DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

Apparently there are 2 girls in her class who are really snotty to her. They play at recess and never let her play. They've amassed a group of girls who play together including 3 other girls, but will not let DD play. The followers who are normally friendly with her - she's had playdates with 2 of the followers, is in Daisies with one of them too - don't play with her then either. Is it wrong for me to go scratch their eyes out tomorrow? If you say it's wrong, give me a good reason why you think it's wrong.

All kidding aside, (sort of kidding) I seriously want to tell her that girls can be beyotches and these are little beyotches and all that...but obviously it's wrong to say that. So how do you handle these situations? I mean, it's all subject to 6 1/2 yr old perception so next week they could be friends but they sound so snotty, I want her to know not to waste her time and she doesn't need them. But it kills me bc she sounds like she really wants to be included and don't we all remember that feeling at one time or another as a kid? I don't want her to kiss azz to be included obviously but it's easier said than done to not care, KWIM?

We dodged this for a bit - I've heard plenty of stories of girls being mean to other girls but so far, she has been OK with friends & such.

Thoughts?

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

No advice here but

Seriously dreading the day when this happens to my DD (she is 6). I can say that there are cliques in her classroom already, but apparently she is in the "in" crowd. I've always tried to teach her to include all the kids and not to let anyone feel left out. We'll see if it sticks.

I am sorry your DD is going through this.

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

Here's an article that might help. Mary

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080903103802AAUiANV

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

When SD came home and told me this was happening to her I told her that she was better off without them and they didn't know what they were missing not playing with her. I encouraged her to play with others and to always let whoever wanted to play with her to do so. I didn't hear anything after that so I assume it resolved itself.

HTH.

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

My son went through some hard times for a while with some mean boys. I read somewhere about the "ignoring game" and told my son to use this as his weapon against one kid. It worked. He basically ignored the kid and pretended he was not there at all times. This was to deal with out right verbal attacks. Also I called the school to resolve an issue with the other child involved cause that was just too much. Everything seems fine now.

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

A very similar situation happened to DD back in 2nd grade. What I did was, we planned quite a few play dates with the girls in the group that were NICE to her. She built a stronger bond with these girls and suddenly they were defending her and making sure she was included. It was really only one girl, that was the ring leader and when the rest of the girls like my DD and started to seek her out, the mean girl was left with no choice. To this day DD and the mean girl are not close but they are fine and nice to eachother. I, on the other hand, give her the DEATH STARE when I see her at school.

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

's

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

I hope it resolves!

I couldn't believe that our EI evaluator saw the clique behavior in DS's 3 year old class!! It became a big topic at our CPSE meeting!

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

Posted by ChrisDee

A very similar situation happened to DD back in 2nd grade. What I did was, we planned quite a few play dates with the girls in the group that were NICE to her. She built a stronger bond with these girls and suddenly they were defending her and making sure she was included. It was really only one girl, that was the ring leader and when the rest of the girls like my DD and started to seek her out, the mean girl was left with no choice. To this day DD and the mean girl are not close but they are fine and nice to eachother. I, on the other hand, give her the DEATH STARE when I see her at school.

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

Unfortunately, we've dealt with this already, at the preschool level. I don't intervene myself, at all, but I do see it as a wonderful "coaching" opportunity to give Alex the tools to deal with this behavior for the rest of her life.

When it was happening, I would make sure I spent a small portion of each day really talking about what was going on. I would tell her how I experienced many of the same things as a little girl, and how it made me feel. I would talk to her about how it made me very careful to choose good friends who are never mean to me, and we talk about my friends and how they are nice, and then we talk about which of her friends are nice to her. And then I reiterate, over and over, how it's important to surround herself with good, nice friends.

I also use the opportunity to role-play with her, and ask her, ok, if someone is mean to you, what do you say? She knows that her standard response should be, "you're not being nice, and I'm not going to play with you until you can be nice", and to go play with someone else. We've also role-played a lot about how to handle it when it's directed to her friends.

The feedback I've gotten from her teachers is astounding. There are times I feel like she's just telling me what she thinks I want to hear, or that she's not really listening, but it seems that she really is doing this stuff in the class, not only for herself, but for her friends as well, and I'm happy to report, that we really haven't had any major issues this year, as a result.

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

I'm sorry your DD is going though this. It sounds like the advice the mommies gave above is great.

My DD is in the 2 yr old room in her preschool- she will be 3 next month.

I swear she came home and said she was friends with this girl and that girl, but that she won't play with this other girl- that she doesn't like her. I asked her why not? She said just because.

I said- is she nice to you? She answered yes. But, she only want to play with the other two girls!

I told her she may be making that other little girl sad if she won't play with her. I told her that is not having a good heart to make someone else sad.

My son is 4 and is so different- I feel like its so different with a girl! I can't believe she was excluding another child and she is 2! I ask her every day now if she plays with this little girl and I give her a hug and praise her. Unbelievable!

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

I tell ya, it's AMAZING how early the bitchiness comes out in us! I never see it in boys in Ben's class but the girls... OUCH!

In all honesty, I see nothing wrong with explaining to her that someone who is rude and unfriendly and doesn't want to be friends with her is not worth her attention and that some girls are just that: byotches! Although I wouldn't necessarily use that exact term just yet!!

Re: DD getting her first taste of snotty girls

Thanks everyone. She's such a boys girl too so I was sort of surprised. I want to give her the magical gift of not giving a sh*t, holding her head up, being herself and seeing that this will pass and these people & what they do at this second don't matter in the end in the big scheme of things in her life. I want to wrap it up with shiny paper and put a fancy bow on it. I wish it was that easy to just GIVE them that feeling. I wish words from Mommy could magically lift them above the nonsense. *Sigh* Jeez...kids can break your heart, tiny little breaks sometimes but painful. Besides the emotional part of me of anyone treating my child with anything but open arms, it is a good dialogue between us about what is important to her and who she is.