c its very involved) but you don't have too. I went to the 1st one exactly 1 year of TTC and 5 months after my 1st miscarriage.

Hope this helps and best of luck with everything for you and your DH.

ETA!

Message edited 2/3/2010 6:08:04 PM.

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

How old are you? That may play a difference in how fast you want to progress. Def if your over 30 and have been TTC for almost a year then you should see a fertility md. So worth it! And I also agree to skip the home stuff and go for professional monitering. Why waste time.
DH will get on board - its different for them - they dont have the same clock ticking as we do! I remember several arguments about this and it took a while to get him to see how important it was to me and that although I didnt let it consume me it was there with me all the time.

Also hun, try to enjoy your life, including ur sex life as much as possible. The more we obsess about it the worse it gets I think. Of course you want to and of course its an concern, but I have alwasy tried to focus on what I do have not what I dont. Other wise it can overwhelm you, and you dont want to add more stress to this situation or your relationship. I find that most men are much more willing to participate when they arent being pused too much - and when we meet them half way. Have some "good times " just for the hell of it! I dont believe that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach - I think its a bit lower!
Use us to vent any time - totally not an intrusion - we know exactly where your coming from!
good luck!

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

Thank you all for your wonderful responses. This really is a great board of women!!!

I think I agree with regards to the at home vs in office SA. I'm going to see if I can make DH see reason. I have decided to try OPK's this month one last time. If that doesnt work, then I am going to have DH do the SA and meanwhile, I am going to invest in the CBEFM and try that. If I don't have any luck by Mother's Day, I am going to take the next step and speak to my OB/GYM about going to an RE.

Now, that I have a plan, let's see if I can actually carry it out without all the break downs and tears

Thanks again for your thoughtfulness and lots of .

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

Posted by marleyhope

How old are you? That may play a difference in how fast you want to progress. Def if your over 30 and have been TTC for almost a year then you should see a fertility md. So worth it! And I also agree to skip the home stuff and go for professional monitering. Why waste time.
DH will get on board - its different for them - they dont have the same clock ticking as we do! I remember several arguments about this and it took a while to get him to see how important it was to me and that although I didnt let it consume me it was there with me all the time.

Also hun, try to enjoy your life, including ur sex life as much as possible. The more we obsess about it the worse it gets I think. Of course you want to and of course its an concern, but I have alwasy tried to focus on what I do have not what I dont. Other wise it can overwhelm you, and you dont want to add more stress to this situation or your relationship. I find that most men are much more willing to participate when they arent being pused too much - and when we meet them half way. Have some "good times " just for the hell of it! I dont believe that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach - I think its a bit lower!
Use us to vent any time - totally not an intrusion - we know exactly where your coming from!
good luck!

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

Anytime! I totally understand how you feel about the let downs! Its hard and we all have gone through it!

There is a light at the end of the tunnel - even if we cant see it now I believe that doors always open when they should and Im sure yours will too!

We tried for 8 years! Starting when I was 30. Did med cycles, then took a break. Saved up money for IVF - 1st one failed, Took a break.
got pregnant 3 times on our own - one was right after the 1st failed IVF but lost it at 9 weeks. Incredibly sad and devistating. then had an ectopic and a blighted ovum (a sac but no baby)
We just finished our 1st Frozen transfer with Dr. Braverman and BAM! Pregnant!
All labs a rising perfectly and things are good so far.
But there were times during the past 8 years when I felt just like you - like why bother, this sucks and F- it all!
but I just tried to keep those times to a minimum - its ok to have a pity party once in a while! But ya know during the ectopic they treat you with chemo meds so I had to go on the chemo transfusion wing and GIRL! that put my *** in check! I realized that I was healthy and that although everyone has a right to grieve through their struggles I still have a lot to be thankful for. I went home and prayed and gave thanks for LIFE and My DH and my dogies. And was so thankful that I only needed one dose of that damn Methotrexate.

Anwyay - Im rooting for you and trust that when you find the right Dr. and get some answers you'll feel better. Just because you get some answers dosent mean you have to do anything right now either- tel ur DH that. Sound lke he wants to take it slow - Oh man that was SOO my DH! Irritated the crap out of me! but here we are both totally on board and very excited.
Things work out all in their own time.
Good luck! Im praying for you and hope things get easier for you.

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

I also wanted to add that my DH thought I was nuts when I first wanted to see the dr. b/c we weren'te getting pregnant, he too thought it will happen when it happens, he didn't understand that I had the early stages of cervical cancer just 3 years ago, am pushing 35, etc. so I gave it a few more months and of course - nothing, so then he came around and understood that there may be a medical problem here.

So what I am trying to say is, your DH will realize it as well when things are not happening and he will be on board with all the testing since you both want the same thing in the end - a baby.

GL!

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

Posted by Just4Now

Posted by marleyhope

How old are you? That may play a difference in how fast you want to progress. Def if your over 30 and have been TTC for almost a year then you should see a fertility md. So worth it! And I also agree to skip the home stuff and go for professional monitering. Why waste time.
DH will get on board - its different for them - they dont have the same clock ticking as we do! I remember several arguments about this and it took a while to get him to see how important it was to me and that although I didnt let it consume me it was there with me all the time.

Also hun, try to enjoy your life, including ur sex life as much as possible. The more we obsess about it the worse it gets I think. Of course you want to and of course its an concern, but I have alwasy tried to focus on what I do have not what I dont. Other wise it can overwhelm you, and you dont want to add more stress to this situation or your relationship. I find that most men are much more willing to participate when they arent being pused too much - and when we meet them half way. Have some "good times " just for the hell of it! I dont believe that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach - I think its a bit lower!
Use us to vent any time - totally not an intrusion - we know exactly where your coming from!
good luck!

I am turning 30 this summer so although I am not that far in yet, I am a little concerned about my biological clock ticking.
You are 100% right about enjoying life. This is where my problem started back in the fall and also what helped lead to taking a break. Unfortunately, it is always in the back of my mind no matter what. I've been pretty relaxed the past few months and just trying to let nature take its course. But somehow, as my cycle would come to an end, I couldn't help but feel that glimmer of hope and then disappointment. I just don't want to wait too long to find out that we do in fact need a little help and then have to prolong even more. I'm hoping that it doesnt come to that but whatever it is, my goal is to stay strong and remember that right now, my marriage and my health is the most important thing.

Thanks for the advice

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

I am so sorry you are going thru this. I would talk to your husband - maybe he thinks that he would have to produce the sample in the lab. That is not the case at all. He doesn't even have to show his face there. You can get the script from your doc and you can drop the sample off at the lab. As others have said you can even help him produce it! To me, that would be the same as him taking the at home test. You will get much more accurate results of the testing if you do it thru a reputable lab. Good luck!

Re: Could use a little help - sorry to intrude

So DH and I had a heart to heart last night over dinner and boy do I feel SO much better. He told me he hates to see me get so upset and that this month we will really "try". It was so cute because he actually calculated in his head when I would ovulate. He agreed that this month we should use the OPK's and I should let him know when I get my smiley so that he can be ready . And then if this month doesnt work, he will do a SA but that we should not worry about that until next month if we have to. I'm so happy to have him fully on board . Thanks again for sharing all of your thoughts and well wishes with me.