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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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NY Mag Article
preaching to the choir; not sure I agree with the conclusion tho:
All Joy and No Fun
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Posted 7/10/10 4:26 PM  |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
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Re: NY Mag Article
The article made two points that really resonated with me:
Love for your child isn't the same thing as love for the act of parenting.
&
"“We’ve put all this energy into being perfect parents,” says Judith Warner, author of Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, “instead of political change that would make family life better.”"
Really a good read!
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| Posted 7/12/10 8:48 AM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: NY Mag Article
huh, that was a pretty interesting read.
As I parent, Ive actually said before in conversation that I love being someones mother, but sometimes I hate doing it.
It made some very interesting points and observations.
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| Posted 7/12/10 3:04 PM |
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Andrewz00
Look! I changed it!
Member since 4/10 1789 total posts
Name:
Andrew
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Re: NY Mag Article
i think i may just get this tattooed on my arm for people who keep asking "when are you having kids?" to read....
"Most people assume that having children will make them happier. Yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers, and in many cases are less so."
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| Posted 7/12/10 3:41 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
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Re: NY Mag Article
Sorry for butting in here. I read this article the other day and it was certainly an interesting read. I am curious,however, as to who these parents are thaat are so miserable. Yes, I have bad days but I had bad days when I was single and when I was childfree too.
In general I feel I lead a pretty balanced life. I take a lot of time for myself and I spend time with the kids. I have a career, travel, excercise, go out to eat, shop for what I want (within reason), etc.
I think in general there is a perception (by parents and non-parents alike) that parenting means giving up your life. I do not think this has to be the case and I think it is really a finction of finding balance in one's life. Something which I feel is important regardless of your reproductive status.
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| Posted 7/12/10 4:45 PM |
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dfw343
LIF Infant
Member since 7/10 246 total posts
Name:
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Re: NY Mag Article
Posted by stickydust
Sorry for butting in here. I read this article the other day and it was certainly an interesting read. I am curious,however, as to who these parents are thaat are so miserable. Yes, I have bad days but I had bad days when I was single and when I was childfree too.
In general I feel I lead a pretty balanced life. I take a lot of time for myself and I spend time with the kids. I have a career, travel, excercise, go out to eat, shop for what I want (within reason), etc.
I think in general there is a perception (by parents and non-parents alike) that parenting means giving up your life. I do not think this has to be the case and I think it is really a finction of finding balance in one's life. Something which I feel is important regardless of your reproductive status.
You have good points. I sometimes hate being a step Mother but it's so rewarding.
However, I never became a Mom due to finance and support system.
You must have help to do those things.
Some do not.
and get resentful.
I think these times are so different and if you don't have relatives to help out, you end working just to sustain your children.
Not to mention, not so much contact with your kids which is important.
That's the people who are miserable.
I have a lot of friends like that and realized having kids would be a very selfish thing for me to do "cuz everyone else is". I don't have the means to make it a good life for my child.
I have heard people say they have kids cuz it's "nice to have little versions of you around" or "someone to take care of me when I am old".
To me that is selfish.
It is so annoying and hurtful when people ask why I don't have kids "of my own"..yet my SDs say "you are not childless, you have us".
Being a Mom is more than giving birth.
I am fulfilled giving guidance and love to my SDs.
Message edited 7/12/2010 11:02:40 PM.
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| Posted 7/12/10 10:58 PM |
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Re: NY Mag Article
It is funny to see an article like that where parents are comfortable saying something in an anonymous poll that they might not otherwise share. Obviously, a lot of parents feel the same way and might be better off/better supported if they did open up about it and admit it isn't all roses and lolipops. But I think it's another one of those circumstances where you dare not admit it's hard, unless of course the people you are trying to impress say otherwise. I see so many parents in a "keeping up with the Jones'" mentality. Parenting really should be a non-competitive, individualized experience...even if that means it's hard and sometimes less than pleasant. I'm sure it's the end result that matters more. At least thats how I would approach it.
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| Posted 7/12/10 11:24 PM |
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PrincessVonTrockel
Trophy Wife in Training
Member since 11/09 2953 total posts
Name:
Natalie
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Re: NY Mag Article
Posted by Andrewz00
i think i may just get this tattooed on my arm for people who keep asking "when are you having kids?" to read....
"Most people assume that having children will make them happier. Yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers, and in many cases are less so."
I'm scared of needles so I will just have this stamped on my forehead.
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| Posted 7/13/10 1:58 PM |
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LuvHelloKitty
LIF Infant
Member since 1/10 112 total posts
Name:
Liz
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Re: NY Mag Article
i enjoyed reading that article and fall into the "choose not to have kids" camp, but I have to wonder what barometers they use to measure "happiness". Happiness imeans a different things to different people - and some people are happy just to have a roof over their head and a steady job, and others are happy if they can afford the hige house w/ the huige cars and luxury vacations. I guess its all relative.
I thinik the comments following the article were really enlightening.
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| Posted 7/19/10 10:51 AM |
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