Moms I nedd your help!

This may be a little long but I need advice and maybe a vent as well....

My son was born 8/14 via c/s and I am still unable to drive/lift/strain etc.

As some of you may know I also have a VERY hyper, difficult almost 3-year old. He is extremely stubborn, active and in the middle of a major defiance stage. Raising him by himself has been a tremendous task. When he's good he's GREAT but when he's bad he is unbearable. Sometimes I look forward to Mondays just so I can be kid-free for the work week.

It may sound harsh to say that, but I have to be honest in order to help myself, and hopefully gain perspective from you all.

So now baby Alex has joined our family and Gavin is really great with him. He loves his brother and treats him well. A few small transgressions on Gavin's end, but all in all, he's doing well, except for the major battles about once or twice a day.
Alex is a great baby, we are just in the middle of pacifier hell where he can't keep it in his mouth, but that's pretty much it.

The real issue is with me I guess. I'm confined to my huose because I had a c/s and can't drive, and like I predicted, DH's schedule has gone from lots of free time being laid off with th union for the past 10 MONTHS to getting called on Saturday to work 12 hour days Sunday, Monday and possibly more. He worked this past Friday night with his band and spent almost the entire day Saturday at a wedding in the Hamptons (like he REALLY needed to go, but I didn't make a stink). I haven't seen him in 2 days except to sleep.

Not to mention I am a hormonal MESS.....crying over everythint, good and bad. Every day is better, but the strain of taking care of a newborn, a psycho 3 year old who's used to daycare and being all banged up myself is just too much.... Oh and did I forget to mention yesterday was my birthday and I spent it stuck in my house with my parents.....

I have my parents and while they are well intentioned and have been the only ones helping me, you know how that goes, they drive sometimes drive you crazy more than they help.

I thought today was the last of the 12 hour days for DH, so that was my mantra...."get through today", but now it may be more, dear god......it's great $$$ and I'm not complaining, but it is so hard!


Pleae tell me what you do with your DC all day and how you prevent yourself from having hourly meltdowns.

And of course this weather hasn't helped. My plan was to wlak to the awesome playground yeasterday with my parents and let Gavin run around till he drops, but alas, my plan has been foiled till Lord knows when with this rain

I'm trying to keep knocking the balls out of the park but I just don't know how much steam I have anymore.

Thanks for reading and thanks even more for any suggestions.

Message edited 8/23/2010 10:58:27 AM.

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

I don't have any ideas, but I'm sending

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

I remember how hard it was with 2 at home when we first brought DS home-I felt overwhelmed and DH and I were both home! I don't know how you are doing it.

It was during this time that DD started watching TV-tons of TV. I just couldn't keep up with her and the baby for a while.

As generic as it sounds-it got better with time

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

For me, sometimes it's easiest to just set DS up with a messy project- finger painting, moon sand, that ype of thing. Yes I have to clean the mess, but it keeps him occupied and gives me a breather from constantly entertaining. My DS also really likes games, so sometimes we just sit on the floor, with the baby in the bouncer, and play.

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

Posted by CrankyPants

I remember how hard it was with 2 at home when we first brought DS home-I felt overwhelmed and DH and I were both home! I don't know how you are doing it.

It was during this time that DD started watching TV-tons of TV. I just couldn't keep up with her and the baby for a while.

As generic as it sounds-it got better with time

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

Can your parents take Gavin out for a couple hours a day to help? Even if it's just to Blockbuster to pick out a couple movies to watch at home with you?

Is he out of daycare your entire maternity leave?
Will you have him in any activity?
I had Ryan in a tumble class since it was winter and he needed a place to get his energy out - it helped a lot.

Indoor activities you can do at the table:
Coloring
Play doh
Dot art
Fun in the tub with toys
TV/movies/Internet Games
Arts & Craft projects
Blocks/Legos

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

Posted by SweetCaroline



Can your parents take Gavin out for a couple hours a day to help? Even if it's just to Blockbuster to pick out a couple movies to watch at home with you?

Is he out of daycare your entire maternity leave?
Will you have him in any activity?
I had Ryan in a tumble class since it was winter and he needed a place to get his energy out - it helped a lot.

Indoor activities you can do at the table:
Coloring
Play doh
Dot art
Fun in the tub with toys
TV/movies/Internet Games
Arts & Craft projects
Blocks/Legos

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

I've been alone with 2-yr old Landon and the newborn twins since they were 1 week old. We closed on our new house so DH has been there working so we can move in ASAP. I was driving and out with all 3 a week after my c-section (shh don't tell on me) and going out really helps break up the day. Playground, library, even walk around the mall.

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

First off, Congrats Mama

Second, it is the hardest thing to deal with a toddler and a newborn in the beginning ESPECIALLY after a csection.

I would see if your parents can take Gavin for a day here and there.

Jack was a dream with the baby when we brought him home - but a total nightmare with me. I remember just crying bc he was so fresh. I didn't know how I survived every day.

Does Gavin still nap? I always made sure to put Jack down for his nap so that I could get a break.

Take it one day at a time. You will survive it I promise!

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

Posted by Diana1215

First off, Congrats Mama

Second, it is the hardest thing to deal with a toddler and a newborn in the beginning ESPECIALLY after a csection.

I would see if your parents can take Gavin for a day here and there.

Jack was a dream with the baby when we brought him home - but a total nightmare with me. I remember just crying bc he was so fresh. I didn't know how I survived every day.

Does Gavin still nap? I always made sure to put Jack down for his nap so that I could get a break.

Take it one day at a time. You will survive it I promise!

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

Hey Girl!!

Congrats!!! The only advice I can give you has already been mentioned.

Take it hour by hour. One hour may be GREAT and the next hour may be torture. When DH gets home, go outside for a few minutes. Even if you go sit in your car. Just get away for some peace and quiet.

It gets better.

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

Oh Gina!

I know what it's like. Do you remember the little monkey climbing all over your seat the day we met? Imagine that times 1000 and seriously p*ssed off at the world. That's our life here.

Since we had to pay for day care whether she went or not, we have her going part time for the summer. It helps so much - it helps her get her energy out and it gives me some peace and quiet.

I would say let anyone and everyone take him out when they can, and once you heal a bit, have someone take care of the baby for a couple of hours so you can have some Mommy-Gavin time. I haven't been able to do that with Elizabeth yet because I'm bfing so Luke is always attached to me (guess where he is right now?) but I'm planning a day for us really soon... if that doesn't relieve her meltdowns a bit I'm selling her to the gypsies!

Everyone keeps telling me it gets easier, so it has to be true!

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

I had my son in February 2010 and my daughter was turning 3 in June and we had tried to start potty training before the baby came and she went right back to diapers after the baby was born and was horrible with me. Then when I went back to work, I started to realize that it wasn't getting better and then came to the realization that I was starting to be depressed and I started looking back at the beginning and realized that it was probably due to the way her and I were together and how my hormones were 1000% in every different direction and to boot I had to leave them with someone else and go back to work. Honestly, I went to the dr regarding a sinus infection and asked for anti-depressants because I realized it wasn't normal for me to still be feeling the way I was.

I honestly could have killed my daughter, I had dreams of packing up and driving them to the sitter and just drive away away and never look back. She was just so mean to me and always wanted my husband...but now I realize why, b/c she was feeding off my negative energy and now that I've been on the Zoloft for a month and a half, her and I are best friends and we have nothing but good times together and I don't want to leave.

After this long explanation, here is my suggestion, have a friend, a sitter, your parents, hubby's parents come and watch even just the baby and take the your toddler for a walk, the library has AMAZING activities for free during the week in the morning if someone can take you, to the cool park wherever and then other days have them just take your toddler out and have fun with other people and you stay with the baby, break it up so that your with him and showing attention and then others are with him showing him attention and he can feel that importance and wont really drive you crazy...even if you have them take him in the afternoon so that when he gets back theres only a small window of time with him till bed and then your done.

I totally understand the crying and the horrible feeling of being trapped, even when I was able to drive b/c it was so cold I didn't want to take the baby out, so I was stuck in the house, it gets better I PROMISE!!

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

Can you still put Gavin in school a few days a week? It might be great for both of you.

Re: Moms I nedd your help!

I say the same thing about selling my 3 year old daughter...in a shameful fit of rage, i've said "if you don't stop i'm going to drop you off on the corner of wellwood and montauk and you can go live with the first person who comes and takes you CAUSE I'M DONE!"

its horrible to even think like that, but you get to the point where you want to lock yourself in your room and put the pillow over your head and not feel anything...i promise it gets better and mine is still 3, its just the patience and getting out of the house with or without them.

I also think that things that go on in your marriage have a huge toll on how you interact with your children, when my husband would work overtime at night, i was so resentful towards him while on maternity cause even though i'm "home all day" i'm doing a million things and just want to relax with him and instead he's coming home and showering and passing out and then there is no time for you to vent, talk or just sit with each other.