Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

I know that if I were to read this question I would tell the OP that she is crazy. There is nothing she could have done to cause it --- but since I'm going through it I have all of these thoughts in my head.

My main one is that I went to a Zumba class the Sunday before I had my miscarriage. This is a very hardcore class, and while I toned it down - it was still high impact. I never excersized with the boys. Could I have done something there to effect this pregnancy?

Already I'm thinking I won't Zumba if/when I ever get pregnant again.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

Diana, first
I am so sorry you are going thru this.

Honestly...I don't think zumba had anything to do with this. I have for the most part been working out throughout this pregnancy (I was not allowed to work out at all with DD).

Unfortunately it was going to happen, no matter what you did or didn't do

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

DO not let yourself think that!!

I was going kickboxing when I had my m/c and beat myself over it b/c I thought it might have had something to do with it.

But like you said, if someone else asked the question you would tell them no way, so try and take your own advice.
Hang in there

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

Honestly, when I was going through my loss I was SURE I had done something.

I am much more logical now and know that I couldn't have done anything wrong to cause what happened. You did NOTHING wrong. I truly believe that this was God's plan for whatever reason. I know it's hard to hear or understand that right now, but that is how I got through.

Hang in there, Diana!

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

You cant think that way... theres nothing you could have done, even if you were raging druggie.... please dont think that!

im not going to lie, but i did have feelings of inadequacy when i was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy... like why couldnt i do it right... it happened on our first try....

i thought i was one of the lucky ones... it turns out i was one of the very small percent of the unlucky ones...

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

absolutely! the day I started cramping/bleeding I went to an interview and was there for 3 hours, I was really stressed that day since I was laid off the month before I was worried about getting the job, I had thought maybe the stress had something to do with the m/c....OR the fact that I'm a chronic sinus infection sufferer and I self medicate like crazy, I was convinced all the pills I took the first month (before knowing I was pregnant) had something to do with it, and also that I was drinking in that first month before finding out I was pregnant (I was laid off literally the day after I conceived, so I went to more happy hours than I usually would have b/c of that!!)

Now I just think of it as something that wasnt' meant to be and leave it at that, I can't beat myself up over things that may not have been in my control....as a woman it's hard not to feel like you "failed" if you miscarried though, whether because your "body let you down" or you could've done something to cause it, I think these are natural thoughts when you first miscarry.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

I was so paranoid since I found out I was pregnant. I didn't have sex, didn't lift heavy items, didn't clean. I still miscarried. I learned that it didn't matter that I was as careful as can be, it happened to me anyway. There is nothing that could have prevented it no matter what.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

Yes, I did. It's the mother's guilt, even that early on it is natural to blame yourself.

But, with time I've come to realize that it wasn't my fault, there is nothing I could have done.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

I stopped taking my synthroid because I wasn't sure if it would harm the pregnancy, and then the OB told me I should NEVER stop it
I was also a huge ball of stress, and wonder if that was a contributing factor.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

Posted by AngnShaun

You cant think that way... theres nothing you could have done, even if you were raging druggie.... please dont think that!

im not going to lie, but i did have feelings of inadequacy when i was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy... like why couldnt i do it right... it happened on our first try....

i thought i was one of the lucky ones... it turns out i was one of the very small percent of the unlucky ones...

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

There is nothing that you did that caused this to happen, but I definitely know how you're feeling.

During my brief pregnancy, I was super-anxious. For some reason, I was convinced that something was going to go wrong. When I eventually did m/c, I actually convinced myself that my negative thinking caused it to happen. I know this is ridiculous...I'm a psychologist, for heaven's sake! When we're going through things like this, it is hard to be logical.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

short answer yes

don't beat yourself up over it...trust me when i say zumba was not the cause...this was out of your control i remind myself of that everyday - its just something that happened and one day i have hope that things will feel right again and i will be happy with the life i have...

i think we all have that feeling when we lose a baby - but you are not to blame...

hang in there

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

Posted by AngnShaun

You cant think that way... theres nothing you could have done, even if you were raging druggie.... please dont think that!

im not going to lie, but i did have feelings of inadequacy when i was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy... like why couldnt i do it right... it happened on our first try....

i thought i was one of the lucky ones... it turns out i was one of the very small percent of the unlucky ones...

Message edited 2/11/2011 12:44:45 PM.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

I did.... A LOT.

After my 1st one, I took it easy during the 2WW.

After my 2nd one, I tried not to even pick up DS in my 2WW when I could avoid it.

And low and behold, the cycle that it stuck was the one in which we moved during the 2WW and I couldnt have been under more stress and doing more phsyical work than I was that cycle. I even said to DH while carrying boxes "if I'm PG this time, I'm doing all the wrong things..."

You didnt do anything wrong

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

I don't think I physically "did" anything to cause my loss ..... but I do think I said things to bring on some terrible karma

Typically I'm not one who believes in stuff like that .. but I can't help but recall all the times I said I hoped so much it would be a girl. I would say over and over that I wanted a girl soooooooo badly. Well...... we found out he was a boy and for just a half a second, I was a tad bit disappointed but after that I was really excited. Within 30 minutes, we found out we were losing him.

I learned to be very careful what you wish for and also learned not to be so ridiculous and petty I still feel guilty about that

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

the ONLY reason dh and I felt any guilt was bc he was DX with type 1 diabetes AFTER gillian. We were like OH SH!T did we wait too long? well low and behold it was a chromosomal abnormaility which has NOTHING to do with what either of us did/have. I bet if you tested it would be one of these crazy flukes as well. I DO NOT think for one second that you caused it by Zumba...NOPE! Stop blaming yourself! You are too good of a person always helping everybody. Leave yourself alone. It was a fluke. You have 2, you will be blessed again!!

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

sorry wrong thread

Message edited 2/11/2011 11:20:20 PM.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

I had 4 m/c's. I saw a genetic specialist when I got p/g with Peyton. He strongly suggested some genetic testing and an amnio because the VAST MAJORITY of 1st trimester m/c's are because of chromosomal abnormalities(especially if you have had a prior healthy p/g). Your body knows the p/g is not a healthy viable p/g and miscarries. When he put it in those terms, there was a small piece of me that was grateful. Does that make sense?
To answer your question though, my answer is yes

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

Posted by PennyCat

I don't think I physically "did" anything to cause my loss ..... but I do think I said things to bring on some terrible karma

Typically I'm not one who believes in stuff like that .. but I can't help but recall all the times I said I hoped so much it would be a girl. I would say over and over that I wanted a girl soooooooo badly. Well...... we found out he was a boy and for just a half a second, I was a tad bit disappointed but after that I was really excited. Within 30 minutes, we found out we were losing him.

I learned to be very careful what you wish for and also learned not to be so ridiculous and petty I still feel guilty about that

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

No. I think in the early stages, most of what happens is out of the mother's control.

Sorry for your loss.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

Nope...It is all nature. And in a spiritual way, someone once told me that the baby came and got all it needed THAT fast from its Mother. Some souls need only unconditional love, and even though you were surprised by the pregnancy, you were in deep love with that baby and it was only a 'thought' and a dream still.....and thats all it needed. To feel that and you are blessed to have been choosen for that.

I know its hookey but that thought actually helped me many times with my losses, thinking that way.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

Posted by dm24angel

Nope...It is all nature. And in a spiritual way, someone once told me that the baby came and got all it needed THAT fast from its Mother. Some souls need only unconditional love, and even though you were surprised by the pregnancy, you were in deep love with that baby and it was only a 'thought' and a dream still.....and thats all it needed. To feel that and you are blessed to have been choosen for that.

I know its hookey but that thought actually helped me many times with my losses, thinking that way.

Re: Did you ever have that feeling that you did something to cause the miscarriage?

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by dm24angel

Nope...It is all nature. And in a spiritual way, someone once told me that the baby came and got all it needed THAT fast from its Mother. Some souls need only unconditional love, and even though you were surprised by the pregnancy, you were in deep love with that baby and it was only a 'thought' and a dream still.....and thats all it needed. To feel that and you are blessed to have been choosen for that.

I know its hookey but that thought actually helped me many times with my losses, thinking that way.

This actually made me cry like a baby this afternoon that it took me all this time to come back and respond.

Thanks for this, it does help.