Just need to get this out I an on the verge of hysterics

This is my fault..I know it and the LAST thing I want is to make myself out to be a victim but I am miserable. I just have to finally get this all out I have been holding in my feelings and shame for so long.

I lost about 60lbs for my wedding this past summer and now, about 9 months later I have gained every freakin lbs back!

I am an emotional eater, a reformed binge eater w/tendencies. Since my honeymoon I have gone off my Birth Control pill & my anti anxiety pills in hope to get preggers after the New Year so I know that def contributed to the weight gain but b/c I gained so much weight I decided to put off trying to get preggers in order to get healthy 1st. That was 2 months ago and I havent lost any weight nor motivated myself to change my lazy habits.


I also had two major issues to deal w/after the wedding. First my father and his wife stopped speaking to me b/c my step mother felt that I didnt pay enough attention to her during my wedding nor did I do anything to make the day special for her (these are her words not mine). I know its insane and a lot of ppl have said that I should of just told them to "F" off but they are the only 'family" I have. My mother stopped speaking to me 6 yrs ago and my only sibling passed away 7 yrs ago. I literally felt like I was losing my family all over again.

Aside from that (and at the same time) DH was almost killed in a accident and was in the hospital for about a week and was then bed ridden for almost 1 1/2 months and just finally went back to work about 2 wks ago plus 1 wk b/f he got hurt we just bought our house. We hadnt even moved in yet just got some painting, cleaning and minor repairs done. So I had to move us into the house. My freakin step mother is such a witch that she never called me to see if I was ok. She just called my DH directly and his parents.

So here I am, on the verge of Spring and I am flying to TX for a friends wedding this weekend and NOTHING fits me. I look huge and i know she is going to be shocked when she sees me b/c she saw how skinny I was at my wedding.

Like I said, I'm not looking for anyone to feel sympathy for me...I know its my choice to shove that candy bar in my mouth and my choice to be sitting here on the computer right now as opposed to being at the gym.

I just cant get my motivation going, cant get my head on straight. I joined WW back b/f Christmas lost 5lb, got overwhelmed and have gained 7 lbs back. My therapist suggested that I see a hypnotist and I am just waiting for an appointment.

So, what do I want??? Just to get this off my chest, maybe get some advice....if anyone struggled like I did and how did you over come it?

Thanks for any advice or even just for reading this.

Re: Just need to get this out I an on the verge of hysterics

Wow that is a lot to go through in a short amount of time. First of all, stop beating yourself up.

My advice is to start small. Take a walk, eat a little less at a few meals, and see how you feel. That might be enough of a push to get you exercising regularly, or eating healthier more often.

Know that you owe it to yourself to be healthy and happy! Hang in there.

Re: Just need to get this out I an on the verge of hysterics

I just wanted to give you some

It sounds like you are totally overwhelmed (and rightfully so.) Take this moment to step back and say "Ok, I want to make a change..." Don't be yourself up about anything. It won't help. The good AND bad thing about weight is it is not permanent. So when you get to a good weight its not permanent BUT when you gain weight it can also be changed.

Realize that you had a whole lot of things go on that triggered your eating to change that way. Have you thought about seeing a therapist to try and learn new ways to cope with yoru anxiety rather than emotionally eating? I suffer from severe anxiety and am now off meds and I know that it can be so difficult.

I know I need to take my own advice here but try focusing on being HEALTHY not necessarily losing weight...this means emotionally healthy too!

Re: Just need to get this out I an on the verge of hysterics

I say forget the hypnotist and hire a personal trainer--stat!!

You have a lot going on emotionally and that was the place I was in when I said to myself "no more!"

I have been w my trainer since early November and she has taught me so much about nutrition, exercise and pushing myself mentally & physically.

If you read this board a lot, you will see I support the expense of a pt. It buys you so much more than a weekly or bi-weekly workout. I'm a completely different person physically and mentally since I started my work w the pt.

Good luck to you and concentrate on YOU! I hate to read posts like this.

Re: Just need to get this out I an on the verge of hysterics

relax
i know it can be overwhelming.
you should take one thing at a time.

i gained 70lbs preg i have a lot to go .
you say you joined ww. do you attend meetings? they are a great support system.
I know that I always did better when I had a support team. if you want fm me and we can exchange emails to support each other.
i am sorry about your dad not speaking to you.
after our wedding dhs gma stopped talking to us. Do I know you from liw??
take one day at a time!!!

Re: Just need to get this out I an on the verge of hysterics

I have been there....

The worst thing you can do is beat yourself up about this. That is not going to do anything but make yourself feel worse.

Also, its not like you were sitting on a couch eating ho ho's. You went through some MAJOR sh!t, and anyone would react by engaging in behaviors that might not be the best for them. Instead of drinking or doing drugs, you ate.

I am sure your friend knows what you have been through and will understand your weight gain. I am sure it is not what your friend will think that is an issue, really. She is getting married. She will really only care about how she looks. It is how you feel about yourself. Trust me - I gained 50 lbs before my grandparent's 50th anniversary when I was 19 for a variety of reasons. I hated how I looked. I was miserable the whole time...

Go buy yourself an outfit that you can feel beautiful in. Can you get your hair done?

Realize this isn't forever. This might be your "low" right now. The pictures you take could be your "before" pics that you can look back at after you make the necessary lifestyle changes you need to get yourself back on track.

Personally, weight watchers didn't work for me. My weight loss took years, not months. I made one small change after another, which changed my body little by little. I was always motivated more by health and strength rather than weight loss. I still am on that journey at 37 years old...

Don't beat yourself up. It's a viscious downward spiral if you do that. It has no purpose. Only making changes can do that.

Go to the wedding and enjoy yourself. Eat, drink, be merry.

Then come home and make a plan for yourself.

If you want, you can FM me!

Re: Just need to get this out I an on the verge of hysterics

That's a lot to go through in just a few months. I agree with the poster that suggested a personal trainer. I think this way it will seem a lot less overwhelming if you have someone there every step of the way, helping you with exercise and nutrition.

Once you start and stick to a plan, you WILL see results. Once you lose some weight, you can try to find an activity you enjoy doing (like running, spinning, zumba, etc). I think it is so much easier to exercise when you actually enjoy the activity you are doing. Plus, then it is something you can do when you have a bad day or are stressed and it will make you feel better.

Good luck!

Re: Just need to get this out I an on the verge of hysterics

I feel for you and sometimes have the same destructive behaviors even though it doesn't seem like I have half the stress you do.

I've decided to take things 1 day at a time and follow the 80-20 rule. I eat well 80% of the day and allow myself 20% to have a treat but try to make it something lower cal and fat. Today I had toast wth fruit and coffee for breakfast, a salad with chicken and tomatoes for lunch, fish, grilled zucchini and brown wild rice with mushrooms for dinner.

I hope that helps. Just realize you are not alone

Re: Just need to get this out I an on the verge of hysterics

Do you have a friend you can start walking with, or working out with? Where do you live... maybe there is someone on here close by. I always find that if you don't enjoy exercise its best to have a buddy... or find something you really like. I finally started Kickboxing and its the only thing i have ever stuck to on my own.. i hate the gym.

Try keeping the naughty food out of the house... use 2%/low fat/light, etc instead of full fat products... most of them reallt don't taste that different. Cut out soda if you are a soda drinker. Some small changes can help get you moving and make you more motivated once you see a few pounds shed!