Normal Feelings?

Is this "normal"?

Feeling sad in waves...I'll be ok for part of the day and other times I'm in complete tears full on crying.....

Seeing things on TV, or seeing people in stores (pregnant or with babies) etc that makes you sad/tear up?

Feeling angry, that this is unfair...

Feeling like my husband doesn't deserve this - maybe I do - but not him, I feel like "why him" more than "why me"....

It hurts. That is the best way to explain it. It actually hurts, mentally, emotionally, my heart is like literally aching over it...

Wondering if I am ever going to be ok with it? Will it stop hurting? Will I be able to move on from it 100%? Will DH?

Will I get pregnant again? Will this happen again? Can I handle this again if it does? Emotionally? Physically? Will my body recover again if it does? Will I end up infertile somehow if we keep trying and this keeps happening?

I'm scared to see someone who can talk to us about the genetic disease that occured in my family (to my Aunt's baby - my cousin - it's a disease that both parents have to be carriers for and I could potentially be a carrier, that is all I know). At the same time I want to get an appointment ASAP so I have a better idea of what we are dealing with before we try again. I wasn't worried before about my family history but my doctor sent me to a high risk/genetics doctor b/c of it and that is where we found out about the loss. Now I am more nervous than ever.

I'm wondering what the genetic testing will say about the loss we had. How will we handle the results?

I have a fear of next time even. What if the pregnancy progresses - will the baby be born healthy? Should we do testing and risk another miscarriage? Or what if we lose the next one as well?

I have so many feelings. There is the grief, the sadness, the feeling that I got robbed out of something I wanted so so so so badly. It hurts more than I ever could have imagined. Then there are the fears for the future. I am trying to have hope and I keep telling myself it's okay because we will just try again but how do I have hope that everything will be okay next time???

My Mom said not to worry about the other stuff just to try and get over the grief of the loss but it's hard to just focus on one emotion, on one part of this. It feels more complex than that.

I see my Dr tomorrow and I am going to ask if she can recommend someone to talk with. DH thinks it might be a good idea that we both see someone, maybe it will help?

Please tell me this all gets easier.

Re: Normal Feelings?

Everything you are feeling is totally normal... and it does get easier, with time...

your mom and you are both right in certain aspects... its very complex but you have to take it one day at a time and try to recover from the loss before you start thinking about the future... it will always be in your mind but concentrating on it so hard is not going to make it easier for you or DH...

Re: Normal Feelings?

Re: Normal Feelings?

I think everything you are feeling is completely normal...100%...there is no right or wrong way to feel with everything you are going through right now. Feel how you do, at any given moment...That's what you need to do for yourself.

For me, I was petrified to be pregnant again after our loss...And, at 31+weeks, I'm STILL scared. Going through a loss not only takes away the physical aspect of your baby, but it takes away your innocence. You learn that not every pregnancy ends happily...I often have feeling of jealousy towards those people who have never had to go through any kind of sadness or devastation with having a baby...Why should some people have it so easy, when others have to deal with such sh!t??? Unfortunately, I will never really have that 12 week sigh of relief that everything will be okay...But, this is something that I have had to learn to live with.

The outside world is sometimes tough to deal with too...I remember vividly just breaking down in tears in the middle of the diner when I saw someone with a baby. You never know when the sadness will creep up on you...It sometimes comes out of nowhere. TV was the worst...you never realize how many thing related to babies are on tv until it's something you DON'T want to see.

You have so many valid concerns and questions...Worries that you never thought you would have to even contemplate. And you really put it well - you were robbed...completely.

But, all of that being said, you will at some point be positive again. You will have that hope and joy and excitement. It will be different, but I promise you, you'll have it. Someone who had lost their 7 yr old son had said to me "Don't let this define you - otherwise it will be 3 lives that have been lost"...and that has always stuck with me. Of course this is a life changing event, and it will never fully leave you. But you can't let it consume you...Talk to you doctor - ask everything and anything you want to. If you are comfortable with it, go see a therapist...just getting your thoughts and feelings out can work wonders. Do whatever YOU need to do to feel better. When people ask me if I'm "better" I can't really answer that, because I guess I am in a sense, but I don't think I will ever truly be better...you just learn to live with what has happened, and you have a new "normal"...

Sorry this is so long...but I want you to know that you aren't alone...and to answer your question - yes, you are so normal.

Re: Normal Feelings?

Re: Normal Feelings?

i feel exactly the same way as you... who knew it would be this hard

Re: Normal Feelings?

Posted by citywife

i feel exactly the same way as you... who knew it would be this hard

Re: Normal Feelings?

thank you so much bean08 it's funny that is what we called it - it was our little bean

everyday is getting better. at least i have that...my DH was upset this morning and i said to him - we made it through the first week and that says a lot...and then i think we both felt better...the first week was horrible but we made it through - we made it through finding out, through the surgery, so i know we can make it through the next however long it takes at least i have him and everytime i am with him i feel more than ever...i just want to inhale him lately...so in a sick way i just feel so in love...so glad i have him...

and it's so true....you don't realize it until it happens to you - how bad the hurt is.....

Re: Normal Feelings?

im so sorry you are going thru this. I remember those feelings all too well. After my m/c, i thought time was not going to move. The thought of waiitng 6 wks for AF might as well had been an eternity. I thought i would never smile again, never laugh again, never want to TTC again.
It does get easier. But there will be times where you will break down, get angry, get jealous. THATS NATURAL. How could you not? You lost something you wanted SO bad.
I found comfort in this forum and thru knowing i wasnt alone.
I come on here from time to time and just read the stories bc i feel for each and every girl who has to post on here. My m/c was 2 yrs ago and there are still songs that i cant listen to bc for whatever reason...it reminds me of that time.
I am thankful that i now have my DS William. He is my love and my life.
You will get there!!!!!

Re: Normal Feelings?

Posted by mommy2devin

Posted by citywife

i feel exactly the same way as you... who knew it would be this hard

Exactly. I don't think I ever "got" how hard it was to go through this. I wouldn't wish these feelings on my worst enemy.

Re: Normal Feelings?

Posted by conigs25

im so sorry you are going thru this. I remember those feelings all too well. After my m/c, i thought time was not going to move. The thought of waiitng 6 wks for AF might as well had been an eternity. I thought i would never smile again, never laugh again, never want to TTC again.
It does get easier. But there will be times where you will break down, get angry, get jealous. THATS NATURAL. How could you not? You lost something you wanted SO bad.
I found comfort in this forum and thru knowing i wasnt alone.
I come on here from time to time and just read the stories bc i feel for each and every girl who has to post on here. My m/c was 2 yrs ago and there are still songs that i cant listen to bc for whatever reason...it reminds me of that time.
I am thankful that i now have my DS William. He is my love and my life.
You will get there!!!!!

Re: Normal Feelings?

Posted by PrincessP

Posted by mommy2devin

Posted by citywife

i feel exactly the same way as you... who knew it would be this hard

Exactly. I don't think I ever "got" how hard it was to go through this. I wouldn't wish these feelings on my worst enemy.

Same here!!!! I thought for my family we were safe. I figured my first was so damn easy. I didnt read anything about the "bads" of pregnancy. I was one that got off easily. I cant even fathom how I got here. It breaks my heart reading all of these stories knowing EXACTLY what each and every one of you mean. Its a hard place to be...we will get through this

Re: Normal Feelings?

completely normal

Re: Normal Feelings?

I can empathize with everything you said you are feeling in your post. These are completely normal feelings. I am still struggling too. It's such a hard experience to go through.