Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Not quite sure how to feel about this one. I wonder how you guys would feel.

As i've said before dh and I are not 'kid friendly'. That said, we will always show up to family and friend's kid parties if invited.

So i'm fb friends with dh's cousin's wife, who posts about dh's other cousin's kid's bday party that she attended today. We had no invite. The cousin whos kid had the bday was dh's best man and they are fairly close.

So I tell dh who said "GREAT i'm glad we weren't invited, I wouldn't want to go anyway". For the most part I feel that way too, but still feel slighted at the same time. I'm sure they assumed we wouldn't want to come b/c it's a kid party, but they've invited us to their kids' bday parties in the past and we've come!

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Was it at a kid's place like one of those bouncy places or some place like that? I wouldn't expect to be invited to that type of party. If it was a house/family party, I would feel a little slighted and talk myself into feeling relieved for not having to bother.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Posted by Christine

Was it at a kid's place like one of those bouncy places or some place like that? I wouldn't expect to be invited to that type of party. If it was a house/family party, I would feel a little slighted and talk myself into feeling relieved for not having to bother.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Posted by Mushesgirl

Posted by Christine

Was it at a kid's place like one of those bouncy places or some place like that? I wouldn't expect to be invited to that type of party. If it was a house/family party, I would feel a little slighted and talk myself into feeling relieved for not having to bother.

I honestly don't know, no one posted any pics or gave specifics.

Both of us had stuff to do today anyway, so i'm not steamed or anything (not to mention a bunch of 3 year olds is not my idea of a relaxing Sunday) but it's just the principle.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

I know I don't post here often but I wanted to chime in on this one. DH & I don't have kids and most of our friends do.

It definitely stings a bit not being invited to the birthday parties especially seeing the pics all over facebook ... but we are "kid-friendly" and would totally go to the parties! Heck, we've traveled to Maryland for my cousin's kids' 3rd birthday at a music place!

I have to agree with Chelle though - I have a feeling that if you & your DH aren't "kid-friendly" your friends & family have noticed that. They probably wanted to spare you from feeling obligated to attend or send a gift.

Since you had other things to do and wouldn't have wanted to go *anyway*, I'd say just move on & don't let it bother you.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

I think this is one of those "it's nice to be asked" situations. I am not a fan of baby/bridal showers but I make every effort to attend any that I am invited to. I would be put off if I was excluded from a shower of someone I was close to.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Im with you... I def think an invite should have still come your way... even if they knew you wouldnt attend... its just basic etiquette

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

I was just browsing but figured I may be of help since this happened to us last year. We were the ones throwing the party for our girls.

We held it at a place where there were restrictions on number of guest including number of kids (its a small space) in our case it was 15 kids. They were making favors, animal presentations that were suited for a younger crowd. So we invited only those with kids in the age range of our girls.

DHs aunt came to drop off his cousin who had a younger child and she caught an attitude b/c she didnt get an invite for her other child- 17 yr old. (She could have come in--I didnt say she couldnt but she chose to gossip with DH's mom in the parking lot so when I heard she was being a B**** from my mom I left her out there as she had already condemed me without knowing the facts)

In our case it was intentional because it was a kids event and even older kids were not invited so why would we invite other adults without kids/older almost adult kids when there were space limitations and obviously it was young kids petting animals and learningabout them.

DH's aunt handled it poorly and gossiped about it instead of coming directly to me. So I could really care less if I hurt her feelings or not.

BUt in your case it doesnt have to go there--man up as DH says and if it bothers you talk about it. You may be surprised there were other circumstances you didnt consider/know about. Now if other adults were there without kids well there may be other issues to explore.

Good luck!

Message edited 9/27/2010 4:44:46 PM.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Thanks for all the replies and insight, especially about throwing a party with limits.

I just got off the phone with MIL. She asked ME if I knew there was a party. I said yes, I only found out yesterday because of fb.

She said she had spoken to dh's cousin (the male of the couple who was invited) and he mentioned that he was going to the party, so MIL was like huh!

Sigh. She is pretty upset. I explained that maybe they just figured it's a kid's party and we woudnt want to go anyway. She said "well still give me the option!". And I think I share her attitude. DH could care less and is actually thrilled we weren't invited.

MIL also said it was at Gymboree. So maybe there were limitations on the number of guests. But honestly, (and this is just me talking for myself) if I was in the situation of the parents, and had restrictions, and I KNOW the cousins /aunt are going to find out there was a party and they weren't invited, I think i'd have the brains/decency to shoot off an email /call to said parties just to say look we've got limits etc sorry we couldn't invite everyone. I would've been perfectly fine with that! But to find out after the fact rubs me the wrong way.

dh's family is very small. It's just the cousins i've described and us. So it's not like they'd have to call 100 family members.

Thanks for listening

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Posted by Mushesgirl

Thanks for all the replies and insight, especially about throwing a party with limits.

I just got off the phone with MIL. She asked ME if I knew there was a party. I said yes, I only found out yesterday because of fb.

She said she had spoken to dh's cousin (the male of the couple who was invited) and he mentioned that he was going to the party, so MIL was like huh!

Sigh. She is pretty upset. I explained that maybe they just figured it's a kid's party and we woudnt want to go anyway. She said "well still give me the option!". And I think I share her attitude. DH could care less and is actually thrilled we weren't invited.

MIL also said it was at Gymboree. So maybe there were limitations on the number of guests. But honestly, (and this is just me talking for myself) if I was in the situation of the parents, and had restrictions, and I KNOW the cousins /aunt are going to find out there was a party and they weren't invited, I think i'd have the brains/decency to shoot off an email /call to said parties just to say look we've got limits etc sorry we couldn't invite everyone. I would've been perfectly fine with that! But to find out after the fact rubs me the wrong way.

dh's family is very small. It's just the cousins i've described and us. So it's not like they'd have to call 100 family members.

Thanks for listening

Message edited 9/28/2010 9:39:08 AM.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Most Gymboree locations have guest limits. I had my DSs birthday party at one near me and we were given limits for both the number of kids and the number of adults who could attend. I am sorry you are upset.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Honestly, I don't expect anyone to invite me and my DH to a kiddie party held at a kiddie place. Why would we be invited? Cake at the house with other family present - yes. Gymboree with 15 three year olds - no.

I wouldn't be upset about this one, but that's just me.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

Like PP said, it seems like you wouldn't have gone anyway so I wouldn't be mad.

In our family everyone is invited to kids parties as they are a big deal so if I wasn't invited to one, I would mind.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party

We recently had a 3rd birthday party for our DS. We had it at a kids bounce place.

We had 20 children coming with their respective parents.

The ONLY family members that were invited were the immediate grandparents of my DS. So my parents and DH parents. That's it. We didn't invite any other family. I didn't even think to explain to any other family members why they weren't invited.

To me, it didn't make sense to invite family to a party where 20 kids were going to be running around like crazy for an hour and a half, followed by pizza in a room for a half hour.

Hope that gives you a little insight as to a possible reason you weren't invited.

Re: Not invited to dh's cousin's kid's bday party