Sharing Infertility with Others?

Is there anyone on here who is not sharing their struggles with friends and family? My husband would like to talk about it with his family and some of his close friends and I think I might just want my family to know.
How is everyone else handling it?

Re: Sharing Infertility with Others?

Most people I know know about my struggles. It was basically a miracle that I conceived DD on my own, and I tell everybody that.

Re: Sharing Infertility with Others?

my friends and family know about my situation

i had to do IVF for PGD bc i have an inherited disease that i didnt want to pass along to my children

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i have shared my infertility with everyone including the people at work... this way when i have a re appt, they know i am not cutting out of work. its easier than trying to hide something.

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I am thinking I am going to have to let people at work know. How else would I explain why I am late for monitoring, etc?
I think we are going to discuss it with our families as well. I think the more support, the better.
Thank you for your responses, everyone!

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All our family and friends know that we have fertility issues (our issues stem from my DH having testicular cancer and then we discovered that his counts were low). Everyone is very supportive too! But for some reason we don't want to tell anyone about our treatments yet... this month will be our second IUI cycle.

If we get pregnant then we won't have a problem sharing the news and even how it happened (after a few months of course!), but for now we have both decided not to tell anyone about any IUIs. Like I said, I don't know why we are keeping silent, our family and friends are actually incredibly supportive. I think it's just that we know so many people that have had so many issues... I just don't want the added 'pressure' of everyone's expectations at this moment.

That's why I love this board and sharing these things here!!

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I told my boss so she knows when i come in a little late some mornings what it's all about. DH did the same with his boss.

Our parents know, and one or two close friends. That's about it.

no one else even knows we're trying - and considering we've been at it for almost 15 months so far, i'm glad we didn't tell too many people we were trying. Last thing i want is well meaning, but unwanted 'advice' from people who have no idea what they're talking about

Telling family and close friends is good for the support though

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No one in our families knows. Although they probably suspect as much by now.
Only a couple of our close friends know.

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When we were going through IF treatments, I only told my family and a few of my close girlfriends. We decided not to tell DH family (still haven't) because they are not supportive and we don't have a good relationship with them. I think it all really depends on the relationship you have with people you want to tell.

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I don't share my infertility issues with anyone but my husband.... I don't think that it's anyone's business but ours. I'm a private person in general and from experience I have learned that the less I share with people that I know the better off I am at the end. People tend to get to nosy and I simply cannot stand that When I share too much information I always end up regreting it. My mom and sister know that we are trying to have a baby, but I'm not willing to let them in on all the fertility treatments that we are planning to undergo. I find it easier this way, because I don't need to keep explaining my self to everyone. Plus, it would add more stress to my life...Two couples at my work had made it known to everyone there that they had ivf. One couple was successful and the other wasn't...A couple of years have already gone by since that time and people still talk about it in a low tone voice like they did something wrong But it is totally up to your personality and how much of your private life you are willing to share with others I just think that fertility treatments can add a lot of stress to ones life. If sharing with others makes this journey easier on you, then you should do it by all means
Good Luck on your journey and lots of

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My friends and family know about our situation. Through talking to them about it, I realized that I am not the only one that has been going through this! 3 of my cousins and 2 friends are all going through the same thing and its really nice to talk about it with people who know what you are going through.

Infertility is a very depressing subject and if I kept it all inside, I think it would destroy me. I really don't feel like it should be something to hide, but everyone is different.

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DH and I haven't told anyone in our families. I have only told one friend and not my closest friend - just one that I knew wouldn't ask me about it and would be really supportive only when I needed it most. We decided when we started TTC that we were going to keep that to ourselves, and the issues we have faced we decided to keep to ourselves as well. Once I get a BFP I will probably tell the whole story. My main reason for not telling is that I don't want them asking about it constantly - which is the same reason we didn't tell them when we were initially TTC. I know they mean well and care but if I'm not in the mood to talk about it and they ask I know myself and I know I would be mean and curt about it - so I just decided not to tell. DH constantly asks me if I want to talk about it - but in the end my mom had babies easily, and DH's did when she was young but went through some fertility treatments when she was older to have DH's two siblings (there's a 13 and 15 year gap between DH and his youngest siblings). Anyway to make a long story short I don't know anyone who i think would really understand - and for me personally I don't see the benefit of talking to someone that won't understand.

Message edited 3/16/2010 8:28:47 PM.

Re: Sharing Infertility with Others?

Some family knows, some close friends, and some people at work.

I find it helps talking about it IRL ... Plus, like some others have said, it's helpful for people at work to know the situation so they know you aren't cutting out early or irresponsibly coming in late some days..... I teach, and my principal knows my situation. He is SO supportive about my appts- all I do is tell him which periods I need coverage for and he tells me to go ahead and mark it down, no questions asked.

As far as my friends..... I chose who to tell on a 'need to know' basis. I have some friends who I know would blab about my issues to other people- and to those people I didn't mention it to. However---- I did make that mistake with one friend and I am SURE she has mentioned it to other people. I mean.. she is always telling ME other people's business, so I have no doubt she has gossiped about my situation. I told her at a weak moment Oh well.... I don't regret telling anyone else though!

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I have told family and my closest friends. In the beginning it was hard since I had to explain EVERYTHING!, but it has gotten easier as time went on. I need to talk, to vent and I can do all of that with my friends and family. I could never keep it together if I didn't.

Also, my DH sleeps during the day so I don't always have him to talk to when I go the Dr, or get the phone call with news.

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I told my family & PART of DH's. Also, two people at work (I needed coverage last minute... which you def. need if you go IVF route & they kind of figured it out after seeing all the medical work being done).

Other part of DH's family is not really supportive. DH decided NOT to tell.

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Our struggle has been going on for a couple years now, so everybody knows by now. It was hard to keep lying about dr appointments and procedures.
Everyone is very suuportive.

Message edited 3/17/2010 10:20:03 AM.

Re: Sharing Infertility with Others?

DH, Dr. B and you guys

Just not ready to share.

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I decided to share with my family and friends after my ectopic pregnancy (I had an emergency surgery and I just couldn't hide it).

Sometimes I find it comforting to have the support and other times I find it more stressful. Providing updates and somehow comforting them that we're okay - it's all very exhausting. Also, if I hear "just relax and it'll happen..." one more time - I might puke. I know everyone means well but its getting old.

I do find confiding in other couples that have gone through this VERY therapeutic. We have a few friends that have been successful and they're our rock for when times are down.

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Everyone knows we are having trouble (especially after 4 years). In the beginning I made the mistake of telling everyone when we were cycling. And every failed cycle was worse because I had to tell my parents and in-laws etc... Hated that they were so excited for us and then I had to tell them the bad news.

Now they know we are doing stuff, they dont' know what and they never know when now. I tell them way after the fact. I do look forward to one day telling them all good news.

I hope we can all do that soon too!!!

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I have told quite a few people and would tell more if the opportunity arose! I find it comforting to share our struggles, and to share my thoughts about everything we are dealing with.

My immediate family knows (mom, dad, bro, SIL), about 6 or 7 friends, and a few co-worker friends. If anyone asks, I tell them. Since we already have a DD, the question of #2 comes up frequently. The only one I pretty much haven't told is my school custodian -- I figure I can just blow off his totally inappropriate questions!

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I find it interesting that some people have no problem just talking about IF issues. I think I was in denial at first and didnt want to tell anyone. I find it hard to talk to anyone even when I found out my SIL has been on this journey for some time. I am glad that I have this forum to share my feelings and thoughts. My family may know when i get my BFP one day that we took our time and made a baby or it was a longer tougher jouney. Time wiil tell.

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My family knows, a couple of our friends, and 3 people at work know (2 because I had to make decisions about insurance and 1 because she has been down the IF road and has been so helpful). At first I wanted TTC to be a secret as well, but I find it really nice to have everyone's support when we need it.

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We kept quiet until we moved onto IVF.

The only one that knew anything though was my sister as we are very close.

Once we moved onto IVF I felt the need to come out to both our families. I felt like IVF is such a big deal that we both really needed the additional support. I was taking a real toll on DH due to how emotional and stressed I was over it, he on the other hand didn't have that outlet since he wanted and felt he needed to be strong for me. So it helped to have others to talk to if he wanted.

In the end, for us... we felt we should have just kept our mouths shut, because we started to feel additional pressure by our families knowing. When my first IVF resulted in a miscarriage, my normally very supportive and understanding family, wasn't so supportive and understanding. When we went onto our next cycle, we kept it quiet and I just kept telling my family when they would ask what was going on, that we were taking some time to recover and give my body a break.

We did the same with this pregnancy. The only one that knew we were doing a FET was my MIL and as she came to help take care of my daughter while I had my transfer done and she stayed with us for a few days since I wasn't allowed to lift and carry my daughter.

Re: Sharing Infertility with Others?

Posted by maybemommy10

DH, Dr. B and you guys

Just not ready to share.